Renegotiating the Deal
by gagaoverGA
Summary: They both don't do mushy and public displays of affection. Follow the challenges they face as a couple. Alex and Mer MERALEX. Close Collaboration part 2. New phase in their relationship begins
1. Chapter 1

**Renegotiating the Deal**

_This is part two of 'Close Collaboration'. Sorry to say this but you'll have to read it before reading this story. It picks up directly from where 'Close Collaboration' ended. The summary and objectives of this story are outlined in the author's notes at the end of the first fic. _

* * *

'Mer," he whispered against her hair. 

"Mmmmmmmm," she murmured in response, turning to snuggle more closely to him without rousing from sleep.

He tightened his arms around her, allowing himself to savor the tingling sensations that danced up and down his spine at her action.

He'd been watching her sleep for the past ten minutes, reveling in the aftermath of their passionate tryst the night before. There were so many questions left unresolved during their talk, and even more questions surfaced after their lovemaking, but he didn't let them bother him. It was **his** name that she whispered before drifting off to sleep.

He didn't really want to get up from bed yet, to leave the cocoon of warmth. Truth be told, he was worried, not about the uncertainty of her feelings for him or her ambiguous attachment to Derek, but about what happens next. The emotional connection they've formed during sex last night left little room for doubt regarding their mutual desire and affection. In the safety of the bedroom, where passion is high and intimacy lowers inhibitions, they are able to express how they feel about the other.

The sex between them was fantastic, mind-blowing even; he had no doubts or fears about it. _But what about the rest of it?_ His reservations centered on the relationship part of this whole arrangement, or deal, or whatever it was they had. What if he couldn't meet her expectations, give her what she needed? How do they proceed? What would everyone think about them? Like her, he wasn't prepared to deal with how the others would react to them as a couple, which is why he needed to leave her room before Izzie discovers that he had spent the night with Meredith. The stand-in-Georgie-comfort-snuggle was definitely not going to be a convincing excuse if she walked in on them cuddling in bed naked.

"Mer," he tried again, this time running his hand through her hair, mostly for pleasure but also to increase the success of waking her up.

A soft smile tugging at her lips, she stirred then opened one sleepy eye, satisfaction at seeing him mingling with drowsiness.

"Hi," she said sleepily, shutting her eye again but letting her smile widen to express her pleasure at waking next to him.

The delight he saw in her eyes pulled at his heart, as cheesy as it may sound, but it really assured him that they could sort things out, that there was a strong possibility that they could make it work, whatever they decided.

"I have to go to the hospital, but I'll see you at lunch, okay," he murmured close to her ear, nibbling on it to tentatively test his ability to show affection while she was conscious.

"Hmm, Alex, are you asking me out on a date," she teased, obviously receptive to his display of affection.

"Maybe I am," he laughed, enjoying the light banter.

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight for a few seconds, and then she loosened her arms and disentangled her legs from his as he moved to get up.

"Okay, then. I'll see you later," she flirted, grabbing the pillow he used as if to preserve his presence in bed as she inhaled his lingering scent. She opened both her eyes this time, shooting him a tender glance, before going back to sleep.

_Yes, this could definitely work. All we have to do is figure out how,_ he decided, reluctantly leaving the room.

_**

* * *

**__Okay, bearing in mind that I'm having an emotional affair with McDreamy, is it weird that I'm finding it easier and much more exciting to write this MerAlex fic than the MerDer fic?_

_Sorry for not making this longer. I'll have the next chapter up when I get back from work. Just wanted you to know that I'm continuing the story._

_Please, please, please review. You'll really have to tell me, so I know I'm going in the right direction. Thanks! _

_042907_


	2. Chapter 2

Turns out, a lunch 'date' was impossible if the people you hang out with don't know you're even dating. She was on her way to meet Alex when Cristina and Izzie intercepted her, and she couldn't very well blow them off without revealing to them that she was having lunch with him. He was already at the table with George when they arrived, so their greeting was limited to an impersonal 'hey' and nervous glances, though they did get to sit beside each other.

What is it about having a secret that makes one extremely paranoid? Seriously! Even now, she cringes at the memory of her really embarrassing blush when Alex reached into her tray to steal some of her chips. She could have died on the spot when Cristina smirked and George and Izzie looked at her strangely. And how about the time she literally jumped out of her seat --- okay, more like jerked --- when Alex leaned in to brush off the crumbs from her scrubs? Cristina flat-out laughed hysterically, Alex looked hurt and flustered, and the other two, well they looked about ready to prescribe her some downers. Seriously, she has got to get a grip!

She had to admit, though, that a part of her was a little relieved that they didn't have their 'date' or whatever. It wasn't because she didn't want to spend time with him; she really did. After last night --- despite the fact that she hadn't directly told him how she felt about him, not to mention the thing she said about Derek --- she felt that they had reached a certain level of understanding. Granted that it wasn't clear and straightforward, she believes that they have moved past being just friends.

This morning proved that. She still couldn't rationalize the security and warmth she felt whenever she woke beside him. She also couldn't explain the hesitancy she felt in letting him leave her. All she knew is that she wanted to explore this thing with Alex, but the 'how' and 'what' were yet to be answered.

It was the 'how' and 'what' that frightened her, if she were to be honest. She wasn't good at relationships, if this is indeed what they had, and the only one she's been in had turned out unfavorably. The sex was incredible, and she'd like to believe that it was satisfying for them both. _But what about the rest of it?_ She'd make a lousy girlfriend. Seriously, what kind of girlfriend jumps at the slightest bit of affection, for crying out loud! She knew she had to make things right with Alex. All they had to do was figure out how to make it work.

_Crap! There he is_, she panicked as he saw him coming out of the elevator. She was standing at the window by the lab, waiting for a patient's test results. She started to do the two-step in an attempt to hide, which earned her another strange look from the technician no less, but let out a sigh of relief when Alex headed down the hall without having seen her.

Unfortunately for her, the technician wasn't her only witness to her pathetic maneuver. Cristina approached her from behind, almost in tears from laughing too hard. _Okay, I seriously have to get a new best friend!_

"Shut it!" The deadly glare that Meredith threw at Cristina didn't have its desired effects.

"Seriously, Mer, where'd you learn to dance like that," her official former best friend asked mockingly.

"I am SO telling Burke that you want a lacy white gown with a 20-foot train and that you want pink for your motif!"

"Haha, nice try but that wouldn't wash. What the hell's with the dance moves? I thought you and Evil Spawn were seeing each other or whatever, which by the way is still weird, but hey, whatever makes you happy, or rather, dance like that."

"Shut it!" She hissed as she pulled Cristina to a corner. "I didn't say we were seeing each other. I said we had sex … there's a difference."

"You said you had sex, and that it WASN'T inappropriate!"

"Crap!" She leaned against the wall and turned to Cristina. "We had sex again last night … and, okay, I think we may be seeing each other, but we haven't talked about it yet … but we were supposed to have lunch together today … for which, by the way, I'm still mad at you."

"What did I do?"

Meredith rolled her eyes at her friend.

"It was so damn hilarious, Mer. I mean, the way you looked so guilty, you'll never stand a chance against a police inquisition."

"I get it … you don't have to recount the horror of that incident … I experienced it, remember? I must have hurt Alex, too."

"Wait, did you say you were supposed to have lunch today? As in like on a date? Oooooh!"

She glared at Cristina again then pushed off the wall to walk away.

"Hey, where are you going," Cristina called after her, still laughing.

"To look for a new best friend!"

She stormed off towards the stairwell. She wanted to avoid the elevators at all cost. One, she didn't want to risk bumping into Derek, and everyone knows that that was his specialty, McDreamy moments in the elevator. Two, she wasn't ready to face Alex yet after that embarrassing incident at lunch, so she didn't want to risk bumping into him either.

But bump into him she did … literally. She had pushed the door open just as he was reaching for it from the other side.

"Oh, sorry. Uh, hey. Wait, how did that happen," she asked incredulously.

"How did what happen?" He looked agitated and surprised, not meeting her eyes.

"I just … never mind." She trailed off because she didn't know how to explain that she had seen him but chosen to hide.

They stood awkwardly for a few seconds, waiting for the other to say something, Meredith fidgeting restlessly with her lab coat, Alex with the stethoscope around his neck.

"Well, I'll see you around then," she broke the silence nervously, stepping to her right.

"Yeah," he agreed, stepping to his left.

_Great, I'm doing the two-step again!_

A few more repetitions of the two-step were performed before they figured out how to get past each other. With a nervous laugh and a tense 'see you', she moved towards the stairs while he headed to the door.

She had taken a step up the stairs when she felt his arm wrap around her waist from behind, tugging till she fell against his chest. She yelped in surprise, but didn't have time to react as he turned her to face him a second after.

She did moan, however, when he put his mouth on hers, slipping his tongue inside. She clasped her arms together behind his neck, tiptoeing to get closer to him. Her brain stopped functioning at that point, so intense were the currents of electricity running through her body.

After a while, he pulled his head back but kept her in his arms. She opened her eyes and shifted her hands to frame his face.

"I've wanted to do that all morning," he said with a smirk, his eyes shining with desire.

"Yeah?" She smiled at him, still reeling from the passionate kiss.

"Yeah." He tightened his arms around her, kissed her fleetingly, and then released her, grinning broadly as he turned back to the door.

**

* * *

**

_Thank you for all the reviews. I'm really glad you've continued to read this second part. I appreciate all the reviews you wrote about Close Collaboration as well. Really, I cannot thank you enough. So … thank you. Thank you. LOL._

043007


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey," Alex called her attention as she entered the front door.

"Hey," she greeted back, heading towards the living room.

She smiled timidly at him when he came into view, hesitantly stopping to watch him from the doorway. He was sprawled carelessly on the couch, his legs propped on the table in front of him, his elbows in the air as he leaned his head on his hands against the backrest. He threw a one-second smile back at her, motioning with his head to invite her to join him on the couch.

She could feel tension emanating from his body as she lowered herself beside him, leaving a safe distance between them. It felt as if he was holding himself in check, and it worried her, this feeling of vagueness between them, questions left unanswered. They were skirting around the issue, but she didn't know how to bring it up. The pained look in his eyes during lunch and the kiss in the stairwell dogged her for the rest of the afternoon, raising more questions, leaving her more confused than ever.

He glanced her way, worry flashing in his eyes at the apprehension written on her face. His expression softened as he reached out to ruffle her hair tenderly.

"Have you eaten," he asked amiably and at her nod, smiled then turned back to face the TV.

She studied him for a few more seconds before facing the TV as well, but the commentator's recount of the wrestling match flew over her head. She fidgeted with her hands on her lap, butterflies dancing frantically in her stomach. She chewed on her lower lip as she mulled over what she was going to say. She kept stealing glances at him, working up the nerve to say something.

She shifted to face him completely, curling her legs under her. Uncertainty making her voice quiver, she blurted out.

"So, uh … um, I don't do mushy and public displays of affection," she said in a rush, catching his attention.

He looked taken aback.

"I don't answer to cheesy nicknames … I can't cook romantic dinners, in fact I can't cook at all … I won't whisper sweet nothings in your ears …" she continued.

A grin spread across his face, reaching his eyes.

"I don't write tacky love letters, so that means I also don't like receiving them . . . and I definitely don't do poetry."

He burst out laughing at that, and she glared at him but the twitching of her lips slightly ruined the effect.

He removed his hands from behind his head, letting them rest on his stomach as he slouched lower into the couch. His laugh faded into chuckling and a mild shaking of his shoulders, and then he motioned for her to proceed.

"I'm self-absorbed … and needy … and I whine … I'm dark and twisty … oh, and I avoid, I'm an avoider …' she trailed off.

"Seems to me as if you're trying to discourage me," he replied jokingly, disbelieving the conversation but finding humor in the situation.

"I'm just saying … you know, so you can think about it … and … well … crap!"

He chuckled more heartily this time, amused by her discomfort but secretly pleased about the direction of the conversation. He covered her still fidgeting hands with his own, tugging on her right hand to clasp it.

"I don't do mushy and public displays of affection either," he said teasingly. "Love letters suck and cheesy nicknames make me want to hurl."

He pulled her to him, her head resting on his shoulder, wrapping his right arm around her body to clasp her tighter against him.

"But we'll have to talk about the whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears," he cajoled, nuzzling her ear. "Because, that I like."

She giggled wholeheartedly, snuggling closer to his warmth, relief washing over her. She shifted to peer up at him.

"Seriously, though. Are you sure … I mean, what exactly are we doing? I think we need to define this thing or whatever … because I don't know what this …" her rambling was interrupted by his lips on her mouth.

"Mer," he breathed, pulling away from the kiss and tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know there are a dozen reasons why a relationship or whatever between us sounds crazy. So, we make it simpler."

"What do you mean?"

He outlined her face with his fingers, finally settling at her neck with his thumb at the corner of her mouth.

"I think the problem is in the term _relationship_. So … we redefine it." He shrugged. "I'm not asking for a commitment; all I want is for us to explore the possibilities. What we have now, this deal or arrangement we have, it's something good. We just change the rules a little."

"Like renegotiate the deal, you mean," she asked for clarification.

"Yeah, we renegotiate. We're doing great with the friendship thing so we keep that, of course. We keep the drinking, hanging out, talking, etc., as was in our deal."

"And the 'no sex' rule? Do we keep that, too," she asked as seductively as she could (her giggling ruined the effect) while her hand drew circles on his chest.

"Funny! We are definitely changing that rule! We're gonna have sex when we can, where we can … in the bedroom, in the shower, maybe the kitchen, the linen closet, the on-call room. In fact, I'm inclined to break that rule right now," he said, silencing her laughter by kissing her hard as he maneuvered them onto a lying position on the couch.

"Alex," she panted heavily, breaking the kiss. "We haven't finished talking. This is important. Talk now, sex later," she berated in between giggles.

"Fine," he conceded, removing his weight from her as he shifted to lie beside her, gathering her in his arms. "Talk, then. What else should we discuss?"

"Uhm, I was kinda hoping you'd know," she said, and they both burst out laughing.

"Damned if I know. I've never done this 'rules' thing before."

"Well, neither have I."

"So, we wing it." He paused to kiss her for a moment, and then he continued somberly, "Mer, as I said, I'm not expecting a commitment right now. I just want us to explore the possibilities … to give it a chance … to see if it can go somewhere."

Warmth shining in her eyes, she tenderly cupped his face as she leaned into him for a kiss. It didn't have the passion and intensity of their earlier kiss; this was gentle and tender, an affirmation of affection and fondness, meant to assure and to comfort, a silent promise.

"Okay," she whispered.

"Okay," he whispered back, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Alex," she spoke after a minute, "Are you really sure about this … me, I mean. It's just that I don't write love notes and I hate teddy bears, and as I said I don't cook. And I am definitely NOT rubbing your feet."

"What the hell are you talking about, Mer," he asked incredulously.

"The list."

"What list?"

"The list of ideas to, you know, keep the romance alive. I found it on the net," she explained, reaching into her pocket for the sheets of paper to hand to him.

x-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------x

**_Romantic Ideas _**

_1. Give your partner a smile or soft kiss and just let them know you are there for them._

_2. Cuddle together on the couch and watch a movie._

_3. Cuddle together on the couch and talk about your dreams and future plans._

_4. Write sweet letters._

_5. Always hug and kiss your love._

_6. Send little gifts to them by surprise._

_7. Rub their feet._

_8. Place love notes in their lunch._

_9. Flirt with your sweetheart when you're in a store._

_10. Blow an unexpected kiss._

_11. Surprise your partner to a romantic weekend together._

_12. Tell your love how sexy and beautiful they are._

_13. Give special surprises like little teddy bears with "I wanna sex you up" notes or something silly like that._

_14. Kiss in a lot of different ways._

_15. Send a romantic e-card._

_16. Stick little notes in their car._

_17. Take showers together._

_18. Picnic under moonlight._

_19. Dance on the balcony._

_20. Put on your favorite songs and dance around in the kitchen._

_21. Have pizza with a love note delivered to your partners work._

_22. Cook together._

_23. Light candles, drink wine with strawberries and have lots of loving!_

_24. Keep a mini mailbox, leave the flag up when you've left a love note._

_25. Pretend like you're meeting for the first time._

x-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------x

"See, most of them require writing love notes. I can't do that."

He stared at her in disbelief, and then gave in to hysterical laughter.

"You … you … you surfed the net for tips …" he was unable to finish, giving her a tight hug at her wounded expression. "I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry."

She pushed at him, but he held her tighter, placing a kiss on her forehead, smiling affectionately.

"Number seventeen sounds really great right now, though, so how about it," he drawled against her mouth, slipping his hand under her shirt.

"Now that I can do," she flirted, disentangling herself from him as she rose from the couch.

Throwing him a provocative glance, she started for the stairs, leaving behind a trail of clothing. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard him laugh.

"Seven Sex Secrets Every _Cosmo_ Girl Must Know," he said aloud, reading off the second page of papers she had given him earlier.

_

* * *

__Okay, so there it is, THE talk … making the rules, defining the relationship, renegotiating their deal. I wasn't too happy about this chapter (it was difficult to write), so I hope it came out okay. Before you get mad at me, let me assure you that the other issues --- telling everyone, Derek, etc. --- will be addressed as their 'relationship' progresses._

_carsonfiles & Auburn Hepdrey_ --- meredith WILL tell Derek, just not now coz it's too early in the story, but she will. I promise.

_JenniferLauren _--- you got me worried. immediately checked chap2. it was ALEX who kissed mer, not Derek.

_cabot007, murgy31, Tera Sloan, Jany1988, & Ciaobella06_ --- thanks for the reviews. i appreciate your generous comments and your continued reading.

_Please review and thanks for reading._

_050107_


	4. Chapter 4

_The first part of this chapter is actually unnecessary/irrelevant to this chapter, but I put it in anyway coz I couldn't resist Alex and Mer in the shower. It was written for JenniferLauren, who likes seeing them cuddle. LOL._

_BTW, I got that list off the net … for some reason, the address didn't come out when I uploaded the chapter. I've been with my husband for 10 years now, so I've forgotten what it's like to have 'THE talk'. So, apologies for how it turned out. LOL._

* * *

"Hmmm, the ones who wrote that list sure know what they're talking about. Take showers together, indeed," he drawled breathlessly, licking behind her ear. 

Her back was pressed against the bathroom wall, her legs weakly wrapped around his hips. Her forehead rested on his shoulder, his arms braced against the wall supporting her arms that were still tingling with the aftershocks of her orgasm.

She giggled into his neck, her hot breath making him harden inside her. Her giggling faltered as a new torrent of desire shot through her body. She gasped in disbelief.

"What the … again? You're ready to … but it's only been a few minutes since … is that even possible," she stared at him in amazement, but the twinkle in her eyes and the hardening of her nipples against his chest revealed her own stirrings of desire.

"Give me another five minutes and I'll show you how possible it is. Now where is that Cosmo article? Wouldn't want to put your research to waste," he teased, grasping her bottom securely as he pushed them off the wall, carrying her to the bedroom across.

_X ---------- AT THE HOSPITAL THE NEXT DAY ---------- X_

She walked briskly to the nurse's station, her pager in hand, eyeing the monstrous display of flowers with distaste as she approached. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she leaned against the counter and addressed the woman behind it.

"You paged," she inquired, waving her pager.

Nurse Debbie looked up from a chart, a mocking smirk spreading across her face as she saw Meredith.

"Yeah, I did," she snorted. "You have a package." Anticipating the embarrassment she knew the intern would feel, she exaggeratedly brought attention to the enormous bouquet of flowers, announcing with delight, "Two dozen white roses, oh and three heart shaped balloons, for Dr. Meredith Grey."

_Commuting to work, $20. Lunch at the cafeteria, $7.50. The look of horror on Dr. Grey's face, priceless._ Nurse Debbie sure didn't mind coming to work on her day-off.

"Uh … uhm … I … uh …," Meredith stammered, accepting the card that Nurse Debbie was handing to her, willing the floor to swallow her up.

For the shower, the card read, in a familiar handwriting. Images of the previous night flooded her brain, and the blush on her face became a deeper red. She flipped the card after spotting the arrow drawn at the bottom. _And for the show _was written on the back. Confused by the messages, she turned to Nurse Debbie when she heard her speak again.

"And here's another one," the woman cackled, lifting a cream stuffed animal from behind the counter.

Meredith stared speechless at the 14-inch teddy bear in front of her. It was wearing a light blue shirt, sporting the message '_Catch me I'm falling_' in pink lettering. In its hand was a small brown paper bag. Dazed and more horrified than ever, she absentmindedly peered into the bag to see a familiar piece of white lace.

A bubble of laughter escaped as she recalled the underwear she had sneaked into Alex' locker a few days ago.

Nurse Debbie's face sank as she watched the intern's horrified expression turn into tickled giggling. _Darn it … so much for getting a laugh at her expense._ Disappointed, she turned back to her charting.

She ought to be mad, fuming mad in fact, but she wasn't, and she couldn't, for the life of her, fathom why she found this amusing, endearing even.

Her amused smirk turned into a nervous gasp as she spotted Derek, whom she hadn't noticed standing by the OR board earlier, coming toward her with a worried look on his face.

**

* * *

**

_Sorry this isn't longer. I just wanted to put up this chapter before I left for work._

_I live in the Philippines, so I don't know how much you spend on commuting and food in the US, which means I made up those figures. LOL._

_Murgy31_** --- **thanks for the suggestion and review. let's see what will happen in the next chapter when derek and mer talk. she just might admit it, or then again, she might not, not yet anyway. LOL.

_Ciaobella06_** --- **thanks for making me feel better about the previous chapter.

_Again, thanks for reading and for reviewing (jany1988 & jenniferlauren)_

_050107_


	5. Chapter 5

_Nervous doesn't begin to cover how I feel about this chapter. I'm pretty sure I'll get a number of different reactions and opinions. I've struggled with it for two days, hence the delay in updates. I'm posting it so I can finally get past this and move forward in the story, so please please please be gentle. I'll be holding my breath till the next update._

* * *

Being the avoider that she was, she wasn't able to curb the instinct to run. She assessed her chances of escaping, aware that Derek was quickly closing the distance. She took two steps away from the counter but turned at the voice of the woman behind the station. 

"You forgot your packages," she said in a bored tone, pointing to said packages with her pen.

"Uhm, I'll come back for them later, I promise," Meredith squeaked, shuffling her feet as she moved backwards then turned around to complete her escape.

"Hey," he greeted softly, foiling her attempt at fleeing.

"Hey," she whispered back, turning to face him with a tight smile.

"Hey," came a third voice, announcing the approach of Cristina.

She had been hiding behind the potted plant at the waiting area. She was at the nurse's station when the flowers were delivered, shocked to hear that they were for her best friend. Witnessing the sly, devious grin on Nurse Debbie's face, she immediately bribed her with a twenty for a chance to watch as Mer receives her gifts. She had the damnedest time trying to laugh hysterically in silence, but her enjoyment waned at the look of panic on her friend's face. _Oh, shit! McDreamy!_

Ignoring the menacing look on the neurosurgeon's face, she sidled up to Mer, "Cute bear. The heart balloons are a bit too much, but the flowers … ni-i-i-i-ce."

"Cristina," Mer hissed under her breath, making big eyes at her friend before glancing embarrassedly at Derek.

"So, you ready," Cristina asked.

"Uh … for what," Mer inquired, distracted by the irritation on Derek's face.

"Dance lessons. Never know when the cha-cha would come in handy," she snickered, grabbing the card from the blonde's hand, reading aloud, "For the shower. Hmmm. Interesting."

Meredith quickly snatched the card back, giving her friend a threatening glare. Sending Derek another tight smile, she grabbed Cristina's arm to propel them away.

"Meredith, please, I need to talk to you," he spoke pleadingly.

The desperation in his tone gave her pause. She turned to face him, indecision reflected in her eyes as they met his.

"Mer, please," he implored softly, his blue eyes making the same plea.

Something in the way he looked at her made her nod her assent, slowly releasing her deathly grip on Cristina's arm.

"You sure," Cristina questioned in her ear.

"Yes, thanks," she whispered back, mustering her courage as she turned to Derek.

He frowned at Cristina with displeasure before smiling his appreciation at Meredith. He jerked his head to the right, an invitation to go somewhere else.

With a final meaningful glance at Cristina, Meredith stepped away from her friend until she reached his side. They had taken several steps when an irritated voice called out to her.

"Dr. Grey, do you expect me to have this monstrous display littering my counter all day?" Nurse Debbie couldn't resist another jab at the intern.

"Uhm, Dr. Yang will take care of them," she answered.

"No way, dude. I'm not gonna be caught dead with a teddy bear and …"

"Please, Cristina," she interrupted.

"Fine, but you're wearing a pastel gown to the wedding!"

_X ---------- AT AN EMPTY GALLERY ---------- X_

In their quest for a place to talk, they had stumbled upon the dark gallery. She nodded her approval before preceding him inside. She needed some distance for a few seconds, just enough to prepare herself for the inevitable confrontation. Their search for a secluded place, which was made in silence, had unnerved her, she must admit. They had brushed against each other a few times, and the physical connection, coupled with the familiar scent of his cologne, triggered a barrage of memories and emotions that messed with her equilibrium. If she were to get through this conversation, she had to pull herself together, strengthen her conviction.

She lowered herself onto the center seat of the first row, looking for calmness in the empty OR below. She felt rather than saw him take the seat beside her.

"I haven't seen you around," he started softly.

"Yeah, it's been crazy down at the pit and clinic," she replied, matching his tone.

She felt his eyes on her, knew it by the hairs rising on her neck and arms, and she steeled herself against the tightness in her chest.

"I miss you," he whispered.

"Derek," she pleaded for him to stop.

"I know we agreed to take space, but could we … is it possible … I mean, maybe we could spend time together … get a drink or something."

"I can't, Derek," she said quietly, rubbing her hands against her legs to keep them from shaking.

"Mer," he pleaded, covering her hand with his.

She froze at the contact, looking down at his hand over hers. She took a deep breath and removed her hand from under his, turning to look at him before speaking.

"I can't, Derek. I can't go out with you," she said apologetically, bravely looking at the wounded expression on his face.

"The flowers," he asked, preparing himself for her answer.

"Yes," she confirmed quietly.

"There's …" he trailed off, unable to say the words, leaning away from her.

"Yes, there's someone else," she provided the words for him.

Her heart lurched at the hurt she saw in his eyes. She watched him as he leaned forward, put his elbows on his parted knees then buried his face in his hands. She heard him draw several deep breaths, as if to collect himself. After a minute, he turned his head to look at her, accusation and confusion hardening his blue eyes.

"I left for New York a week ago. A week, Mer. How could this have happened in a week?" His tone was cold and angry though he spoke in a low voice.

She didn't respond, couldn't respond, didn't know how to respond. Even though every part of her screamed to lash out at him for having hurt her first, to explain herself, to defend her actions, she remained silent. How could she explain what she herself didn't understand?

She was still watching him as he stood up abruptly and walked to the corner of the room, needing distance from her. He leaned his shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms across his chest as he stared absently at the OR equipment below. She saw his jaw tense, giving her the impression that he was grinding his teeth. The silence deafened her, the heavy tension threatened to suffocate her, but she stayed, waited.

He turned to face her after a few minutes, shifting to lean his back against the wall. The blue eyes that met hers no longer held anger. He took a deep breath, wiped a hand over his face, and then made his way back to her.

She held her breath when he crouched down in front of her, leaning on her lap as he took her hands in his. She didn't try to evade his caress this time, knowing that they both needed the intimacy and familiarity of each other's touch; for him, it was a refuge from the painful reality that he was losing her, and for her, it was an affirmation that she was ready to let him go.

"I messed up. When I didn't tell you about Addison, I wronged you. When I stayed with her, I chose wrong. When I walked away from you, I made a mistake. When you drowned, and I couldn't bring you back to life, I failed you. My biggest regret is that I didn't fight for you, for us. I messed up, Mer."

He sacrificed his possession of her hands to brace her face in his hands, closing the gap as he leaned closer to her.

"I love you and I want so much for us to be together. I want to fight for us, to make us work. But, if you tell me… if you really want me to let you go, Meredith … I'll let you go … I'll give that to you. If this guy can give you what I can't …"

He took a deep breath as he traced a thumb across her cheek, and then he continued softly.

"I don't want to mess up again; I don't want to fail you again, Mer, and if letting you go is what you need …"

She gathered her thoughts and clasped her hands over the trembling hands holding her face.

"For a long time, I've needed you to save me from drowning… to make everything right for me … to breathe for me. I can't let anyone do those things for me anymore. I have to do those things for myself … I'm learning to do those things for myself," she replied calmly, confidently.

Not once since they've started dating had he seen her so self-possessed, so composed, so accepting of herself. Where he had failed, this other guy had succeeded. And then he knew.

Eyes bright with unshed tears, he leaned in to brush his lips against hers, softly … hovering … savoring … memorizing … cherishing their last kiss … then he pulled away.

He slowly moved to the seat beside her, careful not to touch her. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, the faint scent of lavender teasing his nostrils. He allowed himself a moment of sadness, to mourn his loss.

After a couple of minutes, he turned to face her, his smile reaching his eyes this time, comforting and teasing.

"So I guess this is the part where you say, 'I hope we can still be friends', huh," he said in a low husky tone, nudging her with his arm.

She turned to him with a smile, looking at him with tenderness and affection.

"I'd like that," she beamed, returning the nudge.

"Hmmm, flowers, balloons and teddy bears," he mocked, crinkling his nose as if in disgust.

"Yeah, afraid so," she giggled heartily, delighting in his light banter.

"What the hell kind of stunts did you pull to make this guy take revenge this way?"

_X ---------- TEN MINUTES LATER ---------- X_

They were forced out of the gallery due to a scheduled surgery. They continued their conversation as they made their way to the locker room.

"As I said before, you suck at being friends. Just tell me already," he berated.

Her gurgling laughter at his feigned annoyance faded as she realized that they had stopped walking. Turning towards him, she saw that he was looking at her somberly, a trace of sadness marring the warmth of his gaze. He smiled weakly to chase away the melancholy, exhaled slowly to dispel the sudden bleakness that had pervaded.

He shook his head slowly, licked his lips to moisten them, and then flashed her a tender smile. He reached out a hand, traced his finger along her forehead as if to erase her worried frown, then tucked her hair behind her ear, before letting his hand settle lightly on her arm.

"It's okay. We're going to be okay," he whispered, squeezing her arm in assurance.

"Meredith, I need to talk to you," the stammered request interrupted the moment.

Exchanging warm smiles to cement their new friendship, Derek and Meredith turned curiously at the approach of George.

She gasped as she saw her former roommate carrying the cream teddy bear, the white panties no longer hidden in the bag but dangling from its hand. And to her horror, a note in Cristina's handwriting, 'Property of Meredith Grey', was attached to the white lace.

_

* * *

__I won't be updating this for the next few days. I've been neglecting my MerDer fanfic, so I want to focus on writing several chapters for it. I've put it up before this one, and it's already down four chapters. Every time I started writing MerDer, Alex kept popping into my head. Anyway, I promise to update in a few days._

_Quick poll. Not intended as a spoiler, but I need your opinions. I was playing around with the idea of having Addison make a short appearance, you know, to mess things up a bit, which will/may eventually lead to Alex and Mer making a more concrete decision. Good or bad idea?_

_Please DO NOT review. In fact, let's not even mention this chapter from now on. LOL. Thanks for reading, though._

_My personal notes to your reviews will be included in next chapter. Rushing to leave for work already. Please know that I appreciate everything you've written. Thanks heaps!_

_050307_


	6. Chapter 6

_Okay, so I know I said that I wouldn't be updating this soon, but I couldn't help it. One, I really couldn't get MerAlex out of my mind (besides, I updated Taking Space, so I guess it's okay). Two, this scene came to mind as I was driving to work. And three, I have to take attention away from the dissatisfying previous chapter. LOL._

_BTW, to those who reviewed --- even when I specifically asked you NOT to --- many, many thanks. It was really difficult to write it, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Here's hoping you like this chapter._

* * *

"So, who are you hiding from now?" 

"George … and I'm not speaking to you!"

Alex laughed at the pout on Mer's face as he lowered himself to the ground beside her, deliberately sliding against her body.

_What will she do if I hold her hand_, he wondered, his heart beating wildly at the thought.

"How did you find me anyway? Shut up," she berated, rolling her eyes at him when he chuckled at her for speaking to him.

"I saw you sneak in here five minutes ago. I had to wait before following you to avoid suspicion," he explained, his heart still beating erratically as he stared at her hand hanging loosely over her raised knee.

"Oh, right … wait, I'm still not speaking to you."

She went back to moping.

_We're in a supply closet anyway, so it won't count as public display of affection_, he reasoned.

"Thanks for the flowers," she said softly, breaking the silence and her unconvincing snubbing of Alex.

His head turned at the sound of her voice. He caught the glimmer in her eyes, and they burst out laughing.

"You better give me back that list," she said when her laughter subsided a little. "I'm afraid of what you might do next."

"Couldn't help it, sorry. Still mad at me," he asked.

"No, but I should be," she said grudgingly. "Nurse Debbie laughed her ass off, at my expense! She laughed, Alex," she complained, shifting position as she stretched her legs out in front of her.

_All you have to do is reach out and take it from her lap, but be cool about it._

"And Cristina poked fun at me again, and to make matters worse …" she continued ranting, oblivious to the conversation Alex was having with himself.

_Wait, she's still mad at you for the teddy bear. She just might freak out._

"… to make matters worse, that spiteful woman, who's no longer my best friend by the way, gave the bear AND panties to George … and he confronted me about them, Alex … "

_Screw it!_

He reached out to cover her hand with his, his heart about to jump out of his chest as he waited for her reaction.

Tiny shivers of pleasure raced along his spine as he felt her turn her hand over, palm grazing palm, and threaded her fingers through his as she continued to rant.

"… he recognized the panties as the ones that fell from your locker. Alex, I think he knows. And he asked me about them, in front of Derek too." She paused to take a breath as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I was lucky to have distracted him from interrogating me, and I managed to escape both him and Derek. I'm pretty sure he's going to ask me again later."

_She didn't pull away._ His heart was racing so fast from the intimacy of holding hands that he feared she could hear it. He moved their clasped hands to his raised knee, moving his thumb along her finger.

"So let him ask," Alex said calmly. "He may have made the connection, but you don't need to confirm it if you don't want to."

She raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him, her face still close to his.

"Should we tell them, about us, I mean? Should we just tell everyone? They're all probably talking about the flowers and bear anyway."

"Nah. At this point, it's all speculation. They may know you're seeing someone, but they don't know it's me. I say, we milk this thing … leave them guessing. Besides, I like the sneaking around bit," he said, wagging his eyebrows.

She giggled as she put her head back on his shoulder, then their laughter subsided into companionable silence as they got lost in their own thoughts.

After a couple of minutes, he felt her free hand creeping along his arm until it settled into an embrace around his biceps. _Wonder what she'll do if I_ _kiss her_. He pressed his lips to her hair and she sighed.

"I talked to Derek a while ago," she started softly, squeezing the hand she held in hers. "He saw the flowers you sent, and he asked if we could talk."

He let out a deep breath, recalling the jealousy and anxiety he felt when he saw them together earlier. He didn't know what to think when he saw them walking beside each other, but he noticed the bleakness in the surgeon's expression, and he somehow felt less threatened. It didn't relieve the jealousy, however.

"I know," he admitted.

"What? You saw us," she asked, breaking contact with his shoulder once more.

"Yes, I did," he sighed heavily, due to the loss of contact or the remaining traces of anxiety, he didn't know.

She caressed his arm slowly, comfortingly.

"He asked me out," she said quietly, snuggling closer to him as she felt him tense. "I told him I couldn't. I told him I was seeing someone."

He studied her crinkling blue eyes and brilliant smile, daring to hope. _I'm going to kiss her_.

"You told him? He knows about us?"

"Well, I didn't tell him it was you, but I said I was seeing someone. Do you want me to tell him it's you?"

_All I need to do is lean forward three inches. _He stared at her mouth, the temptation to kiss her too strong.

"No. Let's just make him suffer with the rest of them," he whispered with a smile, pulling her to him as he gave in to the temptation.

**

* * *

**

_Okay, I'm seriously going to get MerAlex out of my mind for the next few days at least. Still waiting for my download to complete, so I haven't watched the latest 2-hr epi yet. If Derek was a jerk, maybe I'd update sooner. LOL._

_JenniferL_** --- **as much as I would love to stay home and write all day, I have two children to support, so unless you'd offer to adopt them … LOL.

_BitB21, Cabot007, Jany1988, carsonfiles --- _blush I'm blushing a deeper shade of red than Meredith. thank you.

_Kate/lexi/sara/whatever --- _you're too funny; cracked me up with your reviews. i'm still your number 1 fan!

_AuburnH, Jany1988, frenchnavygirl --- _thanks for the reviews. hope you weren't disappointed with the mer-der talk.

_Greys-Angeles --- _seriously! LOL. you'll have to wait a while though for the alex-derek scene whatever. I want alex and mer to have fun sneaking around first. linen closet, on-call rooms, living room … oooh, the possibilities are endless. LOL.

_Ilajkajas2215 ---_i'm glad you're interested in the story, especially since you're a merder fan. thanks for the review and for the info on the prices.

_Greys-Angeles, Jany1988, carsonfiles, Cabot007 --- _tsk tsk tsk. not following directions. time-out, 2 minutes! LOL. thanks for easing my mind about chapter 5.

_Okay, reviews are welcome once more! LOL. Thanks for reading and reviewing._

050407


	7. Chapter 7

_Crap! Stop it, Meredith! Do not … oh, crap! _She knew she had lost the battle when she felt his body go rigid against her.

A while ago, he had pulled her out of their sitting position to lean her against the shelf, and then he proceeded to do some naughty, gloriously naughty, deliciously glorious naughty, things to her body that made her knees go weak. The fingers that were causing those delicious swirls of pleasure on her puckered nipple had now suddenly gone still, and the incredibly arousing assault of his tongue in her mouth ceased. The hand that he had wrapped around her waist to protect her from the hard column of the shelf tightened as well.

He stared at her in disbelief before pulling a couple of feet away from her, his hands on his hips.

"Seriously? Dude … you just ruined the moment." His eyes were fixed on her bare breast, her bra hastily drawn under it, her scrub top bunched carelessly above.

The giggling that had 'ruined the moment' became more uncontrollable, erupting into a bubble of laughter at his bewildered-yet-annoyed expression. She placed a hand on her bare midriff and the other went to cover her mouth to smother the laughter.

"I'm so sorry, Alex," she said in between giggles. "I don't know why … it's just that …"

"For the record, Grey, no woman has ever started giggling while making out with me," he drawled, closing the distance without making contact.

She closed her eyes to compose herself, but his nearness didn't assuage the tickling sensations racking her body, attacking her already heightened senses. She opened her eyes to warm brown eyes staring back, an amused twinkle in them. She put her arms around his neck to draw him nearer.

"I'm really sorry, Alex," she continued giggling, faltering when she felt his hand on her breast again, torturously giving it a few flicks before fixing her bra and scrub top. "I couldn't help it. It's just that … it was so funny … you know, making out in a supply closet."

"Why, haven't you done it before," he asked, nuzzling her neck.

"No, I can't say that I have," still giggling.

"Well, then, it's about time you get introduced to the pleasures of hospital-closet sex, and I'm just the guy for the job," he drawled seductively, grinding his hips against hers.

"I'm looking forward to it," she said --- yup, you guessed it, still giggling.

"Stop laughing so I can kiss your mouth properly," he said in frustration against her smiling mouth.

"Okay, break it up you two," Cristina said in a bored tone, causing them to jump apart. "Mer, I need to talk to you."

Cristina turned to Alex, delighted to have flustered him.

"Evil Spawn, go find another closet for your nasty-nasty sessions," she leered then turned to her best friend. "Seriously, Mer, there should be rules about the use of this supply closet. We come in here to hide, so NO sex in here. You'll have to find another closet for that."

Getting over her initial shock at Cristina's entrance, Meredith glanced at Alex, another attack of the giggles sneaking up on her at his mortified expression. She took a step towards him, but stopped when he started to fidget nervously.

"What makes you think we were making out," Alex asked in a choked voice, a blush creeping along his neck.

"Haven't you learned yet that Meredith makes really loud inappropriate noises during sex? When she started giggling, I figured you've finished doing the deed."

Sending Cristina a reprimanding look, she put her hand on his arm to calm him down, rubbing gently until she felt him relax a little.

"Don't mind her. She's doubly bitchy because of the wedding. I'll see you later," she assured him softly.

He glared at Cristina, annoyed that they were interrupted and slightly embarrassed for getting caught, and then he looked at Meredith to gauge her reaction. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, she didn't seem to be freaked out by getting caught, and more interestingly, getting caught making out with him. Encouraged by that observation, he shrugged and leaned into her to plant a kiss on her smiling mouth.

"K, I'll see you at home," he replied, smoothing her hair before turning to leave. He threw a menacing glance at Cristina as he walked out of the closet.

Cristina snickered as the door closed behind him. "Lover boy looked all shaken."

"Quit it. You scared the crap out of us," she hissed, but the humor of the situation got her giggling again.

They sprawled out on the floor facing each other, taking their usual positions.

"One of these days, you're gonna have to tell me how you do that," Mer said.

"Do what?"

"Catch me at my most humiliating moments."

"And spoil all the fun? I don't think so."

After their laughter had finally subsided, Cristina kicked her friend to catch her attention.

"Meredith, what the hell is going on between you and Alex? You're making out in closets now?"

* * *

_A/N: Will continue Mer-Cristina conversation in the next chapter. It's midnight so I have to go to bed. _

_Poor Derek --- seems everyone dislikes him. Now Alex and Mark are the ones being dreamy on the show. Sigh. Hey, easier for me to write. LOL_

_AuburnH --- _I'll dedicate the next sneaky closet scene to you since this one wasn't steamy enough. No interruptions next time. LOL.

_JenniferL, Petra79_ --- you sure know how to get a girl to blush and feel good about herself. Those were just the sweetest compliments. Thank you … from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

_Ciaobella06, Murgy31, LaFilmeMichelle, Cabot007, Greys-Angeles, ilajkajas2215, Coppie_ --- I used to imagine McDreamy saying and doing those things to ME; now I just imagine Alex. LOL. thanks for the reviews.

_Coppie_ --- after that scrub room scene between Mer and Mark (3x21), I actually started a fanfic about them, but I had just uploaded two stories. Maybe after this one. Thanks for the review.

_Again, thanks heaps for the reviews --- because of all of you, I can't update my merder fic --- and I hope you continue to enjoy reading this._

050507


	8. Chapter 8

_So sorry. My 4-yr-old daughter was hogging my computer the past two days, so I had to get up at 3:45am to finish this chapter. _

* * *

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Cristina," she sighed, leaning her head against the wall.

"Dude, I just walked in on you making out in a closet … with Alex … Alex Karev … Evil Spawn Alex. How can you not know what you're doing?"

"It's just that … he's just so … and I'm …"

"What?"

"I don't know! I just don't know, okay," Meredith said in exasperation.

"Oh my God, Mer, are you falling for him," Cristina gasped.

"What? Of course not! How could you even think that? He's Alex," she shrieked, shuddering in disgust.

"So what the hell is going on," Cristina demanded.

"It was supposed to be 'just sex'. We had an agreement … just sex … no emotional involvement … just pure unadulterated fun. Now it's gotten so complicated. I don't know what I'm going to do."

She buried her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Taking a deep controlling breath, she lifts her head to face her best friend.

"I'm pregnant, and I don't know who the father is, Cristina."

* * *

_Okay, I'm kidding. Bad joke, I know. Sorry. Just wanted to see if you've followed the story so far. I was also testing out my idea about the reader getting to choose what happens next --- guess it won't work with this story. Hehe. Sorry, sorry. Here is the real Mertina conversation. _

"How good is the sex anyway?"

"Cristina," Meredith scoffed, rolling her eyes at her friend.

"Seriously, Mer. What's going on," Cristina asked. "Is it the sex? That's it, isn't it? The sex is great, and you guys are just fooling around, right?"

"Not exactly, though the sex is pretty incredible … the things those hands can do," she sighed exaggeratedly, the glimmer in her eyes telling of her earlier arousal.

"Eeeeeew, I _so_ did not want to know that!" Cristina shuddered, her face scrunched up in disgust.

"You asked me … so I'm telling you," she replied, giggling at her friend's reaction.

"Seriously, Mer, it's just too weird."

"Why? Why is it weird," Mer challenged.

"Well, because … because he's Alex … Evil Spawn Alex … gave-George-syphilis Alex … Izzie's old boyfriend Alex …" she trailed off as Meredith raised her hand to stop her.

"First of all, _Olivia_ gave George the syph, and he hasn't been sleeping around, not anymore. Second, Izzie broke up with him, so that's not an issue." She continued softly, affectionately, "Third, he's not an Evil Spawn, Cristina. Maybe he was a jerk when we met him, but he's really sweet and attentive, and he's a good friend, and …"

"Oh my God, Mer, have you fallen for him," Cristina interrupted disbelievingly.

"No, I haven't fallen for him," she replied unconvincingly after a few seconds. "At least I don't think I have."

"What does that mean?"

"I do _not_ know, okay. I don't know." Mer sighed, drawing her legs to her chest, her hands wrapping around her ankles as she rested her chin on her knees.

Cristina leaned forward to study her friend's face.

"Mer, why weren't you mad about the flowers and heart balloons? I mean, he sent you a freakin' cream teddy bear in a baby blue shirt, for heaven's sake, and you were laughing! I would have expected you to deck him or gut him with a scalpel. Instead, I catch you making out in the closet."

"I did freak out … I was mortified," she said in defense.

"You did at first, but then you just started giggling."

"He sent those as revenge, okay. He was just getting back at me for something I did. That's why I laughed, because he got me back."

"What did you do to deserve that kind of embarrassment," she asked, intrigue gleaming her eyes.

"I'm not saying," she giggled at her friend's crest-fallen expression. Then she said indignantly, "Hey, I almost forgot. I'm mad at you! Why did you give them to George? He confronted me about those panties … in front of Derek, too. I shouldn't be speaking to you!"

She made a production out of sulking, but had as much success in punishing her friend as her attempt in ignoring Alex earlier.

"Crap, I forgot about McDreamy. What happened?"

Still reeling from the multitude of emotions that assailed her since she got Nurse Debbie's page, she recounted the events of the last two hours --- her conversation with Derek at the gallery, George seeking her out about the panties, and her talk with Alex about telling everyone about them --- ending her animated monologue with, "so we're not exactly hiding it, we're just not announcing it."

Meredith waited for her friend to react, nudging Cristina when she had continued to stare at her open-mouthed.

"Let me get this straight. You fought with Derek and he left for New York, then you slept with Alex, then McDreamy comes back and you avoid him, then you sleep with Alex again but do the two-step to hide from him, and now you've broken up with Derek and I walk in on you making out with Alex. Mer, how the hell did you get from one night of drunken sex to making decisions about letting people know about you two?"

"We may have been drunk that night, but I was sober when I slept with him," she corrected.

At her friend's skeptical look, Mer took a deep breath before continuing.

"It started out as a deal, an arrangement we had … then somewhere along the way it changed … and we agreed to explore this thing we had, to see where it goes … and I was confused about it at first … only, now I feel … he makes me feel … crap! Fine, I like him, okay. I like him a lot, and we're trying to make a go of it, and I want to be with him, and you're not helping matters at all by poking fun at us, at him. So just give us a break, okay."

"Cristina," she implored, snapping her friend out of her continued silence.

"Fine, Mer, whatever," offering her acceptance of their relationship. "Just don't get all sweet and mushy and cuddly …" she shuddered as Meredith burst out laughing.

* * *

_A/N: This may sound like a recap of what has happened so far, but this conversation needed to take place. Admitting it to Cristina makes it real for Mer, finally facing up to how she feels about Alex. _

_You have been very generous with your reviews, and I truly appreciate everything you've said. I write the story based on what you guys say about where you want it to go. So … let's see … we already had couch cuddling, snuggling in bed, nasty-nasty in the shower, sneaky closet make-out session. Anything else you want to happen in the story? Let me know. LOL._

_Personal notes in next chapter. I have to start on that already before my daughter wakes up so I can update again before the day ends._

_Thanks again for the reviews and for following the story._

_050707_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: For JenniferL, who's having a really bad day, and for AuburnH, who likes MerAlex talking as well as sneaky closet scenes._

* * *

"So Yang knows, huh?" 

She jumped as she felt his arm wrap around her waist from behind, straightening from the bent position she was in while peering inside the fridge. She grasped the arm that held her, enjoying the tiny shivers dancing along her spine at the contact with his chest.

His arm tightened as a response to her caress, and he touched his lips to her cheek, savoring the intimacy. He felt her relax against him, as if letting go of the day's stresses, and he wrapped his other arm across her chest to draw her tighter to him. He breathed in her unique scent, his stomach fluttering in anticipation at the memories of passion it triggered.

"Rough day," he whispered his question in her ear.

"Hmmm, aside from the humiliation I've suffered because of your presents and getting caught making out in the closet, I'd say no more than usual," she replied sarcastically, her giggling evidence of her feigned anger.

He chuckled against her hair, giving her a final squeeze before loosening his hold on her. Holding her steady till she stood erect on her own, he left a hand on her waist as he reached for two soda cans then closed the door of the fridge. He handed one to her then moved away from her to lean against the counter in front of her, opening his own can and took a sip.

"You know what's the best way to relieve stress in the hospital?"

"What," she giggled, already anticipating something naughty.

"Closet sex, of course. Too bad we were interrupted earlier. You know, Mer, you should seriously consider looking for a new best friend."

He smiled at her laughter, but he wasn't really as amused as he appeared to be. Truth be told, he had worried all afternoon about the conversation Meredith had with her friend after he left them in the closet. He was pretty sure Cristina had tried to discourage her from a relationship with him, especially since he knew how protective she was of Meredith.

"So Yang knows," he asked, avoiding her eyes to hide his fear.

"Yeah," she replied sheepishly, oblivious to his anxiety. "I kinda told her a few days after we first slept together. Today, I mentioned that we're making a go of it."

"I'm guessing she told you that you're out of your freakin' mind for getting involved with me, huh," he said cynically, bracing himself for her response.

She noted the tenseness in his stance, took in the defensiveness that made his shoulders rigid.

"Is that why you don't want to tell people about us? Is that what you're worried about … what people are going to say to me about you," she asked softly.

She saw his answer in the flash of insecurity in his eyes. Her heart tightened at the knowledge that he was still uncertain about how she felt about him. She put the soda down on the table and closed the gap between them. She took his hands and fastened them on her hips before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Alex," she whispered, "I want to be with you," leaning in to kiss him gently on the mouth.

His lips remained still for only a few seconds before responding to her kiss. He had just shifted his hands to her back when they heard the front door slam shut, and Cristina's '_Mer_' coincided with Alex' groan of frustration. They broke the kiss but didn't bother pulling apart, his arms fastening her to him as she leaned her forehead on his shoulder.

"Do I have to hose you two down," Cristina asked in a bored tone as she passed them on her way to the fridge. "I thought we agreed no cuddling and all that icky hugging."

"I'm telling you … new best friend," Alex whispered in Mer's ear as he straightened from the counter, loosening his hold on her.

She giggled her response, then turned to face Cristina without leaving Alex' arms, her back resting on his chest.

"What," Cristina asked innocently, noticing that they were both staring at her.

"What are you doing here," Mer asked patiently, irritation warring with amusement at her friend's apparent lack of consideration.

"Hanging out."

"Why here in my house? What's wrong with your apartment," she asked, finally leaving the warmth of Alex' embrace to take the seat beside Cristina.

The front door slammed shut once more to announce the arrival of yet another intruder, and George came into the kitchen a few seconds later carrying a case of beer.

"Mer, does everyone in Seattle Grace have a key to your house," Alex asked sarcastically, realizing that his plan to have Mer to himself for the night was no longer possible.

"What are you guys doing here," Mer asked, throwing Alex an apologetic look.

"I told you … hanging out," Cristina said dispassionately. Addressing George, she asked, "Where's the pizza?"

Unzipping his jacket, he replied, "Izzie's picking them up on her way home," alternately glancing at Mer and Alex as if trying to read them.

Both of them avoided his interrogatory gaze.

"Again, why _my_ house? Why not hang out in your apartment," she asked Cristina, "or yout hotel," she asked George.

"Because you're the only one who actually has a house," Cristina blurted out. "Do you realize how crazy that sounds? With their exorbitant salaries, you'd think the Attendings would consider buying one like this. Burke has a tiny flat, Shepherd chooses to live in a freakin' trailer, and Sloan, the Chief and Montgomery live in a hotel. Why the hell is that? I mean, what do they intend to do with all their money … save it to buy a boat or maybe spend it on really big ridiculous weddings with 200 guests and fancy cakes and rainbow-colored bridesmaid gowns and … and …"she trailed off, losing steam.

Sighing in defeat, Meredith replied, "Fine, you can stay, but would you please let me know the next time you volunteer my house for a party."

"Why, do you and Alex want to be alone," Cristina asked slyly, sensing that her comment had raised George's interest.

Before George could voice his question, however, the front door slammed for the third time to admit the last remaining intern.

"Pizza's here. Let's go, I'm starving," Izzie called from the living room.

"Finally," Cristina muttered as she rose from the table, grabbing five bottles of beer on her way out.

George continued to stare at Meredith for a while longer before following Cristina out of the kitchen.

"Izzie! These are all chick flicks!" They heard Cristina shrieking from the living room.

"Yeah, to help you get in the mood … to inspire you for the wedding," Izzie countered.

"Oh God, this is gonna be a long night," Alex groaned as he slowly moved towards the kitchen door, coming to a stop in front of Mer when he felt her hand on his arm.

With her hand holding him in place, she stood up and leaned into him.

"I'm really sorry about this, Alex. You can always sneak in to my room after they leave and Izzie falls asleep," she whispered conspiratorially, winking at him before turning towards the door.

She giggled quietly as he yanked her back to him, eagerly waiting for his mouth to descend on hers.

* * *

_I just realized that the other characters (Izzie, etc.) do not have specific storylines in this story. I'm just using or making up details as I deem convenient or relevant to the situation/scene. _

_JenniferL --- hope this perked you up. I had to bribe my daughter for some computer time to get this chapter done. I'd trade her for your sister. Deal? LOL._

_AuburnH _--- well, I really tried to do a sneaky closet scene, but I don't think they'd both fit in the pantry. Hope the kitchen was good enough. MerAlex talking and chilling in the next chapter. Btw, maybe you could give me more details about making out drunk; it would make an interesting scene for this story. LOL

_Petra79_ --- that makes two of us (giggling along and dreaming about being with Alex in the closet). LOL.

_Jany1988_ --- good luck on your exams, but I'm sure you'll do really well. btw, do you really want everyone to find out already? I was really hoping for more meralex sneaking around, but I'll see how I can do both.

_Greylegalmistress, cabot007_ --- yeah, I could only imagine cristina as the perfect person to walk in on them. Glad you enjoyed it.

_Cabot007, Greys-Angeles, LaFilmeM_ --- wish Derek were McDreamy again. OMG, did you see the preview for the next epi? Was he flirting with that girl?

_Mcdramaqueen, rdrherrera_ --- welcome to the story. am really glad you're enjoying it. you can't begin to imagine how much I appreciate all the things you said in your reviews. here's hoping you continue reading.

_Please review and thanks for reading! Will try to update again soon._

_050807_


	10. Chapter 10

_I shuffled around my planned sequence of chapters to incorporate the ideas you presented in your reviews. Besides, it's been a week already so Mer is due for another day-off. LOL._

_For Ciaobella06 & AuburnH, who love the sneaking around; Jany1988 & JenniferL, who love semi-domestic meralex; and LaFilmeM, to make up for my 'joke' in chapter 8. LOL._

* * *

He stood by the door inside his room, his ear pressed against it as he listened intently for the creak that would indicate the opening of the door next to his. When he heard it, he counted to five, and then the door at the end of the hallway slammed shut. He quietly opened his door, then tiptoed his way to the bathroom, and at the sound of water running, he took three steps into Meredith's room. 

She was still asleep under the covers, in the exact position as he'd left her half an hour ago. He walked towards her side of the bed and knelt on the floor, leaning in to smooth the hair that impeded his view of her face. He planted a kiss on her forehead as she stirred.

Rousing from the light sleep she had fallen into since he snuck out of the room a while ago, she opened sleep-drugged eyes to warm brown ones sparkling with desire and disappointment. She smiled up at him, scooting closer to the edge of the bed to get nearer to the warmth of his body.

"Do you really have to go to work today? Couldn't you just call in sick and get someone to cover your shift," she whispered.

"Meredith," he berated in a low voice (as sternly as he could), groaning in frustration as he desperately prevented her wandering hand from reaching its destination. "Stop that!"

She faked a pout at the entrapment of her hand against his stomach, a mere inch above the waistband of his jeans. "Spoilsport," she mumbled teasingly, a gleam in her smiling eyes.

She let out a gurgle of laughter at the way his hand tightened over hers when she attempted to continue its downward slide. This elicited an amused smirk from her sorely-tempted-but-defenseless prey, his eyes betraying his desire. He bent down a little more to scowl at her.

"Meredith, behave. I have to …," he growled, his voice hitching when he felt her free hand sneakily graze his crotch.

He snaked his hands around her wrists and moved quickly. In a matter of seconds, he had covered her body with his, her back flat on the bed, his hands around her wrists keeping her hands firmly in place on either side of her head. He smirked at her before covering her mouth with his, swallowing her triumphant giggle.

Calculating that they had a few more minutes before Izzie completed her morning routine, he gave in to the temptation to kiss her passionately, devouring her mouth to let her know how much he wanted to stay in bed with her. Gathering his last remaining ounce of control, he gently pulled away from the kiss, his lips softening against hers to bank the fire before completely breaking contact.

He leaned his forehead on hers, trying to normalize his breathing. He pressed his crotch against hers in a manner of helpless surrender, announcing the victory of her mission to seduce. He chuckled when he heard her gloating laugh.

"I really have to go to work, but I'll see what I can do about getting out early. You're going to pay for this later, you know that, right," he threatened, gently grazing his teeth against her neck, his tongue dancing lightly on her skin, a promise of retaliation, a glimpse of what he intended to do later tonight.

His lips moved back to her mouth, a final farewell, and then he quickly removed himself from temptation. Standing beside the bed, he bent down to kiss her.

"I'll see you later. Enjoy your day-off."

_Get out while you still can_, the voice of sanity screamed at him. Shaking his head, he moved towards the door, looking back to throw her a promise of retribution. He smirked at her grin before closing the door.

_X ---------- LIVING ROOM AT THE GREY YOUTH HOSTEL, 11:00AM ---------- X_

_What the … oh no! Oh shit! Of all the idiotic things_ … she berated herself. _I'm never going to hear the end of this_.

She jumped out of the couch in a state of panic when she heard keys jangling against the front door.

Alex finally managed to still his trembling fingers long enough to unlock the door, anticipation and exhilaration at spending the day with Mer uninterrupted affecting his coordination. He quickly pushed through the door and locked it, dropped his bag, and announced his presence. _Just giving her fair warning_, the prey-turned-predator mused humorously.

"Mer," he called out as he moved away from the door.

"Hey. In here," she answered somewhat out of breath.

He followed her voice to the living room. He leaned against the doorframe, taking in the pile of laundry in the basket on the coffee table and the folded clothes neatly stacked on the seat.

"Hey. What are you doing home," she greeted distractedly, her smile warm but a little forced as she gazed at him from her position on the couch.

"I was able to get Parkins to cover my shift so I took off early," he explained, smiling curiously at her Cleopatra-like pose on the couch. His eyes traveled the length of her body stretched out on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, her right hand splayed across her stomach, her head cradled in the palm of her left hand.

Though he sensed a little tension in her demeanor, he readily accepted the bright smile that flashed on her face upon hearing his news. Eager for the fun to commence, he walked towards the couch. Claiming his reward for getting the day off, he wasted no time in kissing her, pushing her back against the cushions by lying on top of her as he attacked her mouth relentlessly.

Knowing that they had the rest of the day together, his feverish assault on her tapered into gentle teasing. He lifted his head and stared down at her.

She smiled back up at him, conveying her delight at having him to herself the rest of the afternoon.

"Have you had lunch?"

"Not yet. I spent the morning doing laundry," she answered, running her fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, I could see that. We need to eat, though … you know, for energy, 'coz I'm thinking we're going to need it," he drawled, wagging his eyebrows at her.

She giggled her response, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Come on, let's see what we have in the fridge," he coaxed, planting a kiss on her mouth before disentangling himself from her body.

"Uh … um … why don't you go do that while I finish off the laundry," she stammered, her body stiffening once more against the cushions.

"I'll help you with the laundry later. I was hoping we'd fix lunch together," he said, taking hold of her hand to pull her up.

"I told you I can't cook, so maybe you should take care of lunch," she reminded him laughingly. "I'm almost done anyway, so I'll join you in the kitchen in a while," she promised, trying to charm him into submitting to her wishes.

He stood back and crossed his arms across his chest, studying her closely to figure out why she was acting twitchy and nervous again. He spied a patch of something pink from under her shoulder, and he looked at her shrewdly.

"Meredith Grey, just what are you trying to hide here," he taunted with humor as he bent towards her to fish out the item in question.

She threw him a sheepish look, prepared for the inevitable discovery of her secret.

"Are these my briefs?"

* * *

_Sorry had to end here, but I'm trying to put up a chapter before I leave for the weekend. I'll be out till Sunday, so I won't be able to update till Monday, but I'll be working on a few chapters hopefully while I'm away. Good news, though. I'll be on a three-week break before classes start (I'm a preschool teacher, btw) in June, so I'll be able to work on this story uninterrupted. So, keep those requests/suggestions coming. LOL._

_Ciaobella06, AuburnH, Jany1988, JenniferL & LaFilmeM_ --- here's hoping my objectives for this chapter were met. Thanks for your continued reviews.

_Greys-Angeles _--- I want him back, too!

_AuburnH_ --- LMAO! Thanks for the details. Will use them for the upcoming chapter, but I have to say that it won't be an actual reenactment.

_Murgy31_ --- great idea, sloan and izzie. This might even be helpful in diffusing her 'freaking out' reaction if she too has a secret to hide. Good thing I didn't use the gizzie storyline here. Thanks for the suggestion.

_Coppie & ilajkajas2215_ --- am really glad you're enjoying this. I'm hooked, too, especially since mcdreamy's no longer being dreamy. Argh, I dread the upcoming epi --- he better not hook up with that girl! Anyway, thanks for your reviews.

_More of the 'day-off' in the next chapter. As always, please review and thanks for reading._

_051007_


	11. Chapter 11

"Okay, I surrender … I surrender! Ale-e-e-e-e-ex!" Meredith shrieked between peals of laughter.

"I'd lend you my underwear to hang on a stick, but seeing as they're no longer white…" he taunted with a growl, one hand resting on the kitchen island opposite his prey while the other shook the can he was holding, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he assessed her next strategy.

She was leaning breathlessly against the tabletop at the other end of the island, her hands raised in surrender, but her eyes darted around the room as she planned her next move, her glance calculating the space around the dining table. The said table was littered with ingredients for the sundae she suggested they have for dessert. The ice cream they'd scooped into the big bowl, now a brown and white soup with a marbled pattern, sat untouched and neglected, the sprinkles and nuts swimming unappetizingly in the melted gunk.

He was just about to put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth when she had underhandedly attacked him with a squirt of whipped cream, immediately running away before he could even react. He ran after her once he got over the shock, her mirth at her attack goading him to chase her, and he almost succeeded in catching her but she was able to escape from his embrace. He did, however, manage to wrestle the whipped cream away from her hand during the struggle. He was able to retaliate when he had her at arm's length, but she was able to evade capture by running around the kitchen.

Which explains how they ended up like this … the length of the island separating them, cream smeared across her face and hair, his face sticky from the mixture of sweat and cream, the kitchen besieged by the assortment of toppings she had thrown at him in defense.

"I'm sorry already. Really, Alex, I'm sorry," she pleaded through her giggles, her eyes still studying the path around the table to the door.

She took a tentative step to her left, and he mirrored her action, which sent her darting back to her original post. She intently watched him shaking the can, tickled by the gleam in his eyes.

"I give up already! You win. Alex, please, please put down the can," she begged, scraping off the thick goop from her face and hair. "Then we can have a shower," she threw in for good measure, wagging her eyebrows at him.

That seemed to work because she saw him smile, a naughty gleam of anticipation shining in his eyes as he set the can down on the counter. She watched him gloatingly take a few steps towards her, and then she flicked the cream from her hand at him before she bolted.

"Sucker!"

Squealing, she made an idiotic dash for the door in the hopes that she could outmaneuver him again, but her giggling had slowed her down.

He caught her as she made her way around the table, the tight space apparently not a problem for him as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Chuckling and shrieking, she flailed her arms in an attempt to knock off the hand that held the can's nozzle against her cleavage.

"Eeeew, Alex! No, no, no …" she pleaded through her frenzied chortling.

"Sucker, eh," he drawled against her ear, pressing on the lever that released the white foam.

Tickled by the firm white gunk in between her breasts, she collapsed against him, her high-pitched laugh ringing in the kitchen. Out of breath, she sagged against his muscled body, grudgingly admitting defeat.

At her surrender, the steel band around her waist loosened its hold slightly, just enough for her to turn to face him. He got a glimpse of her laugh lines and amused smile as she wound her arms around his neck before pressing her forehead against his chin in exhaustion.

He could feel her body still mildly shaking with the last traces of humor, and he smiled against her hair, drawing her closer to him by enveloping her in his arms. Slightly recovered from her unexpected workout, she raised her face to his, several strands of her dark blond hair forming a web as they remained stuck to his shirt.

"You really won't let me get away with anything, huh" she chuckled, lifting a finger to his face to wipe off the cream that stuck to him during their struggle.

"Nope, and the sooner you learn that, the easier it will be for you," he smirked, returning the favor as he rubbed at her sticky cheek.

"Crap! Look at the mess you made," she said, her eyes roving over the kitchen with horror, already dreading the task of cleaning up.

"The mess I made? You started it," he replied, distracted by the smear of white foam under her ear. Giving in to the temptation, he bent his head to lick behind her ear, his tongue rasping heatedly against her skin.

"Stop that. We have to clean up before Izzie gets home or she'll throw a fit," she reprimanded, her voice hitching slightly as she was already tingling with arousal.

"She said she might be home late, if at all, so we can clean up later. Right now, there are far more interesting things to do," he drawled, his lips and tongue traveling downward to her collarbone.

"What? She said she wasn't on call tonight. Where is she going, and what do you mean 'if at all'? She might not sleep here?"

"I don't know. I'm just repeating what she said," he mumbled against her neck.

"But who will she be with tonight?"

"Meredith," he growled in frustration, "Focus!"

"I was just …"

He covered her mouth with his, effectively stopping her incessant rambling. A soft moan escaped her lips at his onslaught, his exploring hands fueling the fire. He picked her up and set her on the dining table, pushing aside the forgotten dishes without breaking the kiss. He nudged her legs apart and positioned himself between them, pulling her closer to him.

He tore his mouth from hers a few minutes later, both of them breathing heavily. Her sharp intake of breath caught his attention, his eyes drawn to the white fluff between her breasts. He smirked at her as he dipped his head.

"Now this is what I call an excellent dessert."

_

* * *

AuburnH, Jany1988, Greys-Angeles, LaFilmeM --- glad you liked it. again, thanks for always reading and reviewing. you're the reasons I write this._

_Jany1988_ --- how was your test? hope you did well. sent up a prayer for you.

_Murgy31_ --- when are you going to start that fic of yours? let me know, k?

_Petra79_ --- I'm looking at the epis differently now too. when alex sat beside mer on the couch (3x22) and again in the hospital after the exam (3x24), my heart started beating really fast. LOL. I agree too that the best place for his underwear would be on the floor!

_Shell36799 & Lennie1984_ --- am really glad you like the story, and I appreciate reviews you left. here's hoping you continue to enjoy reading it.

_Again, thanks for reading!_

_051607_


	12. Chapter 12

_More of the day-off. Credit goes to AuburnH for the details of the drunken night at a frat party mentioned here. LOL. Warning: this chapter may be a bit 'naughty'._

* * *

"What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done," he asked breathlessly, a hitch in his voice from exertion.

She made a spurted giggling sound, her eyes sparkling with amusement at his question. She palmed his face as it neared hers, pushing him away with a chuckle.

"Ha, wouldn't you like to know! I'm not answering that. Ask another one."

"Who's the spoilsport now? Okay, uhm, let me see. What's your record for the number of guys you picked up in one night," he amended, bringing his face closer to hers once more, snatching a kiss before pulling away again.

She licked her lips to savor his quick kiss, narrowing her eyes as she tried to remember the answer to his question.

"Uhm, I think five guys …"

"In one night," he exclaimed, interrupting her statement. He gave her a menacing look as his faced neared hers, stole another kiss, and then pulled away again.

"I was drunk … it was a frat party … I was in college … what did you expect," she defended.

"You slept with five guys in one night," he grunted his question, glaring at her.

"NO, I didn't sleep with any of them. I made out with maybe a couple of them, but that's it. I vaguely remember liquor … lots and lots of liquor … lots of flirting too … dancing … a couch … oh, and a kiddie pool, you know, an inflatable one … I think it had some ducks in them, or was it the design," she chewed her lip as she tried to recall the details of that night.

"But you didn't sleep with any of them," he fished.

"No, I did not sleep with any of them," she repeated, making a face at him.

He brought his face near hers again, but this time, she grasped the sides of his head before he could pull away.

"Do I detect a note of jealousy there," she teased, planting a wet kiss on his lips.

"Of course not. I'm not the kind who gets jealous. Besides, that happened a long time ago, right," he denied, pulling away from her hold.

"Uh-huh. If you say so," she humored him, her heart lurching at the idea that he was jealous.

"Next question," he grouched, rolling his eyes at her.

"Uhm, let me think. Okay, most challenging place you've done it in?"

"Dressing room at Bloomingdales, intimate apparel section … accompanied a friend to buy something," he said casually, her face mere inches from his face again. "Close your mouth, Mer," he teased against her lips before moving away.

"Interesting. Why didn't we do that when we went shopping last week?"

"Because even if we didn't have that 'no sex' rule, I wouldn't dare have sex with you in such a public place."

"Why not," she pouted.

"We'd be caught for sure, that's why!"

"Shut up! Next question," she glared at him, squirming a little at the stirring of arousal those provocative images elicited.

"Most number of times you did it in one day."

"Why do you have an obsession with '_most number of times_'," she asked, playfully poking his forehead when it came within inches of her.

"Vested interest. Just answer the question."

"No!"

"You're the one who started the game, and you already passed on 2 questions, so you'll have to answer this."

_Okay, this is why you should never get involved with someone who knows about your sexual endeavors_, she contemplated. _Oh God, he must think I'm a slut … some deranged adulterous whore who can't get enough of sex,_ and it really bothered her that he may see her that way, she realized. She stopped to analyze why she didn't want him to regard her as such, but her musings were interrupted by his prodding.

"C'mon, I'm waiting."

"Fine! Uhm, if by 'one day' you mean a 24-hr period, I'd say six," she replied somewhat hesitantly, gauging his reaction, a little worried of the impression he was forming about her.

_Oh God, why is he just staring like that?_ She began to agonize about what he was thinking, but a smile broke his stoic expression, a twinkle of anticipation, and desire if she read it correctly, gleaming in his eyes.

"Well, then, that means I've got 10 hours till 1:00am to break that record, and we're already halfway through," he teased, holding her head in place as he thoroughly explored her mouth, leaving her tingling all over, and then he released her, put his hands behind his head again and lowered his upper body to the floor.

Her paranoid thoughts now put to rest by that devastatingly erotic kiss, she countered.

"Ha, you wish. Keep dreaming, Alex," she rebuffed.

"I don't need to, babe. I know you want me," he arrogantly replied. "Admit it … you're lusting after my body," he said with a smirk, staring up at her with dark smoldering eyes.

"You're delusional. I'm surprised you can even lift that head of yours to do sit-ups with a giant ego like yours," she retorted, vehemently denying his accurate claim.

"Uh-huh," he taunted, obviously enjoying her discomfort.

"I so do NOT lust after you," she bit out, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

"Okay, whatever you say,' he smirked.

"I do not," she reiterated, rolling her eyes at him.

She wrapped her arms around his bent legs, looking down at him lying on the floor. As much as she tried to deny it though, she couldn't ignore the pleasurable zinging of electricity cavorting up her legs as they rubbed against his, and the wriggling of his toes against her bottom only added to her already heightened awareness of him. Of course, the rippling muscles of his abs and arms didn't help much in her efforts to control her naughty naughty thoughts.

She took a deep breath as she adjusted her position, holding herself rigid for a few seconds at the friction of his twitching feet against the junction between her legs. That elicited a smirk from Alex, his eyebrows raised at her indrawn breath.

Trying desperately to control the blush creeping along her neck and face, she shifted her legs astride his bent ones, lifting off his feet a little to reduce contact (and further embarrassment). She made a production of wiping sweat from her face, fanning herself with her hand to imply that she was feeling hot.

"It's warm in here, huh? I can't believe you're even doing sit-ups, and to think we just had a _sho-wer_," her voice faltering at the last word, vivid images of said shower (not to mention their explosive early morning and kitchen trysts) flooding her brain, raising her already boiling temperature.

She squealed as she felt herself tilt forward, her arms flailing in the air in surprise as she was lifted off the floor.

He broke her downward fall by bracing his hands on her torso, his palms warm and firm against the sides of her breasts. He let her slide along the length of his legs as he stretched them out straight in the air, catching her against his chest, their faces a couple of inches apart when she landed.

"You are _so_ lusting after me," he drawled, his eyes twinkling with humor and desire as he pressed his lips to hers, flipping them over so she lay beneath him on the floor.

_Fine, I am lusting after him_, she admitted to herself, winding her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

_

* * *

Three hours till my download completes, but I did follow the play-by-play live chat in the forum boards. Sigh. All I can say is … glad there's fanfiction!_

_Jany1988_ --- glad to hear that you did well on your first test. Took note of your other test days, will include you again in my prayers. i'm sure you'll do great.

_Murgy31_ --- begin writing it already. I'm excited to read it.

_AuburnH, Petra79_ --- been in food fights myself, but only with my brothers. I envy you! LOL. yeah, how great would that be if it were Alex, huh?

_AuburnH_ --- thanks again for supplying me with the details of your frat party.

_Ciaobella06_ --- I'm just getting so depressed with the show at the moment, so I write what I want to see on the show. How I miss seasons 1 & 2.

_Sara/lexi/kate_ --- LMAO! You really, really crack me up. I love you back! will work on Callie, I promise.

_LaFilmeM, Greys-Angeles, Lennie1984, Cabot007_ & _**abovementioned**_ --- can't thank you enough for your constant reviewing, and I truly appreciate the validation. in fact, when I'm having a terrible day, I just read all your reviews, and the day just gets brighter. Seriously. So, thanks.

_xxDark-Elfxx_ --- hey, thanks for the review you left. really pleased that you liked it. will have to watch all episodes again to study all the characters, hoping I do them all justice. makes me nervous thinking about that scene. LOL. btw, I'm ship addex too, but she's off to LA. sigh.

_Once again, thank you, thank you for your reviews and for your continued reading._

_**Edit: hey, I just read shonda's blog! She said something like alex is the mirror of mer. dare I hope that she'd bring them together next season?! they're single again, so game on! LOL. left a comment, too, about getting them together. couldn't help myself! LOL.**_

**_051707_**


	13. Chapter 13

_I want to thank you for allowing me to indulge in some naughty MerAlex fun these last two chapters, in effect putting the story on hold. Finally moving on with the story ..._

* * *

"Meredith!"

"Oh crap!" The startled cry was muffled by the thick wood.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Go away, Alex … please! Just go away," she pleaded.

"Mer, three more to break the record, and we only have 8 hours left. Come out of the linen closet now," came the teasing order through the door.

She leaned her head against the shelf and looked at the ceiling of her clearly unsuccessful choice of sanctuary. _There's gotta be a less obvious place to hide in this house that he knows nothing about, _she mused, breaking into a disbelieving giggle.

She came in here twenty minutes ago after she saw the mischievous glint in his eye as she looked up from the magazine she was perusing across him in the living room where he was watching a movie. Panicked by that evil gleam, she jumped out of her chair with the excuse of needing to use the toilet, and then made a dash to refuge as he drawled, '_we've gotta start on number five soon_.'

Not that she was complaining about the sex, because well, the sex was amazing. _Mind-blowing._ But still, three times in four hours! That's already a record right there! This was getting ridiculous … it's going to be the death of me. _Oh but what a way to go,_ the voice of twisted-dirty-mistress-turned-adulterous-whore-Meredith exclaimed.

Stifling the gurgle of laughter at her warped thoughts, she opened the door a crack to glare at him, noting his smirk and eager stance.

"Fine," she said with a snort, opening the door wider to walk out, "But we're abstaining from sex for a week!"

Licking his lips and rubbing his hands, he followed her to the bedroom.

_X --- T minus 6 hours and 2 more to break the record --- X_

"Where did you hide this time? Looked everywhere for you," he greeted as she sat beside him on the couch.

"Ha, no way I'm telling you," she snorted, curling her legs under. "What's for dinner?"

"Chicken … it'll be here in 38 minutes," he replied, checking his watch, and then turned the page of the blue book on his lap.

"What's that," she asked as she peered over his shoulder.

"I found one of your albums, and I was just looking at some pics of you as a child."

She made a face, pulling away from him as she slouched lower onto the couch.

"Mer, there aren't many after the page marked '6 years old'," he voiced his observation.

"Yeah, well, pictures are supposed to capture and preserve happy memories," she answered with a shrug, a slight hitch in her voice.

His head snapped to her at the indifference in her tone, noting her pained expression, instantly regretting his unintentional inducement of wariness. _Idiot!_

"Mer," he said softly, slowly closing the album before setting it aside, and then shifted his body to face her.

"I don't want to talk about it, Alex," she said dispassionately, closing her eyes and clasping her hands on her stomach.

"You can talk to me, Meredith," he countered, reaching out to run his hand to stroke the top of her head.

His chest tightened at the instinctual shudder that racked her body as soon as he touched her, recognizing her withdrawal. The rejection stung, he must admit, realizing that he wanted a more intimate relationship with her beyond that of the physical, and it suddenly became imperative that she did, too.

"Mer …"

"There's really nothing to talk about, Alex. So, she died and I won't see her again … but really, it isn't much different from when I was growing up … so, there's really nothing to talk about …," she trailed off as a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.

She took a few deep breaths, wiped at her cheek and opened her eyes to Alex' sympathetic look. She stared back at him for a moment longer, and then forced a smile as she abruptly moved to rise.

"C'mon, let's go. We've got a record to break," she effected an unconvincing cheery invitation, grabbing his hand to pull him up, all the while avoiding eye contact.

He resisted her weak attempt, tightening his fingers over hers.

"Mer," he coaxed softly.

"We're having sex, Alex, let's go" her voice quivering as she fought back the tears.

He tugged on her hand, releasing it as her body involuntarily drew nearer, snaking an arm around her waist to pull her onto his lap, the right side of her body pressed against him.

She held herself rigid and resistant as he wrapped both arms around her, succumbing to tears when she felt the brush of his lips against her temple. Letting go of the last shred of control she had over her emotions, she sagged against his chest and buried her face in his neck, her hands limp on her lap, accepting the comfort he offered. Grateful for his silence, she welcomed his soft caresses, giving in to the need to cry.

Her silent weeping, broken only by the occasional sniffing, had subsided to constrained breathing and sighing when the food arrived twenty minutes later.

Wiping the last tear from her face, she slowly sat up to face him, smiling weakly.

"Thank you," she whispered sincerely, her eyes finally meeting his warm brown ones.

"You're welcome," he whispered, softly pressing his lips to hers for a few seconds before they both stood to answer the door.

_X --- 11:30 pm --- X_

"Mer," he said, slipping under the covers beside her.

Lying on her stomach, she groaned exaggeratedly, and then came out from under the pillow she pulled over her head the instant she heard his footsteps on the stairs. Her arms forming a right angle to raise her upper body from the bed, she glared down at him.

"Enough! No more sex … I give up," she growled, making big eyes at him as he stared back with a smirk.

"That's okay," he chuckled smugly, putting his hands behind his head on the pillow. "We already broke the record, so you're safe for the rest of the evening."

"That's not the only record I broke today," she mumbled, collapsing on the bed in relief, her face turned to him.

"What other record did you break," he asked curiously.

"Number of showers I had in a day," she giggled, thinking of the shower they had just an hour ago --- the one where the record-breaking _deed_ occurred --- the 4th one she had today.

He joined in her laughter.

"Well, they were all necessary. First, we had to wash off the whipped cream. The next one was because of our afternoon '_workout'_. And of course the last one was … well, we couldn't go to bed all sweaty now, could we," he defended humorously, his eyes gleaming with memories of the activity that precipitated the last shower.

"Shut up. Just so you know, I'm spending my next day off alone!"

"Admit it. You thoroughly enjoyed it," he cajoled, shifting to his side to face her.

She rolled her eyes at him before closing them, but she offered her admission by grinning widely at him.

"Izzie left a message that she wasn't coming home tonight," he said after a while, still watching her. "No need to sneak out of your room in the morning."

She opened her eyes to see him watching her, and she flashed a smile back at him. He leaned in to plant a goodnight kiss on her forehead, evidence of his 'promise' to let her finally rest, and then smirked at her before closing his eyes. She acknowledged his action with a giggle, shifting to lie on her side as she studied him.

His last comment played in her mind. She recalled the time George had cornered her at the kitchen last night, confronting her about the panties. Luckily, while she was stammering her ridiculous explanation, Izzie had walked in, and she had managed yet again to evade George's curiosity. However, she knew that they would have to admit it (this-relationship-that-wasn't-officially-a-relationship) eventually, which means they had to figure out what this was --- and soon.

"Alex," she said softly, causing him to open his eyes inquiringly.

"Do you think this … us … what we're doing … I mean, the two of us … do you think it's weird?"

_

* * *

You know what was difficult about writing this chapter? Doing the maths! LOL. Seriously! I even had a little notebook beside me to keep tally of the 'facts'. Really, I did._

_Jany1988_ --- thank you for always leaving a comment, even short ones. I really appreciate it, especially since you're busy with your abitur.

_MeredithandDerekfanforever_ --- thanks for reading this meralex story, especially since you ship merder and lexzie. Hope you liked it.

_AuburnH_ --- LOL. glad you liked it. read your story, and I don't mind shameless self-promotion at all --- in fact … _hey everyone, check out 'FRIENDS FIRST' by AuburnH! _hurry and update already.

_Murgy31_ --- yay! can't wait to read it.

_xxDark-Elfxx_ --- me too, me too! my heart skipped a beat when I read that. Oh, it's gonna be a really long wait till September!

_Lennie1984_ --- boy, I hope it is indeed a hint, because well, I'm already in love with meralex! LOL.

_Sara/lexie/kate_ --- I know what you mean about mermark. That would be interesting to see too. As for the hinted nasty-nasty, I'm afraid that's all you're gonna get until you give those lessons I asked from you. LOL.

_LaFilmeM_ --- i'd be fine with the meeting of the dirty mistresses club too, if shonda does decide to go that way. Hehe. Imagine how steamy that's gonna be.

_Cabot007_ --- thank you for making my weekend. Really, that was one of the sweetest compliments I've ever received, and I truly appreciate it. tear

_Thank you for reading, and again, my heartfelt gratitude to those who constantly leave reviews._

_051907_


	14. Chapter 14

"Do you think this … us … what we're doing … I mean, the two of us … do you think it's weird?"

The teasing _so-who's-the-one-who-wants-sex-now_ look on his face turned into a scowl.

She worried about that scowl. She hadn't seen that menacing brooding expression on his face in a while, and she felt awful for putting it there now, especially after the emotional and physical intimacy they've shared today. She raised her hand to trace his eyebrows, as if trying to erase the harsh frown that hardened his earlier playful disposition.

She flashed him a nervous smile as her hand settled on his neck, her thumb rubbing against his jaw. Her affectionate gesture had softened his severe expression a little.

Taking a calming breath, he started to speak.

"What do you mean '_weird'_," he asked for clarification, the mild sarcasm betraying his annoyance with her unexpected question.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to make it sound that way. Forget what I said. Go to sleep," she said in a rush, flustered by his response.

She turned to lie flat on her back, an attempt to discontinue the damaging path the conversation was taking.

"You have to stop doing that," he said exasperatedly, the annoyance now more evident.

"What," she asked nervously, still facing the ceiling.

"Pulling away from me. Now, tell me what you meant."

Her head turned to him at his firm tone, and he didn't bother to mask his frustration this time. She took a deep breath.

"It's just that … well … Izzie said it when she caught us in bed a few days ago … and …," she trailed off.

"And Yang said the same thing yesterday," he finished for her inquiringly.

She hesitated briefly, and her silence seemed to confirm his suspicions. He tried to dispel the rising anger he felt, knowing he needed to remain levelheaded to keep the conversation going. Knowing her, the self-proclaimed avoider that she was, she'd most likely run from it if she felt the least bit threatened. And he really wanted to have this discussion; he felt they needed to have this conversation.

Though they've already taken the first steps in defining this 'relationship', he felt that there were still a lot of issues they weren't able to address. They were having sex, yes, and she's been receptive to his affectionate advances, initiating her own caresses too in fact, _but there's something holding them back_, he thought. It wasn't awkwardness, nor was it the inability to express affection. It was really more of the hesitancy on both their parts to establish an emotional intimacy relationships are built on.

_I want to be with you_, he recalled what she had said last night, and he believed her, he did. But no matter how hard he tried to rid himself of his insecurities, he couldn't shake the feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy. And her question only added fuel to his doubt.

"You? Do you think that this is weird," he asked, his voice even so as not to put her on the defensive.

She turned on her side again, maintaining eye contact with him.

"When we slept together that night, I told you it didn't freak me out, because it really didn't. I just knew it wasn't a mistake. But when Izzie said it … it bothered me a little … then George suspected, and I didn't know what to say … and yes, Cristina did say that too," she admitted.

She scooted closer to him, inserting her left leg in between his, needing some sort of physical connection with him, something to keep her from running away.

"It's just that … there's still all this uncertainty … yeah, we agreed to make a go of it … we changed the rules and all, but … I don't know what this is … what we are … is it just sex, or …"

He silenced her rambling with his lips, keeping a tight rein on his desire. He didn't want her thinking it was just sex … that this thing they had was limited to a physical relationship. He gently pulled his mouth away from hers, the space he created between their faces still enabling him to feel her breath on his skin. They stared at each other for a few moments, and then he broke the silence.

"I want more," he whispered, the corner of his mouth curling at the amused gleam she had in her eyes. _Damn._

"I'm not talking about sex … I mean I do want more sex, don't get me wrong … because, well, the sex is fantastic, so of course I want more sex … but what I meant was …" his stammering explanation was interrupted by her mounting giggling.

He chuckled along with her, grateful for the breather. The last thing he wanted was for them to be anxious about their relationship. He traced her smiling mouth with his thumb.

"What I meant to say was that I want more out of this thing than just sex and friendship."

He gave her a few seconds to process what he just said. Encouraged that she hadn't started hyperventilating as he feared she would, he continued.

"Hanging out and having fun … it's all good … but I don't want to be just a guy you drink with, and rant to, and have sex with … I want more."

"How much more," she asked quietly.

He noted the anxiety in her voice. He reached out to rub her arm, the light caress a subtle tactic to prevent her from withdrawing.

"I want to be involved … in your life … no pulling away from me … no shutting me out. I want to be involved," he said, memories of her earlier rejection coming to surface again.

"It's not easy, Alex ... what you're asking … it isn't easy," she sighed.

"I know," he agreed understandingly.

_He does know_, she reflected as she watched him watching her. He, of all people, would know. She met his steady warm brown gaze, gathering her thoughts to voice the question that had her perplexed since he held her on the couch earlier this evening. She wanted to run then, to avoid letting him get too close, but he wouldn't let her.

"Why aren't you freaking out," she asked softly. "Why aren't you running away?"

"Because I want to be with you, too."

She slowly nodded her head, her mouth breaking into a tender smile and her eyes shone with unshed tears. She whispered, '_I'm glad_', and then leaned her forehead on his.

He shifted to lie on his back, his arms snaking around her body to pull her with him. She settled against his shoulder, her arm draped across his stomach. Her hand on his waist tightened as she felt his lips on her hair, and she snuggled closer to his warmth.

_

* * *

_

_Okay, I intentionally ended this chapter abruptly to give myself options for the next chapter. I'm still deciding whether to continue the conversation so that they could discuss going public or proceed to the next day. I don't want to back myself into another corner, so …_

really glad you like it. thanks for the review. 

_Jany1988 --- _how was your test yesterday? I don't know the time difference, so I said a short prayer every 2 hours to be sure. Waiting on that mclabel for alex … might be able to use it for the story. Thank you for saying those things in your review.

_Petra79 --- _hey, you gave me my 100th review. Yay! I was so depressed about this season, and in frustration, I said I wasn't going to be as obsessed anymore next season. But now that they are all single again, looks like I'll be eating my words. Imagine all the possibilities. LOL.

_Greys-Angeles & AuburnH --- _of course they broke the record. He's alex and she's mer … wouldn't have it any other way. LOL.

_Personifiedx --- _yeah, there really is something about alex that holds great appeal, huh? maybe it's because there's still so much we don't know about him. Thanks for the reviews you left for both stories, and I hope you continue to enjoy this.

_Lennie1984 --- _yeah, you're right. But if they do sleep together (even if it were a drunken mistake), I feel that it wouldn't be some dramatic the-friendship-is-ruined thing as was the case with george. What do you think? Oh yeah, thanks for the review.

_Rachey33 --- _hey, welcome to the story. That was so nice of you to stay up that late to read it. I truly appreciate it and the comments you said in your review. Here's hoping you continue to enjoy this story.

_JenniferL --- _hey there. I missed you. Yes, more sweetness coming up (even if it kills them LOL), now that they're a little more concrete.

_xxDark-Elfxx --- _you think? _("but after re-reading what Shonda wrote, I wonder if she's been planning meralex for a while...") _I hope you're right, but have to admit that I'm still a huge merder fan, so now I'm just terribly confused! LOL. oh yeah, hope the conversation wasn't a disappointment.

_LaFilmeM --- _thank you. I needed to put it in there, amid all the sex, to lead up to this conversation.

_Cabot007 --- _that was really sweet of you to PM me your review. I want to thank you again for the things you said. hope the meralex conversation met your expectations. Btw, were you able to find that site on LJ? Thanks again.

_Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and the story in general. Would appreciate both positive and negative comments, really I would. Again, thanks for reading!_

_052207_


	15. Chapter 15

She padded into the kitchen half-asleep, a hand on her mouth to cover her yawn. She combed her fingers through her hair to remove the knots as she made her way to the coffeemaker. Hitting the 'on' switch, she acknowledged Izzie's wisdom in insisting that they prepare the machine every night as part of their routine before going to bed. She then walked to the pantry and grabbed all three boxes on the shelf, her muddled mind refusing to make any decisions till it's had its daily dose of caffeine.

She set the boxes on the table and made her way to the cupboard to collect 2 sets of bowls and glasses, stopping at the fridge to get the milk and juice before moving back to the table. The aroma of the coffee brewing wasn't enough to drive away the drowsiness, so she sank into the chair closest to the door, and leaned forward to lay her arms and head on the table, hypnotized by the drip, drip, hiss of the coffeemaker.

That's how he found her when he walked into the kitchen five minutes later, her folded arms pillowing the right side of her head. It wasn't until he stood directly behind her seat that he realized she had fallen asleep. He smiled as he noticed the bowl, spoon and glass neatly arranged on the placemat adjacent to hers, taking note also of the cereal boxes, milk and juice cartons spread out in the middle of the table.

He reached out to run his hand on her head before moving to the counter. He collected two mugs from the hanging cabinet and filled them with coffee before making his way back to her. Setting his own cup down on the table, he crouched down in front of her, laid his free hand on the top of her head and leaned in to kiss the corner of her eye.

"Mer," he whispered, his face close to hers, "Meredith."

She opened her eyes slowly, and flashed him a tired but tender smile.

"Coffee's done," he said, pulling away from her as he showed her the mug he was holding.

She slowly straightened, throwing him a grateful smile as she took the mug from him. She wiped a hand over her face as she leaned against the backrest. She took a sip of coffee, her eyes warm as she watched him watching her, his elbows on the table and on her chair, making contact with her shoulder.

"Made you breakfast," she said, gesturing with her mug to draw attention to the table.

"Yeah, I noticed," he replied smilingly, kissing her on the head as he straightened from his crouching position, and then took the seat adjacent to hers. "You didn't have to, you know."

"Just say 'thank you', Alex," she said, her eyes crinkling at him, setting her mug down at the table.

"'_Thank you, Alex'_," he teased. "I appreciate it, Mer, I do, but you really don't have to do this," he reiterated as he poured cereal into his bowl, while she reached for the milk.

"I know, but I figured, if I made you breakfast, I wouldn't be expected to cook you lunch or dinner," she replied laughingly, tilting the milk carton over his bowl before setting it down again. "Let it not be said that your girlfriend doesn't prepare your meals."

_You are not in high school_, he reminded himself as the hand holding the spoon with cereals midway to his mouth started to shake at the word _girlfriend_.

He threw her a quick nervous smile before shoving the spoon into his mouth, watching her as she took another sip of her coffee. She stifled another yawn as she set the mug back down on the table, then slouched against her seat, stretching her legs under the table.

"I told you not to get up yet. You could have stayed in bed another half hour," he said through a mouthful of cereals.

"Then you shouldn't have gotten out of bed so early. Why did you wake up anyway? Don't tell me it's my snoring," she threatened.

He laughed at her indignant tone.

"I just got used to sneaking out of your room before Izzie woke, and I forgot she wasn't home," he shrugged, scooping more cereal into his mouth.

"You don't have to sneak out of my bed anymore, you know," she said softly, a little hesitantly, reaching for her mug as she waited for his reaction.

His heart started beating erratically at her pronouncement. He wanted nothing more than to be able to bring their relationship out in the open, but a part of him was still apprehensive about how people would react to them as a couple. That night in the kitchen, before the others arrived, she was right when she guessed that he was worried about what their friends would tell her about him. After all, he was Evil Spawn.

He just wanted a fighting chance to make this thing work, for her to discover for herself what she felt about him, without any interference from the others. He didn't want to risk the unproven strength of their newly defined relationship just yet.

_But her willingness to go public about them must surely be a step in the right direction_, he thought.

"You ready to tell people that we're seeing each other," he asked.

"Well, I'm not talking about an announcement over the PA system or a memo on the bulletin board, if that's what you're asking," she teased, which caused him to chuckle.

She leaned an elbow on the table and palmed her face as she stared back at him, her other hand fidgeting with her mug.

"So, how do we do this? Do I stand on the table in the middle of the cafeteria and make the announcement," he asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Well, not quite like that," she gasped. "And I'm also not saying that you blurt it out to everyone you bump into," she warned.

"During your maid-of-honor speech at Yang's wedding?"

"Oh, God, no!"

"Well, you're the one who used the term announcement," he reminded with a smirk.

"Okay, maybe _announce_ is the wrong word. I'm just saying that we shouldn't hide it anymore. If they ask, we tell them," she said with a shrug, draining the last of her coffee.

She stood up, gesturing her intention to refill her cup. At her movement, he pushed his chair away from the table.

"No more sneaking around," he asked, snaking a hand around her wrist to pull her down on his lap.

"No more sneaking around," she confirmed, smiling back at him.

She wound her arms around his neck.

"But that doesn't mean I'll let you hold my hand or hug me or kiss me in public … because, well, I really don't do that," she added adamantly, as adamantly as she could through her giggling. "And NO-MORE-TEDDYBEARS," she stressed each word with a poke on his chest.

_

* * *

_

_More baby steps towards a concrete relationship. Sorry it isn't longer. _

_Murgy31_ --- thanks. btw, I already put you in my author alerts so I can read your story as soon as you put it up.

_Jany1988_ --- as i mentioned before, I live in the Philippines --- I'm 6 hours ahead of you. Good luck on your test today, but I'm sure you'll do really well on it.

_Carsonfiles_ --- I really appreciate you reading this story, especially since you're not wild about meralex, and it's awfully nice of you to leave reviews. thank you.

_JenniferL, AuburnH, LaFilmeM, Cabot007_ --- wow, you were being very tolerant of the previous naughty meralex chapters, huh? LOL. You know, to be honest, I was actually worried that the story was going too fast in terms of the timeline, coz it's only been like 10 days I think, but based on your reviews, I guess that doesn't matter. okay, less fluff, more 'meat' (as AuburnH put it). And I want to thank you for easing my mind about that chapter, because as I said before, writing conversations are really difficult and they make me nervous, so thanks for that.

_I took the Blond Chick Down to_ --- hey there. Thanks for the things you wrote, and I'm most pleased that you have been following the story since CC. leading up to the 'outing' already, maybe not in the next 2 or 3 chapters, but it will get there. Again, thanks for the review.

_Jany1988, Murgy31, Lennie1984, personifiedx, Brandy, Bitb21_ --- to quote Bitb21, "They get each other. there isn't any of the crap like with mc dreamy... its simple." i think that's why it's so much easier for me to write meralex, because of how alike they are and how simple it is between them. And if shonda doesn't make them a couple on the show, I'd be more than happy just to see them develop a deeper friendship in the next season.

_Lennie1984_ --- working on it

_Please continue reviewing (tell me if I'm going too fast or too slow) because I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks for your constant reviews and continued reading!_

_052307_


	16. Chapter 16

She gently pulled away from the less-than-enthusiastic kiss, the length of her arms the only distance between them. A smile crept along her face as she noted his edginess.

"You look nervous … and worried … but mostly nervous," she said teasingly, unclasping her hands from his nape to place them on his tense shoulders.

"What … no, of course not … I'm not nervous … why would I be," he stammered, fidgeting restlessly under her.

She pushed down on his shoulders to stand up, resettling on his lap astride him for a more comfortable position.

"It's okay," she soothed with a smile.

He took a deep breath, his hands on her hips tightening in apology.

"It's not that I don't want to tell people …,"

"I know," she interrupted softly.

"It's just that …"

"I know," she repeated, grasping his head with both hands to get him to meet her gaze, her eyes warm with sympathy and amusement.

"Mer …," he made another attempt.

"It's okay, Alex," she assured him again. "Listen, we don't have to tell them yet if you're not comfortable. I told you that it doesn't have to be an announcement. All I'm saying is that I don't want you to feel that you have to sneak out of my bed every morning, that's all," she shrugged, her hands slowly sliding down to his collarbone.

He gave her a quick smile as he pondered on what she had just said.

"Why don't we do this? We'll start with Izzie … since she's the reason you sneak out of bed anyway … and then we go from there, okay," she suggested, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Okay," he agreed softly after a few seconds, releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Okay then … I'll tell her tonight," she said, pressing closer to him to plant a kiss on his lips. "Now, go and take a shower while I clear the table."

She realized her tactical mistake a little too late when she felt his arms going around her waist, pulling her closer against his body. She acknowledged the not-so-subtle bulge against the junction of her legs with a chortle. She threw him an amused glance as she read the intent in his mischievous stare, the corner of his mouth curling in a wicked grin.

"Uh-uh, not gonna happen," she snorted, quickly disentangling herself from him. "You're taking that shower alone," she said through her giggling, successfully managing to escape his attempts to imprison her.

"You sure? It would save us a whole lot of time if we shower together," he cajoled laughingly.

"Ha! It's gonna take longer if we do … now go," she berated, making big eyes at him, but her bemused smile betrayed her reaction to the image a joint shower created.

Her arousal didn't go unnoticed by Alex, and he stood up to stand in front of her, chuckling as she defensively leaned away to avoid upper body contact.

"Too bad," he drawled, the glimmer in his eyes telling her he knew of her arousal, and stole a kiss before he walked towards the door.

His taunting laughter wafted back as he left the kitchen, her tickled giggling echoing his amusement. She shook her head to clear the naughty thoughts he implanted, and turned to the table to collect her mug and his empty bowl.

She placed the used bowl in the sink and made her way to the coffeemaker for a refill. She was taking a sip of her coffee, strategizing her 'moment of truth confession' to Izzie, when said blonde entered the kitchen, causing her to jump nervously.

"Hey," Izzie greeted, her normally perky disposition somewhat lacking in perkiness this morning, as she made her way to Meredith.

"Hey," she greeted back, a little breathlessly, straightening from the counter as she fidgeted with her mug.

Izzie collected a mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee, oblivious to her friend's nervous glances.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Meredith voiced her observation.

"Yeah," Izzie answered distractedly.

"What have you been up to, Iz?"

"Uhm, nothing much," she said evasively. "Hey, have you guys had breakfast … coz I can whip something up for you and Alex … I have the day off so I can cook something, anything …," she said in a rush, moving towards the fridge.

"Alex already had some cereal."

"I'll make some pancakes. Cereals will not get Alex through lunch … he needs something heavier," the blonde rambled on, quickly grabbing the batter she kept stored in the fridge and proceeded to collect the other things she needed for cooking.

Meredith watched Izzie's frenzied movements as she poured batter onto the skillet, trying to muster enough courage to begin her 'announcement'. She cleared her throat in preparation, but was interrupted by Izzie's contrived chatter.

"So, what have you and Alex been doing here … I'm sorry for leaving you alone with him … has he made a pass at you yet … oh, wait, he mentioned before, you know, when I freaked out that he was moving in, that he was interested in someone else, and I strongly suspect it's Ava," she prattled, pausing only to get some air.

"Uhm, actually, Iz," Meredith managed to say, but was unable to say anything more when Izzie started talking again.

"You know, it would have been so much simpler if I had just stayed with Alex …," she continued her monologue, waving the spatula in the air, "then I wouldn't be this sad, broken woman whose fiancé died … and who's now stupid enough to get involved with an inappropriate man," finally losing steam as she mumbled the last part of her speech.

"Are you okay, Iz," she inquired with concern.

"Yeah, of course I'm okay," she answered a little too quickly.

"What did you just say about an inappropriate man," she asked, immensely curious as to the identity of the man keeping her away from home.

"Uhm, nothing," she said flustered. Transferring the pancakes to a plate, she used them to distract Meredith, saying, "Pancakes are done. Here, would you put these on the table while I put a load in the washing machine," she requested.

Meredith took the plate from her absentmindedly as she watched Izzie moving about. _What the hell is going on? And more importantly, how the hell am I going to tell her now?_ She straightened from the counter when she heard heavy footsteps on the stairs, breaking into a panicked dash towards the kitchen door, slowing down only to deposit the plate of pancakes on the table.

She intercepted Alex, who was on his way to kitchen, and pulled him into the living room, causing him to stare at her inquiringly.

"Izzie's home," she blurted out.

"Good, so you told her already," he asked with a relieved grin, snaking his arms around her waist.

She swatted at his arms, nervously sticking her head past the doorframe to check on Izzie's whereabouts.

"No, I didn't get a chance to tell her yet," she hissed.

"Why not? I thought you said …"

"I was going to, but she started rambling about you and Denny and someone else," she defended. "I wonder who she's seeing."

"Wait. What? What did she say about me," he asked in alarm.

"Something about how simpler it would have been if she were still with you," she answered, still on the look out for Izzie.

"What?! Mer," he protested, pulling her to him, "Mer, that was a long time ago. I don't feel that way ..."

"I know that, Alex," she answered softly, "and she knows that, too. But it doesn't change the fact that you were involved with her before. So, _you_ should tell her."

"But you said you'd tell her," he retorted, mollified that she knew he no longer had feelings for their other roommate.

"Well … I already told Cristina, so it's your turn," she reasoned.

"That doesn't count, and you know it."

"Okay, you tell Izzie and I'll tell George. Fair enough?"

They both jumped as they heard Izzie calling out Meredith's name.

"Uhm, I have to take a shower," she called back, a hitch in her voice. "But Alex, I'm sure, will have some of your pancakes."

She turned back to Alex, making big eyes at him as she pursed her lips.

"I'm going to take that shower now," she whispered, swatting at the hand that was holding her wrist hostage.

"Meredith," he growled.

"Go, go, go … you can do this. I have faith in you," she cajoled, checking to see if the coast was clear, and then tugged on his arm to pull her with him as she left the living room.

Risking a fleeting kiss, she flashed him an encouraging smile, pushing him towards the direction of the kitchen before making her escape up the stairs.

She was thinking about him all through her shower, and not in a naughty naughty way. She was actually worried about how he was faring with his own attempt at telling Izzie, wondering and hoping that he had succeeded.

Though Izzie was already ensconced in her room by the time they were ready to leave, they boarded her car in silence, with him taking the driver's seat.

They barely made it out of the driveway when she blurted out her impatient question.

"Well?"

His sheepish glance indicated that he had failed in his mission as well, and they both burst out laughing.

"Guess this means it's your turn again," he said with humor, covering the hand that she placed on his lap.

_

* * *

__This is not, by any means, me taking back those 'baby steps'. I am merely setting the stage for the impending 'outing', so I need to put several scenes that would lead up to the discovery. Please, please bear with me, okay? Thanks._

_Quick question … by any chance, do you guys happen to know if Alex has a car? I don't recall ever seeing him driving to work. Idiotic question, I know, but writing this chapter made me wonder. I'm assuming he knows how to drive. LOL._

_As for Izzie, I have always thought that she and George would make a great couple, but I absolutely dislike the way the writers brought them together on the show. If it were under different circumstances, then I would have been extremely happy about this pairing. This said, gizzie didn't happen in this story._

_Really quick replies to your reviews, coz my daughter is hovering over me as she waits for her turn at the computer …_

_Murgy31, Jany1988, JenniferL, personifiedx, Brandy, LaFilmeM, Rachey33, ITooktheBlond…, Cabot007, Lennie1984_ --- thank you for making me feel better about the previous chapter; was really kinda anxious about it. and I appreciate all your encouragement and validation, I really do.

_Jany1988_ --- so, how did you do? One more test, and you're done, right?

_Murgy31_ --- can't wait till you finish it. hurry, k?

_Petra79_ --- thanks for posting the links to these stories, and of course I don't mind. That was actually sweet of you. I didn't see the site address, though, coz it didn't come out in your review. Thanks again, as well as for the comments you left.

_Sweatdrop/Laila_ --- hey there, welcome to the story. Thank you for taking time to read it and for leaving a review.

_As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. I truly appreciate it!_

_052607_


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith was bent over a chart at the nurses' station, writing notes about the patient she had examined during pre-rounds. Bailey was in an emergency surgery and had left instructions for them to do post-op till she got out of the OR. She closed the chart and was flipping open the next one when she noticed Nurse Tyler looking at her from behind the counter. She flashed him a smile and returned to her charting.

She had just scribbled a few lines when she felt an arm brush against her, reflexively withdrawing from such proximity. Her eyebrows furrowed at Tyler, whose folded arms were leaning on the counter, his mouth curved into a coaxing smile. She raised one eyebrow in question, moving a foot away as she shifted to face him, her right elbow on the counter.

"We're sort of friends, right," the male nurse began, and at the further creasing of her forehead, he continued in a rush, "I mean, we're on friendly terms in the hospital and at Joe's … and … and … hey, I passed on that message from Joe about McSteamy showing up at the bar."

_It was actually McDreamy, but that's beside the point._ More confused than ever at where he was going with this conversation, she smiled at him bemusedly and placed her free hand on her hip.

"I'm just saying …"

"Tyler," she prodded.

"Alex Karev moved into your house, right," Tyler asked, effectively wiping the smile off of her face.

"Yes," she answered warily.

"Do you know who he's seeing now?"

"What? Why do you want to know," she asked slowly, trying to control the quiver in her voice so as not to betray her nervousness.

"Coz one of the nurses heard some naughty moaning and giggling coming from the supply closet the other day, and another one said that she saw Alex walking out of it ten minutes later. But she had to answer a code before she could find out who was with him in the closet."

"She didn't see who it was," she asked softly, expelling her breath in relief.

"No, she didn't," Tyler confirmed, failing to catch her reaction. "That's why I'm asking you."

"Tyler, I don't see why you need to know who Dr. Karev was with in that closet," she replied, turning back to the counter as she fidgeted with her charts.

"Because the nurses have a bet on the mystery woman with him … two weeks ago, he was spotted in another closet with Dr. Montgomery, but she's in L.A. now so it obviously wasn't her … so we …,"

"Wait, you have a bet on Alex," she interrupted aghast.

"No, not on Karev, but on the mystery woman," he corrected. "So, do you know who it is, coz the one who guesses it right gets $175. I was hoping you could help me out."

Flashing him a forced smile, she gathered her charts to prepare to leave.

"Uhm, first of all, that's cheating," she scolded smilingly, wagging her finger. "Second, can't help you there. Good luck, though," she said with an apologetic shrug, quickly making her escape.

_Oh, God, Alex, I'm gonna kill you!_

_X --------------- Two hours later --------------- X_

"Why did your panties fall from Alex' locker," George whispered the question, walking beside Meredith.

"George," she hissed, making big eyes at him, motioning to the woman walking ahead of them. "Now is not the time to talk about that."

"No," he replied in an equally low voice, tugging on the sleeve of her lab coat to get her to stop walking. "You have managed to avoid answering me the last two times I asked. Now, tell me why your underwear was in Alex' locker."

She nervously scanned the people milling about, worried about them eavesdropping on their conversation. Fortunately, only a couple on their way to a relative's room was within hearing distance. Through gritted teeth, she made her plea to postpone the discussion.

"Dr. Bailey …"

"Wants to know the answer to O'Malley's question," came the resounding retort, causing them both to jump in attention.

The two interns cowered at the Nazi's intimidating stance, her hand on her hip, her lips pursed in annoyance, her eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Well," Bailey said, "aren't you going to answer his question?"

"I … uh … uhm," she stammered, a blush creeping along her neck and face.

"Tell me, Grey, why do you have such difficulty hanging on to your underwear? Uh-hmm," she said at the horrified look on Meredith's face as understanding dawned on her, "I know that those were your panties on the bulletin board. When are you gonna finally realize that I know everything that goes on in this hospital?"

The satisfied smirk on their boss's face made George remorseful about asking the question and rendered Meredith more mortified than ever.

"So, Grey, would you care to explain why Karev had possession of your damn underwear?"

"Uhm, I played a practical joke on him, Dr. Bailey, and he retaliated … but it's over now … and I didn't expect it to get out of control … and I swear it's not what you're thinking … they weren't really my panties … I bought them for the prank … I mean …," she trailed off, biting down on her lower lip to prevent further incrimination.

Meredith braced herself for the lecture she was sure to receive, knowing the intelligent woman had come to her own conclusions, and she instinctively grabbed hold of George's hand. _Crap! This is not how I intended for George to find out._ When a few seconds passed without a word from her boss, she raised her gaze from the floor to see Bailey eyeing her contemplatively.

Not bothering to mask her amusement at the blond intern's discomfort, Bailey stared at her a moment longer.

"This better be the last I hear about your underwear, Grey," she warned, turning to resume walking.

Briefly stunned that Bailey didn't make the connection between Alex and her, she stared at the retreating back incredulously, only moving forward when George pulled her along.

"As I said, they weren't really mine," she reasoned as she followed in her boss's wake, her protest faltering when the shorter woman turned her head to glare at her. "Yes, Dr. Bailey," she said meekly.

The two interns failed to see the calculating grin on the Nazi's face as she briskly walked ahead of them. _Good for her. And, most importantly, good for me._ _Hmmm, I wonder what I can buy for Tucker and little Tuck with $175._

_X --------------- Another few hours later --------------- X_

Grateful to escape the company of Dr. Bailey and George as she went to claim their patient's lab results, she walked down the hallway leisurely, attempting to prolong her errand. She had spent the last couple of hours going through a whole range of emotions --- suspicion (because of Bailey's oddly satisfied smirk), guilt (about having withheld the truth from George), paranoia (whenever a nurse looked her way), wariness (at the knowing look on the Nazi's face), and impatience. The latter due to her desperate need to talk to Alex --- not necessarily to kill him though she intended to do some screaming --- so she could warn him about the stupid bet and the conversation with Bailey.

So distracted was she by her thoughts that she yelped in surprise when a hand snaked out from a broom closet and wrapped around her arm.

"What the …," was all she managed to say as she was pulled into the tiny room.

"Alex," she exclaimed, relief replacing her initial shock.

"Expecting someone else," he mumbled against her neck.

"What do you think you're doing," she asked distractedly, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to the sensitive spot behind her ear.

"Giving you your first lesson in hospital closet sex."

"Crap! Stop it, Alex," she whispered, swallowing the moan that almost escaped her lips. "We have to stop this," she said more forcefully, pushing at his chest unsuccessfully.

"What's up, babe?"

"Don't call me 'babe'," she berated, evading his mouth. "Alex," she repeated her protest unconvincingly as the tip of his tongue against her skin caused a torrent of desire to shoot through her body.

"Hmmmm."

"Do you know that the nurses have a bet going about the woman …"

"Yup," he interrupted, shifting to her other ear.

"You do? So why the hell did you pull me in here?"

"That's why I chose a broom closet. Nobody would expect me to come in here."

"Do you find this amusing?"

"Actually, I do."

"Well, I don't, and I definitely don't want to be caught making out in the closet. Those nurses are probably lurking outside," she said adamantly, finally managing to take hold of his head to catch his attention.

"Well, if you weren't so noisy the last time, we wouldn't have been caught," he teased.

"That's beside the point. My point is …"

"I thought you were willing tell people about us," he challenged, his eyes focused on her parted lips.

"I still am, but I don't plan on it being broadcasted simultaneously with the declaration of the bet's winner. So you listen closely. I'm going to calmly walk out of this place," she said, turning to look at the contents of the hanging shelf, "and you will wait five … no make that ten minutes before walking out. Do you hear me?"

Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she grabbed a dirty rag from the shelf and turned to face Alex. He was looking at her with an amused twinkle in his eye, his lips twitching.

"What? I have to have a reason for being in here. Ten minutes, okay," she reminded him, pressing her lips to his for a quick kiss before pulling away from him.

She grasped the doorknob but looked back at him before opening the door. Her gaze was instantly drawn to his tongue making a slow sweep of his lower lip, and she caught the naughty gleam in his gaze.

_Screw it! Some temptations are hard to resist_, she mused, letting go of the knob to grasp the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss.

_

* * *

__Please note that I edited C.C., changing S.F. to L.A. I must have read SanFran in the earlier reports about the spin-off, and I guess it just stuck. Anyway, sorry about that._

_Jany1988, Petra79, Ciaobella06, Brandy, shell36799, cabot007, personifiedx, lennie1984_ --- thank you thank you for your patience and indulgence, and I appreciate the reviews you left about the previous chapter. Truthfully, I was about to delete it already, worried that you wouldn't forgive me for it, so really, thank you.

_I took the blond chick_ _down to_ --- LMAO! Sorry about that, for leading you on and for leaving you crushed, I mean; that wasn't my intention. But you gave me a good laugh with your review and I appreciate it. thank you.

_Petra79_ --- guess what. The site still didn't come out, both in your review and PM. That happened to me several times, too, and I just gave up trying to include websites and email addresses in my posts. Don't worry about it, though, but I do appreciate your effort. Thanks for your confidence and belief in this story, and it was really really really nice and sweet of you to promote it.

_Thanks for reading!_

_052907_


	18. Chapter 18

_Please note that I uploaded four chapters all at once, chapters 17-20. Thank you._

* * *

Alex and Meredith entered the house greeted by the strong smell of disinfectant and pine mingling with the delicious aroma of baked goods. A quick perusal of the neat living room gave them a hint as to what their roommate had been doing during her day off. They followed the banging noises and the blaring music to the kitchen, their suspicions confirmed when they took in the four filled-to-the-brim cookie jars on the center island and the shiny pots and pans lined up on the counter.

From the doorway, it appeared that their roommate was not in the kitchen, until a hand appeared from behind the island, groping for the rag and bottle of liquid cleanser. A few seconds later, a blond head shot up as well.

"Oh, hey you guys," Izzie greeted them cheerfully, quickly standing up from her kneeling position and hit the 'off' switch on the radio. "I made some cookies, and I spent the day cleaning the house."

"Yeah, we noticed," they said in unison, slowly entering the spotless kitchen.

"So, how was your day? What happened in the hospital? Are you guys hungry? Here, Alex, have an oatmeal raisin cookie, or maybe you'd like a slice of chocolate cake," she offered, moving to the fridge to collect said cake.

While Izzie set it on the table, Meredith moved to get the plates and utensils, but stopped disbelievingly by the pantry as she spied its contents.

A succession of beeps pealed from the laundry room, and the overexcited blonde made a dash towards it. "Laundry's done," she announced unnecessarily.

Meredith turned to look at Alex with mouth agape, and he shrugged in return.

"Listen, babe," he began, the endearment earning him a frown from Meredith. "You'll have to count me out of this. As much as I'd like to be supportive and all, my lack of a vagina disqualifies me from your sisterhood."

Alex gave her a fleeting kiss, and then hastily backed out of the kitchen.

Glaring at the cowardly retreating form of Alex, she cursed him silently as she reached for her cell phone.

"Iz," she called out, "I'll just make a quick phone call, k? I'll be right back."

She entered the living room and almost gagged at the overpowering scent of cleanliness.

"Cristina," she hissed into the phone when her friend had finally picked up. "You have to come and help me. There's something wrong with Izzie and I need backup. Alex abandoned me, and I need you to come and bring tons of liquor," she said in a low voice, keeping an eye out for Izzie.

She paused to listen to Cristina's disinterested reply.

"No, she is not lying on the bathroom floor again. This is worse. She spent the whole day cleaning and baking … no, not muffins … no, she's not crying, in fact she's so bubbly and chirpy … yes, I know that she's a perky person, but she's way too … Cristina," she hissed again.

She jumped as she heard movement in the kitchen, and she moved further into the living room.

"You listen to me, Cristina," she continued talking into the phone. "You are coming here whether you like it or not, and I am relying on you to bring our friend, tequila. Wait, make that two bottles." She listened to more protests, then interrupted her friend's whining, "Cristina, she arranged the cereals, biscuits and chips according to sugar content," she exclaimed, finally convincing her friend to give her assent.

Flipping her phone off, she slowly made her way back to the kitchen, fervently praying that Cristina, and the tequila, would arrive soon.

_X ----- Living Room, two and a half hours later, well into the second bottle of tequila ----- X_

"Hey, guess what I found under your bed this afternoon," Izzie slurred laughingly, her drunken state not affecting her perkiness one bit.

Meredith, the least inebriated of the three, turned to Izzie in concern. Cristina and the tequila arrived within thirty minutes, and Izzie jumped at the idea to drink, on the condition that they didn't talk about men. Of course, her forceful insistence to refrain from discussing the men in their lives served to heighten Meredith's curiosity. Cristina, on the other hand, declared that she needed to gripe, and gripe she did almost as soon as they downed their first shots.

Surprised to discover that she had a certain amount of control over her alcohol intake, something that was in scarcity all throughout her college years, Meredith had one shot to every three shots they each had, which could actually explain the presence of quite a number of red and black carelessly drawn lines on her friends' faces.

"What did you find under my bed, Iz," Meredith asked indulgingly.

"A pair of pink men's underwear," she laughed, and then whined as Cristina drew another line on her face with the lipstick. "Hey!"

"You said the 'm' word," Cristina sniggered, moving back to her earlier position.

Glaring at Cristina, Izzie turned to address Meredith again.

"Anyway … I would never have thought that Derek was the type to wear pink underwear."

"Uhm … uh … they weren't Derek's," Meredith replied nervously. _Oh God, here we go._ "Iz, Derek and I broke up."

"You did? Why? That's too bad," she rambled, not giving Meredith a chance to speak. "So whose underwear was under your bed? Oh … oh," she nodded in understanding, "one of your inappropriate men."

To which Cristina snorted, and then leaned forward to draw another red line on Izzie's face.

Throwing Cristina a warning glare, she stood up from her seat and lowered herself beside Izzie.

"Iz, actually, I'm seeing someone …"

"Good for you," she interrupted, raising her shot glass to toast Meredith. "Have all the sex you want, with as many men as … hey, quit it," she whined as Cristina marked her again. "You're supposed to be drunk. How do you have the presence of mind to play this stupid, stupid game?"

"See, that's the difference between you and me," she leered, bursting into her signature evil laugh.

Rolling her eyes at Cristina, Izzie turned to Meredith.

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, you should enjoy yourself … have sex … with your inappropriate men … just make sure you don't fall for them. Coz love sucks … it sucks … men suck … and I don't mean that in a dirty way, mind you … but they do suck," Izzie babbled.

"They do suck." _(Cristina)_

"They do all these really romantic things that make you float on air… and they give you all these sappy lines … and they look at you with such passion that it makes your knees go weak … and …" _(Izzie)_

"Yeah, well, that didn't happen to me," Cristina interrupted, her eyebrows furrowing in disdain. "But Izzie's right, don't fall in love with him, because then he'll expect you to change, to become this whole other person you don't even recognize," Cristina slurred her agreement, slowly slumping lower onto the floor until she was lying down.

"Yeah, and then they wait till they become horribly important to you … and then they leave … they die … or cheat … or …" _(Izzie)_

"Choose to go back to their wife." Cristina added, raising a finger at Meredith.

"Or refuse to commit because they're in love with someone else." _(Izzie)_

"And worse, they demand that you wear a freakin' wedding gown." _(Cristina)_

"Yeah, so whatever you do, don't fall in love," Izzie said, her voice fading, as her body slid down to the floor as well.

A minute later, both had started to snore, which should have been funny really, since she had been getting a lot of flak lately about her own snoring, but she was too bothered by the conversation to be amused.

Meredith stared at her two friends and pondered on the things they had said.

She finally stood up after five minutes, collecting two blankets and pillows from the linen closet, and tended to her drunken friends, hovering over them to make sure that they were as comfortable as they could be on the floor. She then picked up the phone to leave a message for Burke, stating that Cristina was spending the night.

She went to her room to wash up and brush her teeth, and then made her way down the hall.

His head turned at the opening of his door, smiling as she entered the room.

"So, how was it," he asked, amusement softening his face.

She closed the door gently behind her and walked towards him. She took off the elastic binding her hair in a ponytail and stepped out of her slippers. She bent down and crawled over him to get to her side of the bed, and he rolled to his left side to face her.

"They passed out on the floor, and I discovered that I'm not the only one who snores. Remind me never to let them drink tequila again," she snorted, causing him to chuckle.

She lazily moved to kiss him goodnight, exhaustion precluding a more passionate one, and she pulled away shortly after.

"I just spent the past two hours listening to their problems and grievances about men and love, and I tell you, this was actually the first time I witnessed them agreeing on something. Oh, oh, and they said I should just have lots of sex, all the sex I want … and I will, with you … just not now, okay," she yawned, turning to her left side.

She reached behind her for his hand, and pulled it towards her chest, clamping her hands around it. Settling more comfortably in the spoon position against his body, she mumbled sleepily.

"New rule, Alex. Don't let me fall in love with you, okay," she managed to say before her even breathing signified that she had fallen asleep.

_It only gets problematic when you start to care … when you let your emotions get in the way_, her words from a conversation they had long ago came to mind. His heart tightened at her 'new rule', in fear that he was going to break the rule or in fear that she wouldn't, he didn't know. Wanting to dispel that rising fear, he pulled her body closer to his.

_

* * *

__The conversation mentioned in the last paragraph was from 2x10 (Much too Much)._


	19. Chapter 19

_Please note that I uploaded four chapters all at once, chapters 17-20. Thank you._

_This is for Sara/Lexie/Kate, who asked for Callie ... hope I did her justice._

* * *

She was really tired, though it was only three quarters past nine, and she knew it was going to be a really long day. She had that 'feeling' again today … you know, the one that told her she should have just stayed in bed, but since she didn't feel like she was going to die today, she got up. Well, actually, the reason she got up was because Alex had received a 911 page at four o'clock this morning, and he left in a frantic rush to check on Ava. So, she made her way downstairs. 

Ignoring the creeping feeling of dread, she spent the next three hours tidying up the mess they created last night, preparing an acceptable breakfast, getting Cristina and Izzie ready for work, and driving them to the hospital before their 7:00am shift. She had wanted to go check on Ava (_okay, she wanted to see Alex_) before rounds, but they were just changing into their scrubs when Callie had entered the locker room to request an intern for an emergency surgery. Having noticed that the two were clearly suffering from hangovers, Bailey had of course assigned her to the case.

So here she was, scrubbing out of surgery, already exhausted and she still had nine or maybe ten hours of her shift left. Wrapping a hand around her nape, she slowly rolled her head to ease the mounting tension. A little calmer after the neck rub, her fingers groped an inch lower and untied the strings of the light blue operating gown. Throwing it into the bin, she turned to face the woman beside her.

"Good work today, Grey," Callie commented.

"Thank you, Dr. Torres," she replied, opening the scrub room door to make an exit.

"You heading to join the others at the OR board now," Callie asked as she matched the intern's impatient strides.

"Uhm, actually, since I still have 15 minutes, I was planning to drop in on Ava … Jane Doe … you know, the pregnant woman Alex, I mean, Dr. Karev found during …" she stammered, suddenly flustered when she mentioned his name. _Crap!_ _What the hell? I sound like a blubbering idiot!_

"I do know who Ava is, Grey, and I am also aware that Karev's name is Alex," Callie said sarcastically, her eyebrow raised as she took in the creeping blush on the blonde's face.

"Uh, right. Sorry."

"I didn't know you were assigned to Ava's case today. Had I known, I wouldn't have pulled you for surgery."

"No, I wasn't. It's just that Alex went tearing out of the house early this morning, and I was wondering about Ava's condition, that's all," she justified, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I think I'll go with you."

"What? Why? You don't need to escort me. I'll only be a few minutes, then I'll … I mean, of course." Meredith bit her lip. _Just stop talking!_

"Okay, Grey, are you high or something," the dark-haired resident exclaimed suspiciously, narrowing her eyes as she studied the intern more closely. "I have no intention of babysitting you, Grey. I merely wanted to drop by and say hello to Addison."

"Addison? Dr. Addison Montgomery?"

"Grey!" Callie was unable to contain her exasperation. "Yes, Addison Montgomery! She arrived yesterday and we were supposed to have breakfast this morning, but I got paged for surgery, and she was asked to see Ava as well."

"Oh, okay," was all the intern could say, because her mind started racing with thoughts of Alex and Addison working together again.

_X ---------- OR Board, same time ---------- X_

"You two must be regretting that idiotic compulsion you have to indulge in alcohol, huh," Bailey asked sarcastically, unsympathetically staring at the two interns leaning against the counter.

"It was Cristina's fault," Izzie groaned, her face cupped in her hands.

"Nooo, it was Meredith's idea. I just went along for the ride, so technically, it was her fault," Cristina argued, suppressing a groan, _coz groaning would be a sign of weakness_.

"Uh-hmmm," Bailey replied. Turning to the two Attendings present, she asked, "So, which one of these fools would you want on your case today, Dr. Shepherd?"

Seated behind the counter, Derek looked up to survey his choices, his lips twitching at the sight before him. Clearing his throat, he answered.

"Uh, I'm in no rush really. Maybe we could wait for all your interns to join us, so everyone has a fair chance," he said diplomatically.

"Translated, that means he wants Meredith," Cristina huffed.

"Well, can you blame him," Bailey retorted. Addressing the plastic surgeon, she asked, "And you? Do you also want to wait for more options or do you want one of these two?"

Mark, who was sitting on the table behind the counter, stood and turned to face them. Arms crossed over his stomach, he looked from one intern to the other, and then his right hand stroked his beard methodically, as if he were deep in thought.

"It actually depends on what I _want_ them for, Dr. Bailey," he drawled, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he looked at the blonde.

"Dr. Sloan!"

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey," he said sheepishly. "I think I'll wait as well."

"That's what I thought. Well, they'll be here in a few minutes," Bailey answered, and then walked towards the OR board to peruse the schedule.

With Bailey out of earshot, Derek leaned closer to the interns.

"So, speaking of Meredith … how has she been," he asked.

"I thought you were being friends or whatever," Cristina replied.

"We are,' he said.

"Yeah, like that has worked before," she scoffed.

"Whoa, wait, you and Meredith aren't together anymore?" Mark butted in, a smirk on his face. "So, who broke up with whom this time?"

"This doesn't concern you, Dr. Sloan," Derek snapped, glaring at his former best friend. He turned back to address Cristina, "I was just wondering who she was seeing."

"Well, if you're such good friends, why don't you ask her yourself," Cristina asked sweetly, in a very, very sarcastic way.

She looked down at the chart again but then her head snapped back to face Derek a few seconds later, her eyes widening in surprise.

"You know that Meredith is seeing someone," Cristina asked incredulously.

"Yes, she told me, because we are friends," Derek said smugly.

"But she didn't tell you who the guy was?"

"No, she didn't," he admitted, the smugness gone from his face.

"So, who is Grey seeing," Mark asked, once again butting into the conversation.

"I am not telling you," Cristina addressed Derek, and then turned to face Mark. "And I am definitely not telling you," she snorted.

"C'mon," Derek coaxed, "just tell me already."

"No!"

"I'll let you scrub in on my next five surgeries," he promised.

"Make it ten, and I'll consider it," she bargained.

"Shame on you, Shep," Bailey exclaimed unexpectedly, causing them all to jump. "Using surgery as a bargaining chip to find out who your ex-girlfriend is currently dating. And you," she pointed to Cristina, "I've taught you well!"

"I was only … I didn't mean … you weren't supposed to hear that …," Derek stammered, eyeing the tiny woman sheepishly.

She stared back at him with a smug grin on her face, and the neurosurgeon's eyes widened.

"You know who she's dating, don't you," he accused.

"Will you give me the brownstone if I told you," Bailey mocked.

"Fine, don't tell me," he moped, leaning away from her and her glare, _because really, Miranda scared the crap out of him_.

"What makes you think she's actually dating someone anyway," Izzie finally joined in on the conversation. "How do you know it's not just sex," she blurted out sarcastically, and then gasped as she realized that she had said that aloud.

Horrified that everyone was staring at her, she buried her face in her hands again.

"Don't mind me. Hangover," came her muffled excuse.

"I know because he sent her flowers, and we all know that Meredith's not into that kind of thing," Derek answered.

"Wait, who sent her flowers," Mark, as usual, couldn't control himself from asking.

"Alex," George replied, his head bent over a chart, joining his fellow interns at the counter.

"What did you say," Mark asked the newcomer.

"I said 'Alex'," George repeated, finally looking up to see all of them staring at him. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? You just arrived," Izzie said, "so you don't even know what we were talking about."

"Flowers … Meredith …," George answered. "I heard you from ten feet away … you guys are loud."

"Okay, we were indeed talking about Mer and flowers, but I was talking about the guy she's dating … the one who gave her flowers," Derek explained. "What does Karev have to do with anything?"

"Oh, I thought you were talking about the flowers and bear that Alex gave to Mer," George unwittingly said, oblivious to the really big eyes Cristina was making at him.

"No, I think you've got your facts all mixed up," Derek replied. "Meredith said that those packages came from the new boyfriend."

"No, I'm pretty sure they came from Alex," George insisted, still ignorant of the gritted teeth and threatening glare that was now coming from Bailey.

Unfortunately, Mark was not ignorant or oblivious at all, because he so totally caught the two women trying desperately to silence George. And of course, being the kind of person that he was, he started chortling uncontrollably as he unscrupulously shared his discovery.

"Grey is dating Karev," Mark laughingly revealed.

"No, she isn't," George denied. "Alex has the hots for Dr. Montgomery."

"No, he doesn't. He likes Ava," Izzie corrected.

"You're both wrong," Mark said confidently. "I'm telling you, Karev and Grey are an item. I mean, just look at the guilty faces on Bailey and Yang."

They all turned to look at the mentioned doctors. Bailey's face was suddenly devoid of emotion, because she was just that good, but Cristina has yet to complete her training under the master, so her face was a dead giveaway. Izzie and George gasped, and Derek was rendered speechless.

"See, I told you, Grey is dating Karev," Mark gloated.

Another gasp could be heard from behind them, and they turned to see Meredith and Callie standing a few feet away, a mortified expression on the intern's face.

"Really, Grey," Callie broke the stunned silence, "you and Karev? I so did not see that coming. Hey, that makes _two_ guys you share in common with Addison," she blurted out humorously, but expressed remorse soon after when she realized how it sounded.

Meredith turned an even deeper shade of red, and she looked about ready to bolt. Everyone was staring at her, expecting her to say something, but she honestly didn't know what to say. _C'mon, Meredith, you can do this. You were willing to tell everyone anyway._

Just then, a couple of raised voices had taken the attention away from her, the loud argument getting louder as they neared the station. All heads turned to the heated discussion, except Derek's, which was still facing her.

Meredith broke eye contact with Derek, and shifted her gaze to the arguing couple.

"What exactly is your problem, Karev," Addison asked in a raised voice. "Her contractions are under control, so both she and the baby are safe for the time being."

"I just spent the last five hours making sure of that … no, make that the last twelve days, ever since her doctor abandoned her to go to L.A. because she's too much of a …"

"Do not make this about us, Karev," Addison warned.

"This has nothing to do with you and me. This is about Ava and her baby and the fact that you shirked your responsibilities as her doctor," Alex retorted angrily, a thunderous expression on his face as he leaned towards her.

"Karev," Bailey instinctively called out, hoping to restore calm in the intern.

Both turned to face their audience, embarrassment sweeping over the female attending's face. Alex, on the other hand, stood motionless as he stared back at Meredith, both of them oblivious to everything around them.

She saw the shifting emotions that danced across his face: anger, remorse, concern, appeal, hurt and dejection.

Though a bit calmer because of Bailey's interference, he was still reeling from his displaced anger, but when he met Meredith's eyes, he regretted his outburst, worried that she may have misconstrued what she had heard. He didn't want her thinking that Addison could affect him this way, and he sent her a silent message, urging her to come to him because he wanted, needed to be with her. He caught the look of doubt that she had tried to hide, realizing that she had somehow lost faith in him and herself. Unable to suppress the desolation that washed over him, he turned from her and walked away.

_

* * *

__I love Addison (she's one of my favorites), and her very short appearance in this scene is not indicative of how I regard her character. I am hoping to do her justice in future chapters._

_This was not what I had originally planned when I mapped out the sequence of events for the story, intending it to be light and angst-free. However, as I was writing these chapters, the story took an unexpected turn and this is what came out. Remind me never to write anything when I'm mildly depressed (reality of getting older) or hormonally-imbalanced (yup, that time of the month). _

_052907_


	20. Chapter 20

_Please note that I uploaded four chapters all at once, chapters 17-20. Thank you._

* * *

She opened the door a crack, just enough to peer inside. When she saw the hunched figure on the floor, she slowly entered the tiny closet, closing the door gently behind her.

Uncertain whether her presence would be welcomed, she stood against the door to wait for his reaction, hoping to see the silent invitation he had issued half an hour ago.

He finally looked up at her, the brooding scowl causing her heart to tighten, and she pushed herself off the door. She lowered herself against the wall opposite him, wedging her leg between his, sighing with pleasure as she felt his legs squeeze hers in acceptance.

Ashamed and remorseful that she didn't run after him the moment he turned away, she bent her head and stared at their shoes, just waiting.

"It wasn't about Addison," he finally spoke after a few minutes, his voice low and raspy.

His statement had dispelled her fears and doubts regarding Addison, and she looked up to meet his eyes, grateful for his assurance.

"It wasn't about Ava, either."

He closed his eyes briefly, his hand rubbing his eyelids in an attempt to reduce the stinging sensation. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes again.

"I got a girl pregnant when I was nineteen … she was a year younger than me. She was a cousin of one of the guys I used to hang out with, and I thought I had made it clear to her that we were just fooling around. I got really mad when she told me she was pregnant, and I told her it really wasn't my problem."

He paused, trying to read her thoughts, but she only motioned for him to continue.

"I didn't want the responsibility, so I scraped enough money and tricked her into coming with me. I took her to a clinic and forced her to have an abortion. She refused, said it went against everything she believed in … I forced her anyway … I made promises I had no intention of keeping … just to get her to go inside … I practically carried her so she wouldn't change her mind."

He wiped a hand over his face.

"She died on the table."

"Alex," she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I killed two people, Mer. This wasn't about Addison or about Ava … this was about making amends for causing the death of my baby and its mother."

She wiped at the tears that trickled down her face and crawled towards him. She positioned herself on his lap, her legs straddling his torso, and she wound her arms around his neck, her head resting on her arms. She turned her head till her lips grazed his face, releasing a sigh against his ear when she felt his arms go around her.

_052907_


	21. AN phase 2 complete

30 May 2007

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

I would like to thank you once again for following this story, and I truly, truly appreciate all the time and effort you put into reading and reviewing. I am especially grateful for your reviews because:

a) they pretty much give me an idea as to where to go with the story;

b) your criticisms/objections/observations/complaints help me redirect and refocus if and when I stray or deviate from the original course of the story;

c) your comments/suggestions/ideas are always taken into consideration when I write a chapter, in effect making you co-writers;

d) they of course let me know that you actually like the story; and

e) they're my happy pills! LOL. Seriously, though, your validation makes me feel good about myself as a person (as sappy as that sounds), and gives me the confidence I so sadly need. In addition, when I'm happy and content, everyone around me benefits … so, really, you'll be doing a service to mankind (well, to those in my network anyway) if you review. LOL.

Please allow me again to explain why I chose this particular story as Alex' backstory, not to justify, but more to shed light on why 'abortion' of all things. As _'I Took the Blond Chick Down to …' (okay, seriously, you have to give me an easier/shorter name)_ had commented, it is a bit difficult to imagine Alex doing such a thing, and I was a little skeptical myself when this idea came to me. In fact, my mouse kinda hovered over the 'add' button for a good five minutes before I clicked on it, so apprehensive was I about it. It would undoubtedly have been a safer move on my part to go with the daddy issues and terrible childhood storyline. It wasn't also 'shock factor' that made me go with it, though based on your reviews, I guess it really did come as a surprise. It made a lot of sense to me at the time (_I blame it on the hormones_), mainly because it could explain his attachment and deep involvement with Ava without the romantic factor. It could also account for his wariness and avoidance when it comes to emotional intimacy with women. And it also opens up a whole world of possibilities for future chapters, and I'm really, really hoping I'll be able to effectively resolve this 'issue' for him and do it justice.

The last four chapters were written as a culmination to '_Renegotiating the Deal_'. As with the final chapter of '_Close Collaboration_', the first phase (_stage/level,_ whatever you wish to call it) of their 'relationship' had ended and a new phase began with RtD, and I wanted to resolve and complete all those objectives I have set for it. I had once again thought of starting the next phase with a third story to mark its beginning, but I couldn't come up with another title for it. No, really, that's my reason for not creating a new story --- I couldn't think of another title, as silly as that sounds.

That said, this marks the beginning of the next phase/stage/level in the relationship of Meredith and Alex. I aim to include/touch on the following: everyone's acceptance/reaction to their relationship (continued); more intimacy, both emotional and physical (_let's not forget the physical LOL_), to deepen their relationship; challenges and trials that would test their relationship as friends and as lovers; 'logistical' problems since they actually live in the same house; and of course, concretizing their relationship more. I also intend to utilize the return of Addison (mainly because I really love her character) and build on Derek's unclear reaction to the relationship, which pretty much gives you an idea what to expect. Oh yeah, the "new rule" (Mer asking Alex not to let her fall in love with him), or rather breaking that new rule, will definitely come into play in this new phase.

Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued reading and constant reviewing. I know I have said this already, but I really want let you know how much I appreciate it. Here's hoping you continue to follow this story of Meredith and Alex.

_gagaoverGA_

_

* * *

__In response to those who have reviewed the last four chapters (you know who you guys are) --- So, was that a good "I didn't see that coming" or a bad one? LOL. As for the 'outing', I have to admit I was nervous about that, too, worried that it might be a letdown or a disappointment, especially since I spent some time building up to it. So I really, really hope you liked how it was done._

_I won't be able to update this till next week, because I'll be away again this weekend on a family retreat like the last time. Anyway, I've already started writing the next chapter, and I'll really attempt to finish it before I leave, but in case I don't, I'll have it up as soon as I get back._

_Thanks for reading!_


	22. A New Phase begins part1

_I tried to avoid beginning the new phase of their relationship on an angst-ridden tone, really I did. The first few paragraphs were intended to be a flashback, a __short__ narration of what happened in the closet (hence its italicized form), but once again, the story took a life of its own and this is what my fingers typed (hehehe). So as much as I would have wanted to refrain from angst, I felt that Alex had to "battle his demons" before he could move on._

_This chapter would be broken down into two parts because of its length and the "issues" tackled in each part. I'm hoping to have the second part up soon. So, I appeal once again to your patience and understanding when you read this, and reserve judgment until you've read both parts. The reasons behind Alex' actions will become clearer in the next part._

_I would like to acknowledge __**Bethany (murgy31)**__ for her invaluable opinions and suggestions on this entry and for her help in figuring out the 'confrontation' scene between Iz and Mer on the second part (yup, I'm throwing in a spoiler). I truly appreciate all you've done. Thanks heaps!_

* * *

She engaged the handbrake and bent over the steering wheel to turn off the engine. She scanned the house in front of her for any signs of Alex' presence, but it was swathed in darkness. She knew he was home --- she had called him earlier to check on him --- so the darkness worried her. It could only mean that he hadn't yet recovered from this morning's events. She leaned back against the driver's seat and closed her eyes.

_The fingers of her left hand gently massaged the back of his head in response to the uncontrollable shudders racking his body. Her right arm mirrored the tightening of his arms around her body as he desperately clung to her. They'd been sitting in silence for the past ten minutes, since she took him in her arms. She didn't really know what to say to him, and she somehow understood that he didn't really want to talk anyway. _

_She pressed her lips against the skin where his earlobe met his jaw, a tiny movement of comfort and assurance. When he felt this, he turned his head slowly towards her, the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow tickling her face as his cheek slid against hers in his quest for her mouth. Upon contact, his lips were instantly hard and unrelenting against hers, almost savage in its intensity. She opened her mouth to take a breath, and his tongue slipped in, ruthless in its assault. Fighting back the tears that threatened to fall, she swallowed the instinctual protest against his ministrations, recognizing the desperation and fear in the way he clawed at her back and nape. She felt his fingers digging into her flesh and scalp, and comprehending his need for dominance and assurance, she willingly submitted to his demand, matching the urgent thrust of his tongue against hers. _

_Her pager signaled a message, and his body went rigid against her as he heard the distinct succession of beeps. A few seconds later, his pager alarmed as well. Momentarily distracted by the pealing sounds, she failed to realize that he had pushed her away from him until the length of his arms separated them, her hands unconsciously immobile on his shoulders. Startled back to attention, she saw that he had closed his eyes, further withdrawing from her. She pushed against his forceful resistance and managed to draw him back in an embrace, her face stopping a few inches in front of his._

"_Alex," she called his name softly._

_She saw the flickering of his eyelids as he tried to gain control over his trembling body but his eyes remained shut._

"_Alex," she pleaded._

_He exhaled a deep breath and opened his eyes, weariness turning to horrified regret when his gaze focused on her bruised lips._

"_Oh God, Mer …," he rasped, his trembling hand slowly reaching for her head._

_She leaned into his caress as his thumb gingerly traced the corner of her mouth._

"_I'm so sorry … I …," he apologized with a choked voice._

"_It's okay, Alex … I'm okay," she soothed._

"_I didn't mean to hurt you …"_

"_You didn't." _

"_Oh God, I didn't mean to …" he broke off when she grasped the sides of his head._

"_You didn't hurt me, Alex," she repeated firmly, her blue eyes warm and comforting._

_She leaned her forehead against his and wrapped her arms around him. She willed him to respond to her assurances, and she sighed in relief when he shifted his head to the crook of her neck, his arms going around her waist._

_He mumbled something unintelligible against her neck, and she thought he said '_please don't leave me_' but she wasn't quite sure._

_Her pager rang again, and the discipline ingrained in her by her training wouldn't allow her to continue ignoring the page. She slowly released her tight hold on his shoulders without pulling away from him. She nuzzled against his neck for a few seconds, murmuring '_I have to get this_' in apology before reaching for her pager, his head still pressed against her shoulder blades. _

"_It's Bailey," she read aloud, clipping the pager to the waistband of her scrub pants as his pager rang again too. When he didn't move, she reached for it herself. "She paged you, too."_

"_Probably to tell me that I'm off Ava's case," he mumbled bitterly against her neck._

"_She wouldn't do that, Alex," she said softly, uncertainty making her dispute weak and unconvincing._

_He finally unclasped his arms from around her and slowly moved till his back rested against the wall, his left hand sliding to her lap while the right hand accepted the pager she held out to him. With an economy of movement, he returned it to its place at his waist without looking at it. He then leaned his head back and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, and she felt his legs flex under her._

_She shifted to remove her weight from him, kneeling astride his legs, and then she bent over him, one hand on the wall near his head, the other cradling his face._

"_Alex," she whispered, her voice laced with concern._

_He exhaled heavily, removed his hands from his face and grasped her hips and then bravely met her anxious gaze._

"_You go ahead," he replied, his voice hoarse from the strain of fighting back his tears. "I'll be out in a while."_

"_But I …"_

"_It's okay, Mer … I'm fine," he interrupted her protest. "Just give me a minute, and I'll follow you there, okay?"_

_She opened her mouth to argue, but the plea in his eyes made her take pause. She nodded her agreement and leaned into him to brush her lips against his. She slowly pulled away, traced his face with the tips of her fingers, and made to stand up. His hands fell limply from her hips onto his lap, and he looked up at her, the forced smile failing to mask the dejection she saw in his eyes._

It was that look of misery that haunted her since she last saw him eight hours ago. She unwillingly left him in the closet, but she understood his need to be alone so he could collect himself. Distracted with thoughts of Alex, she searched for her resident and accepted the case assigned to her, grateful that Bailey had insightfully refrained from interrogating her. She didn't get to see him anymore after that, though Bailey informed her that she had sent him home early.

Meredith took several deep breaths to purge the feelings of helplessness and anxiety that had pervaded during her recollection of the day's happenings. Slowly, she took the key from the ignition and turned to collect her things from the passenger seat. Unhurriedly, she got out of the car and unlocked the backdoor, preparing herself for the worst.

She made her way through the house, stopping only to turn on a few lights along the way, and then slowly crept up the stairs. She noticed that the door to his room was ajar, and she spied his unmoving figure on the bed, the muted light from the streetlamp filtering through the window allowing her to take in his pained expression.

Not wanting to invade his privacy, she leaned against the doorframe, hoping that her slight movement had alerted him to her presence. His head turned a tiny fraction to face her in acknowledgement, but the tension emanating from him kept her rooted to her spot, recognizing his defense against her intrusion of his self-imposed isolation.

"Hey," she whispered, the tightness in her throat disabling from saying anything else.

"Hey," he replied belatedly.

She smiled at him, hoping to convey her desire to go to him but that she understood that he wasn't quite ready to deal with her yet. She took no offence in his withdrawal from her, because she knew that it wasn't really her that he was rejecting. It saddened her, though, that she couldn't penetrate his desolation. All she could do was wait.

"I could fix us something to eat," she offered softly.

He shook his head and smiled his thanks, gratitude and appreciation warming his eyes for a few seconds before slipping back into his dark mood.

That brief spark of warmth gave her hope.

"Okay, maybe later," she said, straightening from the doorframe. "I'll go wash up first and then I'll see what we have in case you get hungry later."

He nodded slightly and went back to staring at the ceiling. She fought the urge to run to his bed; he'd come to her when he was ready. She only hoped it wouldn't take long. With a final look at his lifeless form, she turned away and walked to her room.

_

* * *

__I apologize for the delay in updates. I started this before I left for the weekend, but it was too depressing so I stopped. I ended up deleting the whole thing. I began writing again, only to come up with this … so I guess I really couldn't escape from angst. LOL. In addition to the difficulties I had in writing this chap, I was also hit by two family emergencies so I couldn't devote much time to completing this chapter. I'm hoping to have the other one up in the next couple of days when things settle down._

_Bethany/murgy31, LaFilmeM, imaslacker/Mandy, Christa/Jany1988, I Took …, Ciaobella06_ --- thank you for your greetings and wishes. I also appreciate your assurances about the whole abortion thing, and I would like also to thank you for the notes/details you've included (they would help me in future chaps when I attempt to resolve this issue). And I would especially like to thank mandy for my birthday gift --- a written note (I believe I asked for a solemn vow. LOL j/k) to try to review the story more. I'll hold you to that, okay? LOL. thanks again.

_BitB21_ --- thanks for the review. What story were you referring to when you said you had previously paired mer and alex? I haven't had time yet to look at your stories, but I promise to read and review when things aren't so crazy around here anymore.

_LaFilmeM, Christa/Jany1988, I Took …, Ciaobella06, personifiedx, rachey33, cabot007, xxDark-Elfxx, Petra79, Sara/Lexie, Lennie1984, JenniferL, Brandy/MaDFF_ --- thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the wonderful reviews you left for my last update. Truly appreciate everything you've said. I cannot thank you enough.

_xxDark-Elfxx_ --- would you be willing to share him instead? I'm not sure when I'll be through with him, or if I'll even be willing to part with him when I'm done. LOL. thanks!

_Bethany/murgy31 --- _again, my appreciation and heartfelt thanks for all your help.

_Would appreciate your reviews … please don't let me resort to begging … coz I will. LOL. Thanks for reading!_

_060507_


	23. A New Phase begins part2

_Okay, seriously, I should listen to myself and just stay in bed the next time I get a feeling!_ She plopped onto the edge of the bed in exhaustion; her shoulders drooped heavily, her hands dangled between her parted thighs, and her head hang floppily, akin to a wilted flower that hadn't been watered in weeks. It wasn't the long shift or the grueling work that sapped the life out of her. She welcomed the heavy load, in fact, because difficult cases and surgeries always managed to distract her from all the crappiness that happened in her life. They didn't serve their purpose today however … because, really, this day had been one devastating blow after another.

Addison back in Seattle … everyone finding out about them … that screaming bout … Izzie's disbelieving glare and Derek's accusing gaze … Alex' revelation about his past … the almost-brutal kiss in the closet ... and his painful withdrawal from her.

Addison's unexpected return had come at the most inopportune time. Though she and Alex have taken a few more steps towards building their relationship, they weren't exactly on solid footing, and that argument she witnessed, she must admit, had raised doubts and insecurities about his lingering feelings for the redhead.

The discovery about her involvement with Alex, on the other hand, wasn't really that big of a deal. She was prepared for their relationship to be made known to their friends, but she had wanted the opportunity to tell them herself. Unfortunately, she was unable to deal with their reactions at that exact moment because all she could focus on was Alex walking away from her. The look of desolation she had glimpsed in his eyes, right before he had turned away, had drowned out everything else.

Fortunately, Dr. Bailey had shrewdly averted a confrontation by handing out assignments, immediately sending everyone on their way. She then motioned for Meredith to come with her as she led them away from the nurses' station. Grateful for the Nazi's interference, she dazedly followed the tiny woman, but not before she caught the gleam of amusement on Mark's face, the confusion on Addison's, and the reproach on Derek's. Torn between fight and flight, the haunted expression on Alex' eyes drove her to ask Bailey that she be excused, stammering her need to look for Alex. Perceptive and compassionate as she was, Bailey silently gave her assent.

With every door to an empty closet she had closed, she grew more frantic and upset, berating herself for her hesitation earlier.

She didn't know what to say to him; she wasn't very good in communicating. She couldn't offer him words of comfort, or soothing promises that '_everything was going to be okay_', so she did the only thing she could do … hold him the way he held her that night on the couch. She didn't mind the numbness in her arms and legs from the uncomfortable position nor the painful grip he had around her body. She didn't even resent the savage way by which he kissed her, recognizing his demand for submission and acquiescence. She couldn't understand the driving force behind his onslaught, but she surrendered to it nonetheless.

What bothered her was his withdrawal from her … the physical and emotional distance he'd created between them. She could appreciate that he needed time to sort it out, and she knows there really isn't much she can do to make it better for him. She knew that. _There are some battles one just has to face on his own_, but knowing this didn't take away the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. And they were making so much progress, too; small and measured steps as they were, they had begun to establish emotional intimacy. _Should I have been more forceful and not have allowed him to push me away? Should have I insisted that he let me in?_

With a heavy sigh, she ended her musings and stretched her aching back before standing to head towards the adjoining bathroom.

_X - Twenty minutes later - X_

Washed and changed, she opened the door to her room and instantly heard the water running in the bathroom. She took two giant steps across, but her elation waned at the discovery that he had locked the door. Shrugging off the disappointment, she took the shower as a good sign that he was finally slowly coming out of his depression. _Maybe he'd come to her room after his shower._

She had just reached the foot of the stairs when she saw Izzie groping with the locks of the front door, the blonde momentarily immobile as she stared expressionless back at her through the glass. Her heart skipped a beat in anticipation of the impending 'dialogue' _(she refused to use the word 'confrontation')_. Bravely taking that last step, she smiled at Izzie as she pushed her way through the door.

"Hey, Iz. Really sorry you had to look for another ride home … I left early to check on Alex," she greeted amiably.

"You seriously think I'm speaking to you," Izzie asked cynically, barely glancing Meredith's way as she passed her landlord on the way to the kitchen.

"Iz," she coaxed.

"You lied to me," came the accusatory reply.

_Okay, you can do this. Just explain that you were going to go public about it already, and that it was unfortunate that they had discovered about it before you could tell them. Izzie's reasonable and levelheaded … and … and she's a very understanding person_, she psyched herself. Taking a deep breath, Meredith slowly followed Izzie's tracks.

"I didn't lie to you, Iz," she said calmly, taking a seat on the stool by the kitchen island beside her friend.

"You said that you didn't have sex with Alex … that morning I caught you in bed with him."

"We didn't have sex then, so technically, we didn't lie to you," she defended softly.

"But you withheld the truth about you and Alex from me … from us … all this time … so _technically_," Izzie said with air quotation gestures, "you did lie."

"Look, Iz, I was gonna tell you … yesterday morning, we both tried to tell you … and again last night … but I couldn't find the perfect chance to tell you. I'm sorry that you're upset about us keeping this from you, but I …"

"That's not even the point," Izzie exploded, interrupting Meredith's stammering explanation.

Dreading the potential answer to the question forming in her brain, she voiced the query stiltedly.

"What's the point then, Iz?"

"What do you think the point is, Meredith? You and Alex … Alex!" Izzie retorted, getting up to put distance between them.

"Yes, Izzie, Alex and me," she said, trying to remain calm in the face of her rising annoyance at Izzie's incredulity. "What exactly are your objections about our relationship?"

"Relationship? Relationship? Is that what you have? A relationship," she asked mockingly. "Having sex does not constitute a relationship."

"It's not about the sex," she stated composedly.

"Like hell it isn't! You just broke up with Derek, and then you jump into bed with Alex after … what? A day? Two days?"

Meredith couldn't really say anything to that because she did sleep with Alex before she even broke up with Derek.

Taking her silence as confirmation, Izzie prattled on.

"Why Alex, Meredith? Why didn't you stick to the inappropriate men you pick up at Joe's? Why add him to the list? He deserves so much better than that." On a calmer tone, she appealed, "He's a great guy, Mer … and maybe you don't see that … but he is, and he deserves someone who can give him what he needs. So if this is just a game to you, or some weird experiment you're testing for the fun of it …"

Meredith barely heard what Izzie was saying, her mind stuck on '_he deserves someone who can give him what he needs._' That line had hit a nerve, and all her feelings of inadequacy and helplessness came to surface, making her fearful that there was truth behind those words. _What I can give him is not enough for him?_ Driven by insecurity, she was instantly on the defensive. Her voice low and steady, she scathingly lashed out at Izzie.

"I may not have had much success with the men in my life … maybe I _am_ a dirty mistress and an adulterous whore … and maybe I don't know the first thing about relationships. And maybe you're right about me not being the person who can give him what he needs. But, Izzie, I'm not going to let you make that decision for him … for us."

Meredith slowly rose from the stool, ignoring the pang of regret that shot through her at Izzie's startled expression, and then left the kitchen. Still reeling from the overwhelming swirl of emotions, she made her way upstairs, seeking Alex' assurance.

A surge of irrational anger overcame her when she saw Alex sitting in his room, a defensive mechanism to suppress the fear of knowing that Izzie may be right. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorframe.

"Everyone knows already, so we don't have to sneak around anymore," she said, unable to mask her irritation.

"I know," he replied blandly, looking up from his position at the edge of the bed.

"So, why are you here? Why didn't you go to my room," she asked, hurt and disappointed that he was still keeping her at a distance.

"Because you weren't there," he answered with a shrug.

She accepted this reasoning, aware of their practice of sleeping in the room of the person who goes to bed first, the other sneaking in after.

"Well, I'm on my way there now. Are you coming," she asked impatiently, pushing off the doorframe.

Her question was met with silence. She glared at him but he had averted his gaze, and her tight control on her emotions snapped.

"I didn't know that the rules of this thing, this so-called relationship, only applied to me," she spat out, her voice rising in frustration and anger. "I can't pull away from you but you can shut me out and push me away. Fine, Alex, I admit it … I don't know how I can make things better for you, and I'm not even going to pretend that I do. But that doesn't mean you can just push me aside because I'm of no use to you."

Annoyed that several tears had fallen during her tirade, she spun around to hide evidence of her weakness and stormed off towards her room.

"Meredith," he called after her, chasing her down the hall.

"I get it, Alex. Now leave me alone," she retorted, clumsily fumbling with the doorknob in her haste to get inside the room.

"No," he yelled, stopping her with a hand around her arm, "you don't get it."

"Alex, just let go of me,' she yelled back, trying to disentangle his fingers.

"No, not until we talk about this."

"Now you want to talk … all you were doing earlier was pushing me away and now you say we have to talk. Well, there's …"

"I wasn't pushing you away," he thundered, interrupting her.

"Yes, you were!"

"Don't you get it? It wasn't because I didn't think you couldn't help me or that I didn't need you. I wasn't shutting you out. I was scared!"

"Scared of what," she asked exasperatedly.

"Scared that you wouldn't want me anymore!"

He let go of her arm and backed away from her, leaning against the bathroom door.

Momentarily rendered speechless by what he had said, she stared blankly at him.

"What?"

He sighed heavily before replying.

"Knowing what you know about me … my past … I was scared that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore," he said softly.

"Then I guess you really didn't know me at all," she replied just as softly, reaching for the doorknob.

She entered the room and walked towards the bed. Not bothering with the covers, she got in and curled on her side. She didn't look away from the window, even as he walked into the room and got into the bed beside her. She held herself rigid when she felt his arm go around her waist to pull her back against his chest.

He could feel her resistance … so he slipped his left arm under her neck and wrapped his hand around her arm, and then he tightened his right arm around her waist to pull her closer still. He buried his head in her neck, nuzzling her collarbone, and he sighed in relief when he felt her reaching for the hand on her waist and sandwiched it in hers.

She released the breath she was holding.

"I was giving you some space," she whispered. "I was waiting for you to come to me."

"I realize that," he whispered into her shoulder, "and I'm really sorry."

She squeezed the hand she held in hers and drew it to her lips.

He broke the silence after a minute.

"I need you to want to be with me," he said against her ear.

She slowly turned in his arms till she lay flat on her back, his biceps pillowing her head. The fingers of her left hand still threaded through his, she lifted her right hand to caress his face.

"I do," she whispered back.

He bent down to kiss her but the hesitant knocking on the door prevented him from making contact with her lips. They both turned as the door opened, the light from the hallway revealing their roommate entering the room. Meredith raised her head to watch as Izzie strode towards the bed and flopped down beside her, curling on her side with her back to the bemused couple.

Alex stared agape at Meredith, and she shrugged in reply, her eyes twinkling with amusement. They were startled out of their silent exchange when their new bedmate started to talk.

"Rule number one," Izzie began, "no walking around naked. Rule number two … keep sex noises to a tolerable level. Rule number three …"

_

* * *

__I haven't forgotten the 'abortion' issue … it will be addressed in future chaps as the story progresses. _

_Cabot077, Petra79, shell36799, personifiedx_, _Brandy/MaDFF, Jany1988/Christa, Sara/Lexie, xxDark-Elfxx, I Took … & Bethany/murgy31_ - yay! you guys are the best! I thought you were going to tear into me for all the angst. hope this second part was able to resolve those issues I mentioned earlier. thank you! thank you! again, thank you!

_Brandy/MaDFF_ - have you started your meralex story already? Let me know, k?

_Jany1988/Christa_ - you said one more test right? So, with all your 'free time', does that mean you're already on break?

_Sara/Lexie_ - that there is why I love you so much! Maybe I should include your reviews in my A/Ns.

_xxDark-Elfxx_ - "Angst leads to make-up sex!" LOL. I agree. And they would have, too, but izzie walked in. remind me to make alex lock the door next time. Hmm, maybe izzie should get a 911 page in the next chap.

_I Took …_ - how was your job hunting? Found anything good? re the name, you don't need to change it … just give me a nickname. LOL.

_Bethany/murgy31_ - I am forever grateful for all your ideas and opinions … I wouldn't have been able to finish writing this chapter without your help. I'll be naming my next kid (that's if I do have another one LOL) after you! Thank you!

_Please, please, please review! How's that for begging? Needs more work? LOL. Thank you for reading!_

_060707_


	24. Chapter 24

_After all that angst, I'm thinking that Mer and Alex need some lovin'!_

_Unfortunately, I'm going to have to divide this chapter again LOL. Back at work, so I couldn't really devote much time to writing. Here's hoping you'll like this._

_This is for __**Bethany**__, my master, 'encyclopedia', and sounding board (who chats with me despite my idiosyncrasies and oddities --- God bless you!); __**BitB21**__, happy 21__st__ (enjoy your trip); __**xxDark-Elfxx**__, whose idea it was (thanks for that LOL); __**Bonnie & 007, Blond Agent/Steph**__ (who made my weekend brighter); and for __**Sara/Lexie**__, who asked for the details (LOL). _

* * *

"Rule number nine," Izzie droned on, as if giving a lecture, "I can get into bed with you whenever I have a crisis," pausing long enough to turn her head towards the ceiling so she had a peripheral view of her bedmates, raising a finger to stress her next words, "and before you get any ideas into your head, Alex, I am NOT into threesomes!" 

To which Meredith chuckled louder and Alex scowled harder; his scowl only adding to her mirth. You see, just like her, he was smiling with amusement and relief when Izzie started 'laying down the rules'. He even gave his wholehearted consent to rule number three with a very enthusiastic _'oh, definitely'_. Rule number four, however, wiped the smile off his face. His eyebrows then furrowed at rule number six, and his hand on her stomach clenched, indicating his annoyance. She began to lazily draw circles on that hand in an attempt to calm him down, and it seemed to work quite well … at least it seemed to work until Izzie revealed rule number 8, and it just went downhill from there.

"Which brings me to rule number 10," the blonde continued, her voice mirroring Meredith's amusement, "or subrule to rule #9 … whatever … when I'm in bed with you, there will be NO hugging or cuddling or kissing or snuggling or touching … and definitely NO sex!"

Meredith burst out laughing at that, despite the fact that Alex had just snarled in protest. Because she was snuggled quite intimately against his chest, she was able to hear the distinct growl he made at rule number nine, which turned into a snarl at the last rule. She knew she shouldn't be laughing at Alex, but she was just so deliriously thrilled by Izzie's acceptance of their relationship that she couldn't really help herself. She turned her head to look up at him and noted the absence of humor on his face as he glared at Izzie's back. She clamped her mouth shut to lend support to his protest, but her giggling rumbled through despite her attempt to control it. She squeezed his hand with her left and ran her right hand along the thigh he draped over her legs.

Her head turned back to Izzie as the blonde started to speak again.

"And I'm pretty sure you're breaking that rule as we speak, aren't you?"

Meredith lost the battle to the giggles once more, her laughter making it difficult to utter _'yes, we are'_. Alex, on the other hand, snarled louder and drew her closer against him, his hand sliding all the way to her back to complete the embrace.

"Alex," Meredith scolded through her mirth, lifting her head a few inches to briefly connect her lips to his jaw. "Don't be such a grouch, Hon," she clucked, her crinkling eyes urging him to lighten up.

An unreadable expression softened his face for a few seconds but crumpled into a scowl once again as he spoke.

"Mer, most of those rules were ridiculous and totally unreasonable," he complained.

"No, they weren't," Izzie opposed.

"Okay, " Alex grumbled, "maybe they weren't totally unreasonable, but they _are_ damaging to our relationship," pausing at Izzie's snort and Meredith's raised eyebrows, "fine, maybe not damaging to our relationship, but they are certainly detrimental to our sex life! So … I'll agree to rules one to nine," he said grudgingly, "but I'll be damned if I can't hold you or kiss you whenever she's around. That's the risk she has to take when she climbs into bed with us."

"Fine, fine, fine," Izzie conceded, turning slowly to face the couple, "you can snuggle … wouldn't want to be the cause of the decline in your sex life … but I better not hear any moaning and slurping sounds while I'm in bed with you. Deal?"

He looked from Izzie's expectant face to Meredith's amused one, growling at the woman in his arms before sulkily giving his assent.

Meredith's giddy laughter mingled with Izzie's triumphant giggle, consequently causing Alex to snort and shake his head in defeat. She planted a kiss on his chin, which finally drew a smile, albeit a tight one, out of him, and then raised her hand to cup his face, smiling tenderly up at him. He leaned into the caress and the frown disappeared, his eyes softening as he stared back at her.

A slight movement drew her attention away from Alex, and she turned her head to face Izzie, who was watching them intently. A warm smile broke the blonde's contemplative expression as she met Meredith's gaze.

'_I'm sorry,'_ Izzie mouthed.

A tear escaped the corner of Meredith's eye as she mouthed back, _'thank you'_.

The meaningful affection that passed between the two women didn't go unnoticed by Alex but he wisely avoided disrupting the moment. He did, however, react when he saw Izzie settling more comfortably against the pillow, adjusting her legs into a more relaxed pose.

"What the hell do you think you're doing," Alex questioned caustically.

"Getting comfy," replied Izzie. "Been a tiring day."

"Dude … seriously?"

"You agreed to rule number nine, Alex," Izzie reminded him, a smug smile on her face.

"Yeah, but we're trying to have make-up sex here," he retorted, glaring disbelievingly at the unwanted guest.

"Well, then I guess you'll have to postpone it."

"That ain't gonna happen. You have to leave," he said, not disguising his irritation.

"Alex," Meredith scolded with a laugh, making big eyes at him. Addressing their friend with a grin, she said, "Don't mind him … you can stay, Iz."

"Fine, you can stay if you want," he shrugged, "it makes no difference to me really … but we _are_ having make-up sex, so suit yourself," he warned, bending down to kiss Meredith as his hand slid up to fondle her breast.

"Eeeew," Izzie shrieked, rolling out of the bed and frantically headed towards the door, covering her ears in anticipation of unwanted inappropriate sounds. "That's sick and twisted, Alex, even for you!"

"Yeah, well … lock the door on your way out," he called out triumphantly, his lips breaking into a satisfied smile as he heard the door slam, and then he let out a guttural moan as his lips finally settled on her eager mouth.

_

* * *

__Sorry, really short, but I promise to continue from where this ended in the next chapter. Sara/Lexie, it won't be hinted, promise … just give me enough time to write it LOL._

_Bethany, Sara/Lexie, littlewhitelie91, Brandy, Namjr, elisaday16, Petra79, personifiedx, happyHB, LaFilmeM, Jany1988, "007, Agent Blond"/Steph (LOL), Rachey33, xxDark-Elfxx, BitB21, shell36799, & Bonnie_ --- you guys are the **BEST**! Seriously! I've added you all in my will! Please PM me your addresses so my lawyer can get in touch with you! Cannot thank you enough for the reviews!

_You know my spiel … please, please, please, please, please (okay, I said please five times now) review! Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it._

_061907_


	25. Chapter 25

_As promised, it picks up directly from where I left off in the previous chap. _

_And as also promised, this chapter may be a bit (okay, a lot) descriptive, so … to all minors, please do NOT read under the xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx line. You can begin reading again third to the last paragraph. LOL Let it not be said that I didn't give fair warning._

_This is for __**Bee**__ (thank you for all the encouragement, assurance and validation), __**BitB21, **__**xxDark-Elfxx, **__**Bonnie, "007, Blond Agent"/Steph**__ & __**Sara/Lexie.**_

* * *

Her tickled giggling came to an abrupt halt as his lips covered her mouth, softly moaning her pleasure at the longed-for contact. She should be ashamed of herself for delighting too much in that simple act of their lips touching, but she'd been yearning to kiss him since she got home to find him in his self-imposed isolation that that moment she felt his lips on hers was pure pleasure. 

And for someone who had just blatantly announced to their roommate that they were going to have make-up sex, not to mention the fact that he had unabashedly fondled her in front of said roommate, Alex seemed to be taking his time, content with just pressing his lips against hers, savoring the contact. His fingers on her breast, however, did not mirror the absence of movement of his mouth on hers, sending delicious swirls of desire racing through her as they gently kneaded the already hardened nipple.

As he heard another moan escape her lips, he shifted his mouth over hers, clamping down on her lower lip. He nibbled on it playfully, teasingly, running his tongue seductively from one corner to the other, moaning himself as her hand grasped the back of his neck in approval. When he felt the tip of her tongue softly graze against his lip in invitation, he gave up his imprisonment of her lower lip to take possession of her mouth, thrusting his tongue inside to meet hers.

She instantly felt the increase in pressure of his lips on hers, plundering her mouth relentlessly, similar to the way he kissed her in the linen closet this morning. She recognized the difference, though; whereas the first one was meant to dominate, this one was driven by passion and desire … an urgency to express his need of her.

Her heart tightened at the memory of his withdrawal from her, or more accurately the reason behind it. It hurt her --- she won't deny it --- to discover that he had thought his revelation about his past would cause her to reject him, or worse, that she wouldn't want him anymore. It served to make her realize just how unsure he was of her, and she longed to show him how important he was to her and how much she needed him in return.

Her lips ceased matching his passionate kissing during her musings, letting him continue the seduction without her cooperation. Overtaken by the same desperation that he himself earlier experienced, she tightened her hold on his nape, wrapped her right arm around his back to draw him on top of her, and spread her legs apart to show him where she wanted, needed him to be.

Attuned to her silent messages during sex by now, even though they've only been lovers for two weeks, he accepted her invitation and slowly moved to cover her body with his own, settling in between her legs, maintaining contact with her mouth. Accurately reading the change in her demeanor, he curbed his desire and decreased the intensity of his ministrations on both her lips and breast.

By the tempering of his passion, she sensed that he had understood her need to slow down, and she sighed against his mouth in appreciation. She cupped his face when he had stopped kissing her, his mouth now just hovering over hers.

At her sigh, he had pressed his lips harder against hers for a few seconds more before pulling away an inch, sighing in return. He leaned into her hand before placing his forehead on hers, not at all resentful of the disruption to their lovemaking.

She pulled him tighter to her, unable to control her need to hold him. She really couldn't explain why; she just felt that if she didn't, he'd somehow disappear. _I was scared that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore_ … the words echoed in her mind, and she clung to him, as if doing so would erase his fears, and most importantly, the guilt of knowing that she didn't give him enough reason to believe in her. Her fingers tightened at his nape and at his shoulder, and she unconsciously drew her knees up so her thighs gripped his hips. _I won't walk away … I can't._

A little more in control over his aroused body, he raised his upper body slightly off of her, his hands shifting to cradle her head. The break of contact elicited a whimper of protest from her, and he brushed the hair from her closed eyes. He swallowed despite the constriction in his throat, his finger gently wiping the tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye.

"Mer," he whispered his question, concerned and guilt-ridden about her agitation.

She shook her head ever so slightly, the tiny movement almost indiscernible. The second time he called out her name, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes to him. She cupped his face again, this time with both hands, and met his inquiring gaze.

"I should be mad at you," she sighed, running her thumb across his cheek.

"Yeah," he whispered, covering her body again as he pressed his forehead onto hers, closing his eyes to relieve the stinging sensation, "you should."

He slowly rubbed his nose against hers, the intimacy and proximity a calming influence on his tumultuous thoughts. _I don't know how I can make things better for you … that doesn't mean you can just push me aside because I'm of no use to you … then I guess you really didn't know me at all …_

He lifted his head an inch to bravely look down at her. He somehow had to make her understand why.

"I can't …," he paused to take a deep breath to control the trembling, "I can't lose you."

She grasped his head tighter, pulling him down to her. She briefly pressed her lips to his, and then spoke softly against his mouth.

"You won't … not because of something that happened in your past. Whatever you did back then wouldn't upset me, Alex. It only becomes a problem when you bring it into our relationship … when you let it tear us apart."

He bit down on his bottom lip to prevent the words he ached to say from spilling out, knowing that she wasn't ready to hear them. He kissed her instead, trying to erase the guilt and hurt he had glimpsed in her eyes, praying that she'd comprehend what he couldn't verbalize.

His tongue edged along her mouth and she willingly opened to him. The sensation of his tongue against hers alone was enough to wet her panties.

His hand resumed his earlier position at her breast, lightly teasing the nub with his palm. The friction caused by her lacy bra against her nipple added to the pleasure zinging through her body, and she was not above voicing her arousal.

He recognized 'moan type three' --- a rapid succession of four short moans then a throaty growl --- signaling her impatience, an unmistakable command to 'speed things up.' Never wanting to disappoint, he ground his erection against the juncture between her thighs as his hand slid under her shirt and deftly pushed the lacy garment aside to close over the already pebbled nipple.

She could feel the pressure of his arousal through the layers of fabric that separated them, and she arched up at him to douse the fire burning between her legs. She'd never wanted anything more than she wanted Alex in that moment ... her very skin ached with the need for him.

"Alex," she groaned, her hips jerking beneath his.

He tore his mouth from hers and sought the area just below her earlobe, aware that the tip off his tongue against it would trigger a whole lot more of moaning.

"Alex!"

Her scolding and growl of frustration made him chuckle softly in triumph.

"What happened to 'hon'," he asked teasingly, tracing the outline of her ear with his tongue.

The ragged intake of breath betrayed her body's reaction to his latest ministrations, and her hands hooked onto his shoulders. Her right leg unconsciously wrapped around the back of his thighs, pressing down against the bottom of his buttocks to bring him closer to her heat.

"What," she asked breathlessly, distractedly.

"I prefer 'hon', actually … has a nice ring to it," he murmured humorously against her ear.

"What the hell are you talking about," she asked, a hitch in her voice as his tongue darted inside her ear, causing another gush of warm liquid between her legs.

He felt her body spasm and his body reacted accordingly. Fearing that neither of them would be patient enough to prolong the foreplay if he continued with his seduction, he tactically withdrew his tongue from her ear to temper their building arousal. He brought his face in front of hers, his eyes crinkling in amusement as he exulted in the impatience and desire stamped on her face.

"You called me that earlier," he smirked, "and I know we agreed no cheesy nicknames," his hand ever so slowly feathering a controlled trail of fire on her skin, deliberately making a pass at her erect nipple, in order to sustain their arousal. His grin grew wider at the sight of her tongue sweeping her lower lip, and he continued teasing her, "but I kinda like the sound of it … so maybe I don't mind cheesy nicknames after all."

Through the blinding haze of desire, she saw the teasing glint in his eyes and almost gave in to the giggling, but the pleasure his hand was creating was way too overpowering to ignore, so she growled louder this time, not ashamed to let him know that she wanted him.

"Could we get on with this, please," she berated then added teasingly, "_hon,"_ causing him to chuckle again, but he did give in to her demand.

He leaned towards his left, his elbow supporting his weight, as he inserted his hand between their bodies and reached for her warmth … discovering that her panties and jogging pants were already soaked through.

"Ready for me, hon?"

"Alex … naked … NOW!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With a final hard kiss on her mouth, he pulled away from her body with a smirk, rolling out of the bed to stand with his knees against it. He reached for her legs and walked backward, pulling her to the edge of the bed so that her legs were dangling off of it. He then bent over her to grasp the waistband of her pants and wrenched them off, taking her soaked underwear with it, his eyes never leaving the mound of blond curls. He carelessly discarded said garments and was about to kneel in between her thighs when she sat up and put her hands against his chest, shaking her head vigorously.

"No," she said, motioning for him to stand up. She grabbed the waistband of his pants and pulled him to her, spreading her legs wider to accommodate him. She used both hands to fiddle with the button and zip, and then yanked his pants down, silently instructing him to step out of them.

She caught the gleam of amusement in his eyes, and the corner of her mouth curled in response to his smirk. Her attention soon came to rest on the impressive bulge hidden inside his boxer briefs, and she moistened her lips unconsciously. It wasn't until she heard his sharp intake of breath that she realized that she had reached out to touch him intimately, her slender hand rubbing along its length.

"Meredith," he groaned his protest breathlessly, his body humming.

He stepped back from her hand and she pouted.

She stood up in front of him and reached for his shirt, _tsk_ing away his objection, and pulled it over his head. She ran her hands down his exposed body, her fingers pausing long enough on the dark pink nubs hidden among the scattering of hair. She smirked in response to his growl, and continued the light exploration of his torso, down his sides and onto his flat stomach, her fingers tingling at the feel of his skin.

Her eyes darted to his bobbing Adam's apple, and she moved forward to nuzzle his neck, her hands gripping his waist to prevent him from pulling away. She licked a trail along his collarbone then up his neck, the tip of her tongue registering the vibrations from his growl. She felt his hands on her hips, and she pushed away his arms with an upward swing of her bent arms, giggling when she heard him snarl in reaction to her 'no touching' directive.

"Mer …"

"Quiet, Alex," she reprimanded against his neck, her left hand sliding towards his erection.

He bit down on his lower lip, his hands fisted at his sides, and his length jerked against her hand.

She bent her legs to slide down his body, planting wet kisses every two inches along the way till her chin felt the tip of his erection. Kneeling in front of him, she pressed her face against the bulge, and her hands went to the waistband of his briefs.

"Mer, you have to stop," Alex said in a choked voice. He grasped her head and stepped a few inches away from her. "I'm about to go over," he rasped.

He bent down to take hold of her arms and pulled her up with him, his arms encircling her body to draw her against him, her own arms going around his waist. He desperately sought out her lips, and she returned the fervor of his assault on her mouth.

She tiptoed to get closer to him and felt the stiff head of his arousal press against her naked warmth, annoyed at the remaining scrap of cloth preventing her from feeling his skin. She abruptly tore her mouth away from his, pulling a few inches away from his body as her hands went back to the waistband of his briefs.

"Take it off, Alex," she rasped her command, impatiently tugging at the offending garment.

He pulled her head towards him to lock lips with hers again, and when he felt her holding his head in place, he let go of her head to dispose of his underwear. She followed as his body dipped lower to wriggle out of his briefs, unwilling to break the kiss. Having completed their task, his hands repositioned themselves on her hips, pushing her towards the bed.

She made a sound of protest, resisting his forward movement. With as much strength as she could muster, she turned them so that the back of his knees pressed against the bed, and then she pushed him onto it.

She nudged his knees apart and pushed at his chest to get him to lie down. She giggled as she saw his smirk and raised eyebrows, wagging her own eyebrows at him. She then placed her hands on his tense thighs, and then bent down to crawl over them, her hands sliding upward.

He raised his head to watch her, and she maintained eye contact as she slowly made her way to join him on the bed.

She raised her bent knee over his hip till it rested on the bed, repeating the action with the other, but not without letting her warmth heavily graze against his burgeoning length, the tip almost entering her. With both knees now securely on the bed, straddling his hips, she lowered herself onto his abdomen, his arousal firmly digging into her lower back. She deliberately squirmed against his stomach, aware that he could feel her wetness. She _tsk tsk_ _tsk_ed him again when she felt his hands grip her thighs, and she covered them with her own, preventing them from sliding towards the juncture between her legs. She shook her head and made big eyes at him, and he chuckled in response, withdrawing his hands from her and made a production of putting them behind his head.

Reading his surrender, she giggled triumphantly and bent down to kiss him on the mouth, her hands holding his head securely in place. Just as the thrusts of his tongue against hers intensified, she pulled away from him and sat up. Her eyes crinkling at his look of frustration, she crossed her arms and reached for the hem of her shirt, slowly pulling it upward and over her head, effectively replacing the feigned scowl on his face with a look of approval. She then reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, sliding the straps over her arms and threw the white lace on the bed.

Without warning, she leaned towards her left and reached for a pillow, and then proceeded to put it under his head, doing all those while still atop him. Satisfied that he now had a better view from his raised vantage point, she lifted herself onto her knees and moved backwards till she hovered directly above his groin.

She reached below her and gently wrapped her hand around his throbbing length, sliding her hand down until she reached the base, and then she guided it into her as she lowered herself onto him. When she felt its tip against her wet opening, she let go of it and moved her hands to his chest. She looked up to catch him staring at the point where their bodies fused, almost fused, intimately, and she felt another gush of wetness. _There's something so erotic in the knowledge that your lover is watching as you take him inside you._

She slowly lowered herself, taking him in an inch at a time, both of them moaning in ecstasy at their union. When he had filled her to the hilt, she bent down, her breasts gloriously rubbing against his chest, and covered his mouth with hers. She allowed him to grasp her head this time, needing the anchor against the powerful torrents rippling through her as she felt him growing inside her. She slowly rubbed her sensitive area against the dark curls to somewhat relieve the throbbing ache.

She gasped against his mouth as she felt a spasm of pleasure in between her thighs, and she raised her head a few inches to stare down at him with heavy lidded eyes.

"Mer," he whispered, his hands brushing the hair off of her face before cupping her cheeks. _I can't lose you._

She saw the reverence in the way he looked at her, and she mentally swore never to give him another reason to doubt her. She pressed her lips against his … _I won't ever walk away from you… I can't._ She pulled away after a few seconds and sat up straight, her left hand splayed on his stomach while her right hand grasped his thigh for support.

She looked into his eyes as she raised herself till only an inch of him was inside her, and then she slowly took him inside her again till she was halfway down his length. She repeated that action, only slightly picking up the pace, but never going an inch lower than the halfway mark. His labored moans echoed her own, and on about the 8th or 9th thrust, she quickly pressed down until all of him was inside her, the exquisite pleasure making them both scream as they jerked against each other.

Her familiar moans told him that she was fast approaching completion, and the look of ecstasy in her eyes told him that she could no longer continue her ministrations, so close was she to the edge. He pulled her down against his chest, and then he grasped her hips as he reached up to claim her mouth. Holding her in place, he thrust into her, slowly at first then picking up speed. Her lips and tongue ceased returning his kiss, indicative of just how close she was to release.

"Now, Alex," she rasped, closing her eyes as she raised herself with the support of her outstretched arms astride his head, her face turned toward the ceiling.

Her scream came a mere two seconds before his, her shuddering bringing him to his own climax. He jerked into her as he rode his orgasm, her feminine muscles clamping around him heightening the pleasure.

Still free-falling, she felt her arms give way and collapsed against his chest, and she burrowed her head in his neck, his shudders serving to prolong her own bliss.

When they both finally came down from their glorious high, she lifted her head to stare at him, her hands bracing the sides of his face. She saw the corners of his mouth lift in a tender smile, his eyes still looking back up at her with reverence, and she smiled in return, lowering her head till their lips touched. _I love you._

His heart lurched at the feel of her lips against his, and his hands crept along her back till they reached her head, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. _I'm in love with you._

_

* * *

__Please note that this will be the very LAST detailed scene I will write for this story (for any story for that matter). That said, Sara/Lexie, you'll just have to live with all the hinted scenes. LOL_

_I forgot to mention in my A/N in the previous chap that I was hoping you guys wouldn't get mad at me for making Izzie react that way … making you hate her. I'm glad she was able to 'redeem' herself in the end._

_Ciaobella06, Love-phoebe, Bonnie, elisaday16, AuburnH, rdrherrera, Bee, "007,AgentBlond"/Steph, Rachey33, LaFilmeM, Brandy, Mer's4life, xxDark-Elfxx, personifiedx, shell36799, Aquilka_ --- a million thanks for your reviews; appreciate everything you guys have said. I'm really glad you enjoyed the rules and the alex/mer/izzie convo. It makes my days brighter to know that you've enjoyed what I've written. Izzie down, the others' reactions next, maybe not in the next chap though. Yes, derek will indeed have that talk with mer, and we will be seeing Addison around too. Once again, thank you thank you thank you. I hope this chapter was just as enjoyable.

_Mer's4Life_ --- LMAO do you know that you're the only who actually asked what the other rules were … I was wondering if anyone would LOL. the rest of the rules will be revealed as alex and mer break them. LOL

_rdrherrera_ --- yay! you gave me my 200th review! doing the dance of joy!

_Bee_ --- thanks again for my daily doses. the day just wouldn't seem right without them.

_Since they wouldn't follow instructions and drop me a line about their stories, despite the fact that I requested for recommendations, I've decided to promote their stories myself. Please check out the stories by __**Murgy31 **__(My Best Friend; Miranda Bailey, M.D.; and Do Over), __**I Took the Blond Chick Down to … **__(Changes for Better or Worse), __**LaFilmeMichelle **__(Disconnected), and **BitB21 **(Addison's Anatomy)! Their fanfics are on the very short list of stories I follow. Amazing reads!_

_So … I know that I have become lousy at updating (but not as lousy as with my other fic --- I already lost one reader LOL), but please bear with me; back at work and things have been really hectic. I fervently hope that you will continue to read RtD despite my delinquency. LOL I will try to update more often. In the meantime, your reviews will assure me that you are still reading this, so please please please review! Thanks for reading!_

_062707_


	26. Chapter 26

_I have struggled --- STRUGGLED --- __with this chap for the past three weeks._

_This is for __**Bethany (Murgy31)**__ --- thank you for all your encouragement, __B__ee … you have constantly challenged me and prodded me and at times even bullied me into writing again … you have reminded me how much I love__ to write, and you never tired of pushing me to continue writing__ and to post on FF again__ … love you heaps, sweetie ( __mwah )_

_Thanks also to __**artruwriter, **__**lizlizlizlizlizlizlizlizliz**__ and __**B**__**onnie**__ for the motivating and encouraging __words they gave in their reviews,__ and to all those who __took the time and effort to review the previous chap. __Apologies for taking four months to update this._

* * *

She softly nuzzled his shoulder blades, breathing in the scent that was uniquely Alex', mingled with the smell of satiation and contentment from their passionate lovemaking. With her right arm curled under her head, she tightened her hold on his torso, bringing his back closer to her, deriving pleasure and comfort from the sensation of bare skin against bare skin. 

_Why is that_, she wondered. _What is it about Alex that makes me take pleasure from touching him … and from being touched by him?_ That's what puzzles her … this craving … this need … the pleasure from touching … the goose bumps when he's near her … the tingling excitement when her body alerts her to his presence … and most of all, the rightness of it … the rightness of being with him and wanting to be with him.

She's not a very affectionate person. She shies away from intimacy, both physical and emotional, and all they entail. She hides behind walls she's learned to carefully build around herself to hold people at a distance. She doesn't cuddle … well, okay, she used to cuddle with Derek once in a while, but they didn't spoon or snuggle all night. One of them would always move or break away from the embrace by morning. _But with Alex_ … with Alex, she finds security and warmth in waking up enfolded in his arms. With Alex, she gets tingly when she so much as feels his breath on her skin. With Alex, she gets butterflies in her stomach when he touches her. With Alex, she feels and recognizes the messages of his need and offer of comfort in his hands … hands that reveal so much whenever he puts them on her body, just as he did an hour ago.

_x ---------- An Hour Ago ---------- x_

She had gotten off of him after they had sex, and they both playfully crawled to their sides of the bed and got under the covers, with only their shoulders and heads visible. She settled comfortably on her back while he lay on his side facing her, draping an arm across her waist to pull her closer to him. She reciprocated the affection by running her right hand along his arm, gently brushing the soft hair with her nails. With a quick smile at him and a final squeeze on his arm, she turned her head to the left and placed her right hand flat on her stomach, just above his arm. Feeling his calming and even breathing beside her, she closed her eyes to go to sleep.

She was pondering on the reverence she saw in his eyes during their lovemaking when she felt his arm slowly move till his hand hovered lightly over her abdomen, the contact so light that had she not been so attuned to his every move, she would have missed it. She laid completely still, waiting intently for what he was going to do, and she dared not gasp when he more boldly caressed her abdomen, running his hand gently, reverently, on her. She felt him cradle her abdomen, and an image of one of her former patients flashed in her mind. She saw that same gesture being done to this pregnant woman … her husband was cradling her rounded tummy, much the same way Alex was doing to her flat tummy now. Her heart tightened when she made the connection.

Careful not to jolt him, she slowly covered his hand with hers, and she felt his hand stiffen. He started to pull it away, but she grasped it tightly to prevent him from doing so, and she slowly turned her head to face him. She replaced her right hand with her left, using her now free hand to grasp his biceps to prevent him from moving away.

He started to tremble beside her, and she felt the hand on her stomach shake uncontrollably. She pressed his hand harder against her abdomen, her fingers closing over it reassuringly. After a few seconds, the trembling stopped; she felt the breath he expelled close to her face, and he splayed his fingers on her tummy, the warmth from his hand seeping into her skin.

"I wasn't ready ... back then, I wasn't ready to have a child …" he rasped disjointedly, "I just wanted to escape from the crap that was my life … I cared for her, I did … I didn't mean for her to die … I cared about her, Mer … I just didn't love her enough ..." he whispered torturedly.

Threading her fingers through his, she cautiously but earnestly whispered, '_would you tell me about her_'. She saw hesitation cloud his eyes but for a brief moment before he nodded.

Releasing a heavy sigh, he disentangled his fingers from hers as he turned to lie on his back, his troubled gaze fixed on the ceiling as if he could see the answers there.

**"I** should probably start at the beginning," Alex whispered, his voice barely audible. Meredith scooted closer to him so she could hear him, lacing her fingers through his. He took a deep breath, squeezed her fingers in acknowledgement but continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Her name was Lee, and I met her through my buddy in college," Alex started. "She was beautiful, I really hadn't noticed her before," Alex gave one of his trademark wry smiles at the ceiling. "She was my wrestling teammate's little cousin … she was just a kid." Alex tightened his grip on Meredith's hand before continuing. "We were hanging at my buddy's house one day, and this Liv Tyler look- alike descended the stairs." Nostalgia and doubt started to creep in and he paused.

"Alex," Meredith whispered. "Please tell me."

He looked at her briefly before returning his attention to the ceiling. He knew that she deserved to know the truth, but part of him still held onto the fear that she would think of him differently once she knew the truth. He pushed that thought from his mind and continued.

"Les's little cousin, Lee, had turned into a hot chick overnight." Alex said. "I asked her out that afternoon."

Alex, over the next half hour, went on to explain to Meredith the nature of his relationship with Lee. He told her of how they had gotten to know each other and how Alex had been her first. He told her of how he thought they agreed to keep it casual, but that in the end she became clingy and overly dependent on him. She started treating him like her exclusive boyfriend, when all he wanted was a casual fling.

He paused when he got to the part of his story that could change things forever. "We had been seeing each other for six months when she came to me and told me she was pregnant." He took a deep breath and continued. "I knew that I wasn't ready to be a father and I knew her parents would kill us both if they found out. She didn't want to be a mother either, but she was religious. She didn't want to get an abortion."

Alex rolled on his side, away from Meredith. He didn't want to feel her breath on his neck, or her eyes as she watched him. He needed to get this out. Her words about shutting him out from earlier wafted through his head, so he grabbed her hand and held it to his chest.

"I made her do it, Mer," Alex choked out. "It was supposed to be routine." Meredith tightened her grip on his hand. "She developed complications after the abortion and bled out." They were spooning each other by then as Alex started to shake. "I killed her … she was so kind and I killed her."

Meredith couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, so she just held him while he released all of his pent up emotions.

_x ---------- Present ---------- x_

She splayed her hand on his chest, the tips of her fingers tingling with pleasure at the contact. She smiled against his shoulder. _I'm allowed to do this … to touch him … to hold him … I, me, __**I**__ can touch him this way_ … she smiled even wider, and then pressed her lips against his warm skin.

Her palm picked up the steady beating of his heart, and her heart echoed its rhythm. _I love this … holding him … I love holding him … I love being with him … I love …_ Suddenly, their heartbeats were no longer in sync; hers did a somersault as a wave of panic crashed over her. She stiffened against him when the realization of how much he could hurt her --- and how much she could hurt him --- threatened to suffocate her, and he grunted in his sleep, the muscular arms pinning her hand to his body stiffening as well, as though in protest to her treacherous thoughts. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, trying desperately to restore the earlier calm and serenity she found in their intimacy.

She waited till he had settled back into deep sleep before she slowly disentangled her arm from under his. Raising her head, she peered over him to study his face, the cold air immediately permeating her body at the loss of contact with his warmth. She shivered in response, but she needed to get up … she needed …

After placing a fleeting kiss on his shoulder, she slowly turned away from him and moved to get out of the bed. She quietly made her way to the adjoining bathroom and allowed herself to take another look at Alex' sleeping form before closing the door.

She stood in front of the mirror, her gaze instantly drawn to her bare stomach, and she slowly covered the flat surface with her hand, the exact spot where Alex touched her earlier. For a split second, just a split second, she saw a head with short brown hair in front of her slightly swollen tummy, his ear pressed against her body, and just as he looked up at her with the warmest smile and such tender brown eyes, the image disappeared.

She stared at her reflection unseeingly, her mind processing why the mental picture of Alex cradling her tummy was so appealing and why her heart did a flip-flop at seeing him in that position. _I don't want to have a baby ... I'm not ready to have a baby … far from it_, her mind screamed. _Wanting to have a baby is THE most absurd thing ever … ridiculous … I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE __A__ BABY_, she mused emphatically. _Then why the __hell are__ you suddenly --- slightly --- resentful of the diaphragm you're wearing now_?

_This is all Alex' fault!!! He shouldn't have put his hand on my stomach like that! Now he's got me imagining absurd__ my-head-needs-to-be-examined images of me being pregnant! That is THE most irrational and ridiculous idea ever!!! Okay, I have officially gone insane, 'coz now I'm rambling in my thoughts! That's it! I've lost all ability for rational thought … YAY! Not yay __**yay **__that I'm incapable of rational thought, 'coz why the hell would I be happy about that, right__… __but __**yay**__ 'coz being irrational would explain this whole pregnant thingy whatever! So … YAY! _

_Holy crap!!! _She erupted into a fit of giggling at her thoughts, shaking her head in disbelief at her ridiculous musings. Fearing that she'd be in a straight-jacket all her life if anyone would hear her, she composed herself and set about checking that the diaphragm had not been dislodged and was still in the correct position. _Well, after that stunt you just pulled, practically devouring him, you better start praying it wasn't dislodged!_ She instead said a prayer of thanks that she had the foresight to insert the diaphragm after her shower earlier. _Okay, maybe foresight isn't very accurate … more like 'devious plan to seduce him out of his depression' … but it amounts to the same thing, _she argued. _Seriously, Meredith, you're freaking out, and you have got to get a grip now or you're gonna need to see Raj in the morning! _Another bubble of laughter escaped as she donned her bathrobe, securing it tightly around her slight frame before she opened the bathroom door.

Her giggling ceased as abruptly as it began when she spied Alex' sleeping form as soon as she stepped into the room. And once again, inexplicably, a feeling of rightness swept over her … seeing him in her bed just seemed to make sense. But as much as she wanted to crawl into bed beside him, she needed to sort out the confusion of feelings and collect her thoughts, coz she was still freaking out over the realization of just how much he's come to mean to her. And she knew that she couldn't do that if he were near her. She gave herself a few moments to watch him before she headed to the door.

She made her way quietly and inconspicuously through the hallway, down the stairs and then out the front door to the porch. She shivered as the cool air hit her, but she needed to think, so she wrapped her arms around herself as she plopped down on the wooden swing. She leaned back with a deep sigh, rubbing her arms languidly, putting an ankle over the other as she set the swing into slow motion, and only then did she allow the barrage of thoughts to flood her mind.

_How could this have happened? How could you let this happen?_ _Love wasn't part of the deal … you weren't supposed to give him that much power over you,_ she berated herself. _But he's worth it, and I want to be with him,_ she reasoned back, recalling how her heart constricted when she saw the pain in his eyes. _He's just … he's worth it …_ _he's worth it …_

_Thing is, are you?_ That's what scared the crap out of her; it wasn't the fact that she had given Alex the power to hurt her, but the thought that he might realize that he didn't want to be with her after all. That's what scares the hell out of her! _What if Izzie's __right__ and I can't give him what he needs?_

Her internal monologue was interrupted by the soft creaking of the front door, and she turned her head to see Izzie walking towards her with two mugs in her hands. Her blonde roommate stopped a few feet away from her, as a show of respecting her space, and then she smilingly swung her hand forward to offer her the steaming mug.

"Cocoa … with those teeny tiny bits of marshmallows," Izzie said softly, flashing Mer a warm smile to encourage her to take her offering.

Mer raised an eyebrow at Izzie suspiciously.

"I was hiding out in the living room … ya know, " she explained humorously, her lips twitching in mockery, "till you guys finished," pausing to flash Mer a teasing smile, "coz as we have repeatedly told you, these walls aren't all that thick really, and … well … you're kinda loud … no, you're a lot loud actually … and see, with the preview I involuntarily received, I had all these mental images in my head, so when you started moaning and telling him to get naked and …"

"Alright already," Meredith interrupted with a hiss, a blush creeping along her neck and face at the image Iz pictured for her, taking the offered mug embarrassedly. She made big eyes at Izzie as the blonde wagged her eyebrows at her teasingly, but the twitching of her lips foiled her attempt at indignation.

Joining in her friend's amused laughter, she slid to her right to make room for Izzie on the swing, smilingly inviting her to take a seat beside her.

The swing rocked gently as Izzie lowered herself on it, settling comfortably against the inclined backrest as she took a sip of her own drink. From behind the mug raised to her lips, she mockingly spoke with a straight face, "But, seriously, Mer, you're really loud, and you guys just broke rule number two."

"Shut it!" Meredith hissed as Izzie broke into laughter.

After a few moments, their laughter died into comfortable silence. Izzie turned slightly to look at Meredith expectantly, and the latter cowardly took a sip of her hot cocoa in attempt to delay the conversation.

When she could no longer ignore her friend's inquisitive stare, she resignedly put the mug down on the plant box to her right. She brushed the hair from her face, taking a moment to compose her thoughts before she turned to Iz with a tight smile, her eyes allowing her friend to see her inner turmoil.

Taking Mer's eye contact with her as a sign of readiness to talk, she gently broke the silence. "Why are you sitting out here in the cold? From the sounds coming from your room earlier, I wouldn't have expected you to choose to be out here, all alone, when you have Alex in your bed," she said teasingly, and then continued perceptively, "but by the way you walked towards the front door earlier, it seemed to me as if you were trying to flee."

Meredith stared at Izzie's questioning gaze, not quite sure how to answer her since she wasn't quite sure about the whole freaking out thingy herself. To buy some time, she asked a question of her own, "We, er, um, _finished_ about an hour ago," she said with a blush, "so what were _you_ still doing in the living room? Why are your eyes and nose all red and blotchy? Is anything wrong, Iz? I mean, you can tell me if you want … not trying to pry or anything, but you could, you know, talk to me about what's troubling you."

"There's nothing wrong, Mer, seriously. Let's talk about you and the reason you're out here," Izzie replied.

"Iz," Meredith said, her eyebrow raised skeptically.

"Fine," Izzie mumbled, raising her mug to her lips to muffle her reply. She looked up to avoid Meredith's eyes, sheepishly saying, "I was watching _Dead Poets Society_, okay. Satisfied?" She wrinkled her nose at Meredith, who had started giggling. "Haha! Fine, so I'm a crybaby, now stop laughing already and tell me why you're out here. Why aren't you in bed cuddling or snuggling or doing all that sappy after make-up sex eew stuff with Alex?"

Meredith rolled her eyes at Izzie's teasing, and then chewed on her lip absently as she wrapped her arms tighter around her body. Sighing deeply, she turned her head to face Izzie.

"I just needed to get out of there for a while, ya know ... just needed to think," she admitted softly.

Izzie studied her friend's face for a minute, and then a knowing smile spread across her face.

"You love him, don't ya," she stated perceptively, her eyes wide and bright at her realization.

A montage of images flashed in Meredith's mind. Alex looking at her after his argument with Addison … the tortured look on his face as he told her about the abortion … the desperation in the way he kissed her in the closet … his withdrawal from her … him admitting that he was scared she wouldn't want to be with him anymore … him whispering that he needed her to want to be with him … the tenderness and reverence in his eyes as he looked at her during make-up sex … that mental image of him bent over her tummy … her spooning him. All these made her heart tighten, and she closed her eyes and allowed the tremendous rush of emotions and affection to wash over her.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Izzie.

"Yes, I do," she said softly, serenely. "He's not hard to love … but see, that's the problem, because I can't fall in love with him, Iz; I can't fall in love with him," she rambled.

Izzie kept quiet for a minute or so, and then she understood what her friend was trying to say.

"He's nothing like Derek, Mer," she said assuredly, wanting to allay Meredith's fears.

"No, Iz … Derek's nothing like Alex," she corrected.

A big smile spread across Izzie's face at Meredith's response. Careful not to spill the remaining cocoa in her mug, she slowly slid towards Meredith and linked her free arm with Mer's, gently taking her friend's hand. She received an appreciative smile from her in return.

"He's worth it, Mer," Izzie said encouragingly. "He's so worth it."

"I know he is," Meredith replied steadily, visibly relaxing as she became more comfortable with the affectionate gesture.

"And, Mer," Iz added softly, squeezing Meredith's hand, "so are you."

Meredith inhaled deeply at the surge of emotions that hit her, and then she smiled despite the tears that threatened to spill.

She squeezed Izzie's hand in gratitude and acknowledgement, and then leaned her head on Izzie's shoulder.

_x__ ---------- Ten Minutes Later ---------- x_

She quietly opened the door to her room and her eyes immediately sought Alex' form on the bed. He had turned to his left side in her absence, restlessness stamped on his face. Impatience drove her to walk towards the bed … towards him. Carelessly shedding her robe then tossing it onto the chair, she lifted the covers and got into bed. Stopping mere inches away from Alex' face, she took another moment to watch him again, raising her hand to gingerly trace his features with her fingers.

His eyes fluttered open.

"You left me," he rasped in reproach.

"It won't happen again," she assured him in a whisper, threading her fingers through his.

He studied her face closely, and he must have seen what he needed to see, because he smiled contentedly and pulled her closer to him.

_

* * *

__Bethany, awesome __writer and '__bestest__' friend that she__ is, had written Lee'__s __backstory__ for this chapter (that scene when Alex tells Mer about Lee),__ and she did it so perfectly! __Thanks, Bee, for __creating and bringing Lee to life. __You rock!!!_

_Thanks for reading _:)


	27. Chapter 27

The alarm pealed loudly, annoyingly, the shrill continuous _beep beep beep_ _beep_ startling the bed's occupant out of her sleep. Grumbling mild profanities, she reached for the source of her irritation and grudgingly sat up, giving herself a moment or two to shake the cobwebs out of her still-asleep mind.

When about ten percent of her 'perkiness' brain cells had received their charge, she lifted the covers and got out of bed. Covering a yawn with her hand, clad in her pink sleep pants and camisole top, she sluggishly made her way down the quiet hallway and mechanically reached to turn the knob of the bathroom door. She unconsciously frowned at the locked door, her clouded mind not capable of processing the obstacle to bladder relief. She twisted the knob again, getting more agitated and annoyed by the second, causing it to rattle.

"Mer," Izzie called out impatiently, the need to pee making her sound a bit grumpy. "Meredith, why the hell is the door locked? Since when do we lock the door? Meredith!"

Just as she started pounding on the door, she heard a yelp from inside then muffled hissing and excited panicky voices, and then her jaw dropped.

"Meredith Grey!!!! Is Alex in there with you?!?! Meredith!" she called out indignantly.

She faintly heard dull thumping sounds, then a series of muffled swear words, and then came the signature giggle of Meredith. When she heard the humor-laden _'I told you she was gonna catch us' _scolding from her female roommate, Izzie stifled the urge to laugh; she was pleased about the way things were going for her two friends, but she needed _to_ _put my foot down_, _lay down the law! Yeah!_ This conviction gave her the impetus to speak rather authoritatively.

"Me-re-dith …" her indignant statement interrupted as she paused suddenly, her mouth frozen in a big O, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. "Crap! It would help if I knew your middle name!!!"she said frustratedly. "Well, Meredith whatever-your-middle-name-is Grey! I trusted you!"

More muffled giggling. At Alex' muted '_let me handle this; she's a pushover_', she scoffed and put her hands on her waist, her eyebrows raised haughtily in readiness for battle.

"Alex Karev! Who are you calling a pushover?!?!" She banged on the door to help stress her point. "You're in violation of rule number six … no sex in the shower in the mornings."

"But at least we observed rule number three," Alex said with a cheeky smirk, the abrupt opening of the door causing Izzie to jump back a foot when he got into her face. A towel riding low on his hip, water was still dripping from his torso when he gave her a playful smack on her arm, winking at her as he said mockingly, "we locked the door coz we were doing the nasty-nasty."

Izzie glared at him as he pushed past her, her eyes narrowing when he called back, "And we deserve points for being very quiet this time. That's two rules observed versus one rule broken!"

He sauntered off unhurriedly, his muscled back rippling as he walked towards his room. And all Izzie could do was stare at him agape.

"Nu-uh," Izzie quickly countered before Alex reached his door. "Rule number one … no walking around naked," she called out, waving her finger in the air in agitated excitement.

Alex' mocking laugh wafted back to her before she saw him smirk at her as he closed his bedroom door.

Scoffing in annoyance and frustration, she turned back to look at Meredith, who was standing sheepishly just inside the bathroom door, a hand clutching her robe securely in place. Flashing Izzie a guilty-yet-slightly-naughty smile, Meredith sidled past her to get to her room.

Izzie rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath. Accepting defeat, she stalked towards the bathroom.

"When I get out of the bathroom," she said loudly, "I better have breakfast waiting for me!"

_x --------------- An hour later; SGH --------------- x_

Meredith leaned forward, absently brushing aside the bangs that fell over her eyes with her right hand before it resumed its position on the steering wheel. Quickly calculating the distance between the cars that flanked her vehicle, she bit down on her lower lip in deep concentration as she maneuvered the jeep into the tight space, successfully managing to park her car without incident. She put the stick shift to neutral, engaged the handbrake and turned the ignition, and then inconspicuously glanced at the silent man to her right; he was staring unseeingly at something outside his window, his mouth set in a grim line.

She felt that pain in her chest once more … the tightening sensation she has begun to associate with Alex … the overwhelming rush of affection and surge of emotions. She recognized it for what it was immediately; after all, she'd been feeling it a lot lately, in the past 24 hours in fact. The only difference this time was that the panic -- -the urge to run --- that usually accompanied such rush of emotions was barely present. In its place was this yearning to reach out to him … to protect and comfort him.

And unlike the sadness and desolation that seemed to emanate from him last night, the grimness of his disposition at this moment appeared not to stem from within. She could see that this brooding, this melancholy, was unlike the 'battling of his demons' the night before. He wasn't fighting with himself or his past; it wasn't an inner struggle this time. This was more of his determination and persistence refusing to acknowledge that what he was fighting against was something he could not control. And the pain in her chest intensified in sympathy and concern.

She didn't like seeing him like this. A little over an hour ago, his eyes were gleaming with mischief and desire as he surprised her in the shower. Twenty minutes after that, he was happily whipping up some perfectly fluffy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon strips like a pro --- _how the hell would I have known that the guy could cook?!?! And I served him freakin' cereals for breakfast, and I freakin' boasted about it!!!_ --- then cockily presented them to an equally astonished Izzie. And another twenty minutes after that, he was recklessly and deliberately distracting her with a litany of naughty things he intended to do to her in one of the 3rd floor supply closets, his wandering hand on her thigh causing her to swerve on the highway. And when Izzie vehemently objected to his blatant disregard of her presence, he challengingly argued that the 'house rules' never made mention that they applied 'outside the house' as well. He had winked at Meredith after they heard Izzie's grunt of frustration, chuckling wickedly at her admission of defeat. His high-spirits started to wane though the closer they got to the hospital, and she had started to worry when she noticed him slumping lower into his seat with every kilometer that passed.

Her attention switched to the rear view mirror, ascertaining the blonde's movements at the backseat. Izzie was removing the earphones she had put on halfway through the ride to the hospital --- opting to listen to her iPod instead of Alex' incessant playful (read 'annoying') teasing --- and she was just packing them away in her bag when she met Meredith's stare.

Izzie caught Meredith's meaningful silent message --- she rapidly shifted her eyes, motioning to Alex --- and she followed Meredith's gaze, her own eyes registering concern for the lifeless man in the passenger seat. She leaned forward and was about to open her mouth and address Alex when she heard the other woman discreetly clear her throat. Nodding in understanding when Mer very slightly shook her head, Izzie quietly gathered her things together and opened the door to get out just as quietly.

Alex, who had snapped out of his catatonic staring when he felt the jeep gently rock at the door closing, turned to look at Meredith.

Despite the tight smile he flashed her, she saw the way his eyes softened when he looked at her … it was as if his eyes lit up just because he was looking at her, and that made her … warm … all over. And it also prompted her to lift her hand to his face, her palm tingling as it cupped his cheek.

"You okay," Meredith asked softly, concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm good … why wouldn't I be," he answered dodgingly, unconvincingly. He abruptly moved to gather his knapsack from the floor, threw her another tight smile, and opened the door to slide out of the jeep. He stood in the opened door, looking at her expectantly, raising his eyebrows to mimic her expression.

"Alex," she exhaled with exasperation.

"I'm telling you I'm fine," he insisted, a little too brightly, jerking his head to the side to indicate that she get out of the jeep. "Now get your butt --- delicious in those jeans, by the way --- out of that seat and into that hospital … the third floor supply closet awaits," he teased as he shut the door.

Rolling her eyes at him as she saw him walking towards the back of the jeep, she took the key from the ignition and gathered her things before exiting the vehicle. After making sure she didn't forget anything inside the jeep, she made her way towards Alex.

He was waiting for her just behind the jeep, his left hand holding on to the strap of his knapsack, his eyes staring at the façade of the hospital. She could feel his tension as she stopped to stand beside him, the physical contact jolting him out of his contemplation. He gave her yet another tight smile, but she could tell that he was really trying to appear that nothing was bothering him.

"Alex," she began softly, shyly putting her hand in his free hand. She smiled at him when she felt him grasp her hand more firmly. "Alex, Dr. Bailey isn't going to pull you off Ava's case. You've worked so hard on this case … you've been the intern assigned to her since she came in, so …"

He smiled a little more warmly this time, and then he took a deep breath, adjusting his knapsack as he shifted his weight to his other leg.

"Bailey knows how important this is to you … she's not gonna take it away from you, Alex."

"Hope you're right," Alex responded, a little more at ease.

"Of course I'm right," she said with a confident nod. "I'm always right," she added teasingly, giving him a cheeky grin.

"Uh-huh," he responded skeptically, but his lips curled upward at her banter.

"I am, and the sooner you accept that fact, the smoother this relationship will be," she replied, wagging her eyebrows at him.

"So you're saying that, for this relationship to work, I ought to accept the fact that you'll always be right," he asked, the teasing humor in his tone an indication that he was no longer worried about getting kicked off Ava's case.

"Oh, I'll let you be right once in a while … maybe," she quipped with a giggle, her free hand clasping his bicep in affection. She nudged his arm with her left shoulder, propelling them both forward across the parking lot, and his hand tightened around hers as they walked.

They had only made it about three meters across the lot when she broke the comfortable silence.

"So …" Mer began hesitantly.

"Hmmm," Alex grunted his invitation for her to continue.

"Um … uh … so I guess you'll be working with Addison today," she stammered.

"If I'm still on Ava's case, yes, I'll be with Montgomery," he shrugged. "Why?"

"No reason … was just making conversation," she replied quickly, nonchalantly … or at least that's how she wanted it to sound.

He stopped walking and burst out laughing, his hold on her hand causing her to stop too.

"You're worried about Montgomery," he accused tauntingly, his wolfish smirk reflective of his satisfaction over what he had discovered. "You're threatened by me working with her again, aren't you?"

"Of course not! It doesn't bother me one bit," she countered, rolling her eyes at him. "I mean, why the hell would I care if you're working with Addison?"

"Because," Alex said gloatingly, his eyes twinkling as he brought his face close to hers, "you … are … jealous!"

"Am SO not jealous!"

"Yeah, okay, whatever you say, babe," he said mockingly, the grin on his face only getting wider as he started walking again, tugging on her hand to get her to move.

"Don't call me 'babe'," she grouched, letting him drag her along. _I'm not jealous, or threatened, or worried … I'm not! Okay, maybe just a little bit, but he doesn't have to know that!_

"Have to say though … didn't think you had it in you to be jealous, Mer," he teased.

"Shut up!" _I didn't think I had it in me either._

He leaned toward her to whisper in her ear.

"I like it actually … you being jealous and all … turns me on … if we hurry, we'll still have time to make a detour to the third floor," he said sexily.

As annoyed as she was about discovering that she was indeed capable of jealousy, she couldn't stop herself from giggling over Alex' indecent and oh so naughty suggestion. Because, well, she was already distracted by the steamy images he planted in her mind.

Her delicious fantasy was rudely interrupted by a really loud cough from behind them, unfortunately and effectively snatching the enticing image of Alex' wandering hands, which were making so much progress inside her scrub top, away from her.

"Holding hands now, I see," Cristina jeered, rolling her eyes at them in disgust as she sidled up to the couple on Mer's side, her sudden appearance --- and the fact that she called attention to the affectionate gesture --- causing them to jump apart awkwardly. "Let me tell you, Mer, I didn't think you had it in you. You guys aren't gonna start smooching and making out in the cafeteria now, are you," she asked sarcastically, "coz if you are, I'm gonna have to hang out with other people during lunch."

George, out of breath from his effort to catch up with his co-workers, fell into place beside Cristina.

"Why are you gonna hang with other people," George asked, brushing against Cristina as he leaned his body forward to wave at Meredith, who waved back, glad that he had acknowledged her presence.

"Eeew, Bambi! Do you mind?" Cristina shrieked with disgust, nudging him away.

"What?" George asked.

"You're sweaty and icky and … sweaty," Cristina complained.

"Cristina," Mer scolded, glad that the attention was no longer focused on her and Alex.

George made a face at Cristina, and said recipient mirrored the expression, which made George roll his eyes at her.

"Anyway, why are you gonna hang with other people," George repeated his question.

"Coz Meredith here is trading all kinds of bodily fluids with Evil Spawn, and I do not want to witness them doing it while I'm having lunch."

"Cristina!" Meredith said appalled, scoffing at her best friend. It was her turn to make a face at Cristina after she saw George's scrunched up face. "Ignore her, George. We're all having lunch together as usual."

"If you're gonna be all over each other, I'm not eating with you," Cristina insisted.

"Are you gonna be kissing and flirting and all that," George questioned Mer.

"No, we are not!"

"Yes, we are," Alex said at the same time.

"Alex," Mer nudged him in reproach.

"See, told you," Cristina said.

"He was kidding," Meredith replied.

"No, I wasn't," Alex denied.

They were still bickering when they approached Izzie, who was standing by the SGH sign, talking on her cell phone.

George hooked his arm into Izzie's as they passed her, dragging her along, while the rest continued bickering.

Ending her call and dumping her cell into her bag, she joined in on the conversation.

"What's going on," Izzie asked, her voice rising in order to be heard.

"I caught these two all over each other," Cristina answered.

"We were not all over each other … so we were holding hands, so what? That is not being all over each other," Meredith defended.

"Last night you were … he was even groping you while I was in bed with you," Izzie reminded her.

"Izzie!" Meredith was getting more agitated and flustered by the second.

"We were having make-up sex. Not my fault you wouldn't blow," Alex countered, pressing the button for the elevator.

"Alex!" Mer groaned.

"You were in bed with them?!?!" Cristina turned to Izzie aghast.

"Eeew, Izzie," George turned to face Izzie as well, shuddering at the mental image.

"I just feel sorry for you," Cristina told Izzie. "It's bad enough that I have to see them holding hands … you, you actually live with them … it sucks to be you."

"Yeah, well, I made up some house rules. Now if they would just stop breaking them … not even 12 hours yet and they already broke half of the rules," Izzie ranted.

"Rules, huh," Cristina said. "Yeah, okay, we should have those too," she stated.

"I'm telling you … they won't follow them," Izzie griped.

"Coz you're a pushover," Cristina scoffed, moving slightly to the side when the elevator door dinged opened.

"Hey!" Izzie protested, getting into the elevator.

"Well, you are," Cristina replied dispassionately, pressing the button for their floor, as the doors closed.

Izzie grunted her objection. "Let's see you try taming these two animals … you only saw them holding hands … I had to listen to them during make-up sex, and I caught them in the shower this morning!"

"Eeew," Cristina made a face. "Too much info, Izzie," she scoffed.

"Well, if I have to suffer through it, so do you," Izzie declared.

"Uh … guys," George interrupted meekly, looking around the elevator. "Have you seen Alex and Meredith?"

_

* * *

__I have a valid reason this time for not updating sooner … was out of the country for two weeks, and my husband (hi Hon! –waves-) dragged me everywhere, so I wasn't able to get much writing done LOL and I have to censor everything I write now in case he reads this LOL_

_A million thanks to Bee (Murgy31) for reading this chap for me :)_

_personifiedx, Charmedgrays, Jany1988, Brandy, vintage demigoddess, Bee, LaFilmeM, Shortidyme, Bonnie & twinklingstar_ --- thank you very much for the reviews you wrote for the previous chap … really, really, really appreciate the effort and encouraging words … means a lot (A LOT!!!) to me, so thanks heaps :D

_Christa (Jany1988)_ --- hey! It's been a while … have you moved to Munich already? How's uni life? Having a blast, I hope :)

_Bee (Murgy31)_ --- that there is why I keep you around :P seriously, though … thanks so much for all the encouragement & validation and for standing by me always… you are the best:)

_Thanks for reading!_


End file.
